A Little Bald Guy.

Today has been such a drag I can’t stand to think it will always be like this from now on.

I was filling the log boxes as usual when this Tony guy came and told me I had to hang around when finished. He is a little bald foreign guy, his approach was pleasant enough but really I wasn’t in the mood to be nice to anyone so I just did as he asked. His lordship came in to the hall where me and all the house staff were waiting and he announced that he and Lady Alex are to be separated. Of course this was no surprise to me but the others let forth a few exclamations of regret. He himself admitted to it being regrettable but sometimes we have to move on. The thing he wanted to get across to us was that from now on we were not to involve Lady Alex in anything to do with the house or estate as it was no longer any concern of hers and in future he would be in residence on a more full time basis and when he was away we have to consult with Tony who is taking overall charge of the house and gardens. He made no mention of the fact that he was the cause of all the problems which I didn’t expect he would. He did say that we are allowed to converse with Lady Alex and that we should remain courteous to her but we needed to remember who paid our wages meaning that anything to do with the estate and house was regarded as private. I think he meant that we could talk to her about things other than the estate and house. He then said that no doubt we would want to talk over what he just said to us and gave us ten minutes to do so. They were all saying that Lady Alex was never any good and that it needed someone with more go in them and more down to earth. I couldn’t be bothered and left after a couple of minutes. How they could say it needed someone more down to earth I don’t know as you can’t get a lady who is more willing to get down to earth than Nicole.

I didn’t see anything of her all day but she was in because I kept on checking to see if her car was there. The only time I saw it missing was when I was leaving work tonight and I discovered that was because she was waiting at the picnic site which is on my way home. I was so thrilled to see her I just got her and gave her the biggest hug and kiss ever. She looked really terrible and had obviously been crying which upset me so much that I refused to let her go until she promised to come home with me. I couldn’t stand to think of her alone in that house with them lot. She argued that we couldn’t spring such a surprise on my poor mother at short notice. I let her talk her excuses because I was drinking in the feel of her against me and the scent of her in my nostrils. I just get so depressed and down in the dumps when I’m not with her for even a short time that when we meet again it’s the most massive relief imaginable. I didn’t say a word but just got out my phone, which thankfully had a signal and even though she was protesting and trying to take the phone from me I called mum and asked her if it was okay for Nicole to come and meet everyone and have dinner. I held the phone so Nicole could hear the reply and mum was asking how soon? I told her now and she started saying how the place was a mess. I didn’t want her saying too much about that sort of stuff so I just said, ‘look mum, you’ve been wanting to meet her this is it, do you want her to come or not’?

‘Yes of course, I just don’t want to embarrass you or anything’.

I told her we would be there shortly but when I put the phone down Nicole insisted that she allows my mum more time to prepare and said she would return home and tidy herself up before driving over to my house. I was happy with that as long as she promised not to get cold feet which she did promise.

‘After the weekend I just endured meeting your family is going to be no problem and besides I have to tell you what has been happening’.

‘Please tell me that you aren’t clearing off or anything like that’ I said suddenly coming over all worried again at the thought of what she had to tell me.

‘No of course not silly, you’re the only thing that makes life bearable right now, beside I wouldn’t be bothered about meeting your family if I didn’t plan on getting to know them would I’.

I’m not sure what I’m doing to make life bearable as I’ve been thinking all day that if I never had this notion of making her mine she would have had the baby and lived a life of luxury. The last bit about meeting my family made sense though and I was comforted by that.

She smiled, gave me a big hug and a kiss and said, ‘See what you did to me Jacob, just five minutes and you put the smile back on my face, how could I give up a guy who does that for me’?

‘You take care on that bike and I will see you at six thirty, be sure to meet me though as I want you with me when they start pelting me with rotten cabbages’ she said jokingly.

Well its too late now for me to tell you the rest so it will have to wait for tomorrow night.

Changes.

This morning I feel terrible. I hardly slept a wink, I’m sick with worry for the future and feel so bad for Nicole and inadequate because I wasn’t there for her when she needed me the most.

