Bright Light.

Not a lot has been happening today really. I had the wonderful Tony pay me a visit in the potting shed this afternoon as I was pricking out seedlings, his visits don’t hold the same appeal as Nicole’s did and I just feel depressed afterwards when I think about it. I know there is no reason to be as I now have more time with her than ever but it just makes me sad to think of the plans we had for the garden and stuff and now they will never happen.

Today Nicole took mum to York for a girls day out as she calls it. I guess this sounds stupid and petty as well when I say I felt real envy at mum having the day out with Nicole. Well there is one good thing, they’re getting on like a house on fire now, you’d think they were best mates.

Nicole stayed for dinner with us so we spent some time together afterwards. We went up the shed and looked at what lambs are left in there as she loves to see the lambs.
She has become a permanent fixture at dinner times now, everyone is quite subdued on the days when she isn’t there. She even has her own place between me and dad and no one sits there if she isn’t here. Even Tyrone comes out of his shell when Nicole is eating with us. Tyrone is my sister’s boy friend, things are back to normal between them now and all that other stuff from a few weeks ago is forgotten about. I thought it was quite amusing a few nights back when we were all there having dinner, we’re all talking in our northern accents to varying degrees and then you have Nicole with her refined upper class accent. It’s funny as well because dad is there trying to teach her to speak like us and she is trying to teach him to speak properly like her. It’s all done in good fun and like I say dinner times are a ball now and take forever to get through with all the talking and stuff. She is such a bright light, I am so proud of her, I am very lucky. Our only argument so far apart from the back seat of the car incident is who is the luckiest me for having her or her for having me.

The Answer.

As much as I love to receive your comments I am pleased to see that there wasn’t a flood of them all giving the right answer to the question I posed last night or we would have looked pretty stupid. Now I will carry on where I left off.

‘and’…? She said looking at me intently.

Really I couldn’t see what she was driving at and in the end she put me out of my misery pointing out that the Scott’s, even though never seen by anyone from the main estate back home are never the less still employees of Lord A! I couldn’t believe that it never even occurred to us. We do everything to make sure Angela and the others have no idea about us and never even gave the Scott’s a thought when in reality they are no different to Angela or any one else on the estate. I offered to go somewhere and wait while she went and looked at the property but she said that was no good as she had already arranged with Mrs Scott to have rooms ready for us to stay over. The one good thing was that as far as she could recall she only ever referred to me as a friend when making arrangements with Mrs Scott, so I went as a friend and we just hoped that even if they did mention it to some one back home they wouldn’t catch on that it was me. There was one thing in our favour and that was on the Sunday morning Archie [Scott] enquired that if Nicole took to the place would she be looking to employ people. Well Nicole has brains as well as beauty and was quick to say that there was a very good chance that she would be looking for a few loyal people to help out around the place depending on what she decided to do with it if she had it. Of course another good thing is that with me being a bit younger than Nicole people don’t tend to see us as close friends if you know what I mean. Nicole told me tonight that his lordships father mentioned to her about taking someone with her to view the place and she just said that it was a knowledgeable friend who was there to advise her. We both love the place but its semi-derelict. It could be nice but needs loads of money spending on it. We both cracked up on the way home because she was on at me to say more about what we could do with the place and just tell her my idea’s and I said that I didn’t know anything about business and that she was the smart one with all the idea’s.

She laughed and said, ‘Jake that sounds so strange, you’re the only guy I’ve been with that ever said those words to me. Usually they just throw cold water on my idea’s’.

‘I’m sorry, I guess I am being a bit negative about the place’ I said thinking about what I’d been saying about it needing loads of money spending on it and what have you.

‘Believe me Jacob, your words were no more than the finest mist, when I talk of pouring cold water on my idea’s I mean bucket full after bucket full of cold water until the whole idea is well and truly washed down the drain and I’m left feeling stupid and worthless’. She leaned over and kissed me and said not to worry that we would work something out. There was an old man and woman opposite, they both smiled when I looked at them.

Nicole was here tonight and she was talking to my parents about the place and dad said, ‘why don’t you do like Jake when he needs some money’?
I could tell dad was up to mischief and when Nicole asked what did I do he said he asks his dad!

She laughed and said, ‘Yes that is an option, it is after all what daddies do best’ and gave dad’s arm an affectionate tap.

So the way things stand at the moment is we’re waiting to have a full survey done on the place, which is what her father has advised her to do before she agrees to anything so it could be a while before anything is decided she is also taking advice from someone as to how much she could expect to receive if she went through proper channels instead of working out a deal directly with his lordship. She would rather do a deal though as she doesn’t want a load of hassle from him about things.

Before I finish I would just like to say well done to Matt for guessing the right answer, I think we will have to employ him as our advisor or something.

What Was Nicole Getting At?

Today was my first day back since my accident and everything went okay. I was worried that all my seedlings would have died with me being off work but it seems that Tony has been looking after them for me. I have to say if I’m honest that he seems quite a pleasant sort although I won’t be telling Nicole that.

I’ve been a bit worried because as I said last night we made a really stupid mistake which Nicole spotted half way to Scotland. We were to be picked up at the station by a Mr Scott who is the caretaker at the place we were going to be looking round and then Nicole was saying how I must participate in the viewing as this was to be our place and not just hers. I know I finished off a post the other night saying something along the same lines but it sort of meant more with her saying it and then all of a sudden she sat upright in the seat saying, ‘Oh my goodness, I just realised something’.

She startled me a little the way she burst in to life.

‘What’ I asked.

‘Who did I just say we were meeting’?

‘Mr Scott’ I replied.

‘Who is’? she asked.

‘The caretaker’ I said searching her face for an answer to what she was getting at.

‘and…’?

Can you tell me what Nicole is getting at? I know I said I was going to tell you tonight but I thought it might be fun to see you’re all smarter than me. I will tell you the answer tomorrow I promise.

So instead tonight I’m going to show you some pictures, mainly in answer to Mr Doubting Thomas who seems to think I sit here night after night writing a pack of lies. As a couple