I got a quick call from her last night, she didn’t give many details but it seems that yesterday the whole family got together the out come being that she no longer has any dealings with the running of the estate and has to move out of the house. It seems that today when I get to work I will have a new boss, there will be no more visits to the potting shed so work will be just that from now on. We’re going to meet after work so I should be able to tell you more about things later.
I never imagined when I first had desires for her that winning her heart wasn’t even the start, it seems like there will never be a time when we can be free of worry for the future. I need to tell her how much I love her this morning but I can’t talk, call, text or even mail her, I have to wait for her call to me.

Past Things.

With me not being able to post so often I’ve got behind with a few things that have been happening one of which being that I had to own up to my parents about Nicole. When I say own up I don’t mean I told the whole truth and nothing but the truth but more like the sort of truth and as little as I have been able to get away with.

It all kicked off the night when I announced at the dinner table that I was going to be going away with friends for the weekend. Of course mum being psychic immediately asked what her name was and I could see on here face that she wasn’t playing mind games and she knew what was going on so there was no point in lying so I told her it was Nicole. She then went on about how it would have been nice to meet her before I went off on weekends with her to goodness knows where. She asked what her defects were and I looked at her because I wasn’t sure what she was asking but mum can be real sarcastic sometimes and went on to point out that there must be something wrong with her for me to keep her hidden away as boys are usually proud of their conquests. I said there was nothing wrong with her and then dad who hadn’t said a word asked if it was us I was ashamed of then? I told them it was nothing like that and that’s she was just a bit shy that was all. There wasn’t a lot more said then but ever since I’ve been under pressure to bring her home for tea sometime also they keep on asking stuff about her which is difficult to answer as I don’t feel able to say the truth and its even more difficult with what Nicole is having to put up with from Lord A because her mind is on that all the time and can’t get in to anything else like meeting my parents.

Up until Friday she hasn’t shown much concern for what his lordships actions may be but on Friday when she was with me she broke down.

‘I’m so worried what will become of me’ she said as I held her tightly to me.

I tried to assure her that I would look after her and she knew I would but went on to say that the trouble is she has always relied on someone else to look after her and so didn’t have any means to stand on her own feet apart from family money and that’s how she is in this mess. That’s why its always easier to give in than branch out. In the end we agreed that we would look after each and help one another to branch out, we would think of something to do together and then we would grow together in our own rights in away that one of us wasn’t owing to the other all the time. It was Nicole who said that is what she wants and I am quite happy with that, I think its good that she wants to work at something together and not just spend the day shopping and dinning out because if that were the case I couldn’t be part of that, it would have to come out of her money and be something she did on her own without me.

So at the moment we are waiting to see what happens this weekend. His lordship was due up on Friday night. He kept us on tender hooks for two days and then the woman from the office phones Nicole to say he was coming to stay the weekend – he didn’t even call Nicole to tell her so that’s not sounding very good is it. She said she will try and let me know what is happening if she can but so far I’ve heard nothing which is very draining.

Ravaged To Death.

I’m sorry for such a long absence, I bet you all thought I got ravaged to death by her ladyship really though its nothing to worry about.

The weekend away with her was awesome, the best time in my whole life so far. I won’t go in to the details other than to say that I discovered Nicole is a very demanding woman which is fine by me as I like such challenges.

There was one incident that put a bit of a damper on things and that happened when we got up on Saturday afternoon. She had her phone turned off all the time since we got there but as we were leaving for a walk around the village she turned it on to discover seventeen missed calls and numerous messages from his lordship. She said she had better call him as he wouldn’t leave off phoning so she called him back and put the phone on loudspeaker so I could hear and it was quite alarming to hear him. The first thing he said was, ‘Where the devil are you woman’? She explained that she was away for the weekend and he then asked why she didn’t attend the appointment with the consultant or whatever it was she was supposed to go to the other week. She told him straight that she had said several times that she had no intention of visiting anyone or having his child just because he said so.

He then said, ‘You stupid woman I think you will find that being my wife you’re obliged to provide me with suitable offspring'.

She told me later that by suitable he meant a son. I’m quite a placid sort of person but when I heard him say that to her I felt real anger build up inside me. Before she got to reply he then said,

‘You do realise what an absolute disappointment you are not only to my family but your own family and the estate’.

Then she said something that I thought was so awesome and proves what a smart lady she is, which was,

‘Perhaps if you were a man you would be able to tell your family the truth which I’m sure would leave them far more disappointed in you than I’.

Everything went quiet for a short while, she obviously struck a nerve. He then said,

‘Well darling if you’re going to be so pathetic about things I am going to be forced to evaluate you roll in things around here as its obvious from this conversation that you have no thought for the estate, its staff or the future of either, you’re a very selfish person who’s only thought in life is to take everything she can for herself and give nothing back in return. I’m going to make one more appointment for you and if you fail to keep it there will be no more giving on my part’,

And with that he put the phone down. So as you can imagine it was not a nice situation and from what Nicole says this sort of thing is going on all the time in private. It amazes me how he never seems to think about the causes of it all. I want to tell everyone what he’s doing with that Tony but Nicole said I mustn’t say a word about anything, which is really hard after what I heard that day. Anyway the new appointment is for Wednesday and she isn’t going so goodness knows what will happen. All I know is that I will stand by my beautiful lady and hold and comfort her.

When I got back from the weekend away the sheep had started lambing so I all my time away from work has been spent at the farm looking after them. They aren’t our sheep but belong to the farmer who I help when he’s busy. The place we live used to be a farm but the guy who had it before us sold up after the foot and mouth. He sold the land to the neighbour and we bought the house and buildings, dad has the idea of turning them in to cottages one day but knowing dad it will be some day never. Anyway its this neighbour guy who I have been helping all last week, I only got two hours sleep one night because there was trouble and we have to get the vet out at three in the morning and he did an operation there and then in the barn so I was pretty tired the next day but Nicole was such a sweetie and made me take it easy.
I took a few pictures while away and also of the sheep and lambs so I guess you would rather see the cute stuff first. The lamb in the picture is one I had to help as it had a leg back. Don’t confuse it with the one from the operation, I never took any pics of that.

A Real Woman Is Different.

Today was the day of the appointment at the clinic in London for Nicole she obviously didn’t go and so far nothing unpleasant has come to pass, neither of us have been stuck down. After a conversation we had during dinner on Sunday where I said I would help if I could do anything rather than her having to give in to his lordships wishes she assured me that she had no intention of having his baby and all she ever wanted from me to was stand by her and that I need not worry myself with it all as it was their problem and she would sort it. Apparently she was on the phone to him the other night and he was having a go at her with his threats and bribes and she just told him he was free to find some other mug anytime he wanted if he didn’t like things the way they were. To my ears this was really great news although at the time I was in no mood for rejoicing, now things are back okay between us again I think its cool the way she hinted to him that he might be better finding someone else, she is so smart.

I had real trouble sleeping last night with the thought of the weekend filling my head. On one hand I’m scared stiff both from the thought of spending a weekend in such a posh place, I’m worried I’ll show myself up for what I am. Also I’m worried I won’t perform to expectations in the bedroom. I have all the ideas and answers in my head but my goodness the real thing is going to be something different I know it. I’ve never even seen a real woman naked before. Knowing me I will probably cum just from looking at her! I guess it wouldn’t be half as scary with a girl my own age as she would probably be as useless as me at it – but a REAL woman and a real hot sex starved aristocratic woman, lord please help me!

There was a load of logs delivered today which meant one of my jobs was to throw them all down the cellar. There is a big iron grill under which is a piece of hard board that covers the hole in to the cellar. I lifted the grill and put it against the wall and then when I lifted the board it broke in half because it was rotten and one half fell down in to the cellar so I had to retrieve it before I could throw down the logs or it would have been buried so to get down the cellar I had to go around to the back door and let myself in through the pantry as I do every morning. As I’ve said before the pantry is now used as a laundry room. It has the washer and drier and iron and all that stuff and there are linen cupboards around the walls with a big table in the middle of the room. You walk straight through the room and through the door in the opposite wall, this brings you in to a long corridor opposite to the pantry door is the door to the log cellar, to the right are more cupboards and the end of the corridor and left the corridor heads towards the kitchen. Off the corridor at various intervals are doors leading to more utility rooms, I have no idea what is in them as I only ever pass them by. I tell you all of this just so you have some idea of where the log cellar and pantry are situated sort of out on a limb.

Anyway as I walked in to the pantry I was pleased to see Nicole sorting through some washing. I know, what is she doing sorting through washing but from what I’ve learnt it isn’t below her to do a few odd jobs around the house, cooking being another example.

‘Hello Jake, what brings you here’?

I explained about the board falling down the hole and she was saying how she would get the maintenance guys to cut a new one as she didn’t want rats down the cellar. I looked down the corridor and there was no sign of anyone so I went back in to the pantry took a deep breath of her perfume and whispered in her ear, ‘I’m going to enjoy fucking your skinny little upper class ass stupid this weekend’, and kissed her cheek and turned to leave.

‘Oow! Jacob, promises promises’!

She’s taken to calling me Jacob for some reason, I don’t mind as it sounds kinda cute the way she says it unlike when my mum calls me Jacob and usually that just means trouble.

I retrieved the bit of board and managed after a few attempts to throw it back out through the hole to save me from carrying it back round.

Passing back through the pantry Nicole asked, ‘is anyone there’?

‘No can’t hear anyone, why’? I replied.

‘Why wait until the weekend’ she said with a terrible wicked look on her face before backing her ass in to me. The way she was acting I think she must have come in a bullin’ or something.

It doesn’t seem to matter what I do she always manages to turn the tables on me and make me feel like I’m drowning or being eaten alive.

I was wary after the other day of saying anything that might look like I wasn’t enthusiastic about giving her a portion.

‘We can’t, someone might come’.

‘Go on, you know you want to’, she said rubbing my rampant cock with her tight little trouser clad ass. God how I wanted too if only to stop her rubbing me like that, and she smelled so good and red hot. My hands automatically wrapped around her front, mainly to try and control her a little but they sort of ended up on her breasts which aren’t over big but are firm and awesome to hold. I could tell that she had no bra on as the nipples fairly dug in to my hands.

‘Take me over the table Jacob’ she said in an amazing dreamy voice.

I couldn’t believe what she was doing, all I could think of apart from ramming my almost bursting cock in to her as she was requesting was that Angela or someone might come. Then I thought, oh fuck it, she must know something I don’t and somehow managed to reason that was why she was in there sorting out the washing and she was right about one thing, I did want too more than anything so I reached for the front of her trousers but the instance my fingers started work on the button she caught me by surprise by spinning around and pulling free. I thought someone was there at first until she said, ‘Jacob, you really would wouldn’t you, wow, you are such naughty boy sometimes’!

I looked at her in bewilderment but knew instantly that she had been toying with me. I called her a bitch, just in fun like, I was sort of relieved in a way.

She went out in to the passage and then came back, pushed me against on of the cupboards and stuck her cool hand down the front of my trousers all in one fluid movement. What followed next would have any experienced milkmaid green with envy.

‘Goodness me, do you always cum so much’ she asked as she looked for something to wipe quite a considerable amount of my admiration for her from her right hand. I don’t know what she was complaining about as she left most of it inside my underpants which proved to be quite a discomfort for sometime afterwards despite a visit to the toilet after leaving the pantry.

Getting The Feeling Back

I woke at 7:20 and due to the excitement I wasn’t able to lay around as I would normally do on a Sunday morning so I got up and took the dogs out and prepared myself for our first proper date. I was waiting at the top of the yard for eleven as arranged. I didn’t hide where I was going or who with from my parents but I did sort of make out it was something the lord and lady did for the house staff and from that they just assumed that it wasn’t just me and Nicole. She arrived on time and was in her own car so drove while I showed her the way to where I had the meal booked. She looked even more beautiful than ever and even wore make-up but best of all she was wearing a skirt. Today was the first time I’ve seen her bare legs, when I say bare, she was wearing tights or stockings but my goodness she has awesome legs. I can never decided what part of her I like the most at the best of times and now I have another attribute to choose from.

I decided to wait until after the meal to give her the present I bought for her so after the waitress served the coffee I fetched out the gift wrapped box and presented it to her. I could tell she was shocked that I bought her something and I also saw delight spread across her face as she saw the Blue John pendant on a silver chain. I told her the reason for me choosing to give her Blue John was because there is only one place in the whole world that it can be found and it’s the same place where I come from and also like her its beautiful and unique. She asked me to put it on for her which felt a bit strange because up until today we had not really been so up close and personal in public, today though it didn’t matter as we were far enough away for it to be very unlikely that anyone would know either of us although that sort of thing can never be taken for granted.

So everything went great until on the way home when quite unexpected she pulled the car in to this picnic site just off the road. Now I know you’re all going to think me really stupid now but for some reason I sort of got this notion from the way she was acting that this was going to be my big day and I just didn’t want it to happen in the back of a car. When I did it with her I wanted it to be right and satisfactory of both of us. So as soon as I felt her hand on my thigh I just said ‘couldn’t we save it for somewhere better than this’. Well she pulled away from me and looked at me with not a very nice look at all and said, ‘Huh! Where have I heard that one before’.

I took it that she was referring to her husband so I said that it wasn’t anything like that and tried to explain but I don’t think she wanted to hear because she just said, ‘its alright Jake, stop squirming’. That was it really, we hardly spoke all the way home because every time I said something she just snapped at me.

So tonight I’m not feeling so good. I didn’t want to upset her and if I knew she would react like this I would have just done it but I wanted it to be right for our first time. I know I’m a stupid dumb ass, I should just have give her one like any normal guy would whether it turned out right or not.

The above was written on Sunday evening after I returned. During my cold light of day moment on Monday morning it came to me that she was being unreasonable and really for the first time ever I saw her in a different light and it sickened me. I didn’t want to see her this way, I wanted to always see her the way I’d seen her up until yesterday. Thankfully we’ve given up with the meeting during filling the log boxes so as not to let a stray glance get picked up by anyone else so now she comes and finds me in the garden. She came to see me on the Monday but it wasn’t the same, the spark had gone, she was trying to be like normal but I had this sick empty feeling inside me. I didn’t want to be like this with her and I definitely wasn’t trying to punish her or anything but there was just nothing there anymore and I didn’t know why. I think I felt like she didn’t want to understand why I did what I did. I did notice that she was wearing the pendant which was something I guess. So all day I felt like crap and all day Tuesday too, I even went and got out of the way when it was time for her to visit just so I didn’t have to face her but then I felt even worse so today I waited in the potting shed although I wasn’t even sure if she would bother to come after yesterday. Anyway she did arrive at the usual time and said she was glad to see I hadn’t disappeared today then handed me a big envelope. I was wondering if it was my papers and she was going to tell me to leave and then she asked if wasn’t I going to open it then. On doing as she said I discovered it was confirmation for a weekend break for two at a very posh looking hotel. I didn’t know what to think and looked at her for the answer to all the questions flooding my head.

‘The back seat of a car isn’t good enough for you so maybe that is’ she said.

‘For me and you’ is all I could think to say.

She smiled like she used to and replied, ‘yes, unless you prefer to take his lordship instead’!

‘No course not’, I quickly said as I tried to think what I could tell mum. I was scared stiff and still am when I think about it but I’m going come what may.

She held out her arms and said, ‘come here you big wally’.

She gave me a big hug and said she was sorry.

‘I keep forgetting you’re still a boy. You make all those fancy speeches of yours and its like you’re same as all the other guys, I forget you have a tender heart. What you did was really sweet you know’.

I told her I just wanted it to be good for our first time. Anyway she has promised to look after me better in future and I feel better now and I’ve got some of the feeling back thankfully.

No Regrets

Hello everyone, I hope your weekend was as good as mine. I had planned on telling you all about mine but I have to confess to doing something so rash as to render myself too embarrassed to utter a word of it to anyone at the moment.

Saturday went as planned in that I went over to see my gran and whilst there bought a present for my lady, which I’m pleased to say she is most thrilled about. My gran lives near to where I call home even though we have lived where we do now longer than I remember living in Castleton but for some reason it feels more like home than here.

Yesterday was really good, we both enjoyed our meal and the time we spent together, I just wish I could tell you the whole of it but even though I wrote it all out last night when it was fresh in my mind and I wanted to tell everyone now for some reason I can’t even bring myself to read what I wrote. It sort of makes me feel sick and ashamed because its like I have regrets but really I don’t, I couldn’t even get enthusiastic about seeing Nicole today because of this feeling I have. Well I can’t sit here all night searching for reasons of explanation, I just hope it passes in my sleep and tomorrow I can resume, if not… I don’t know.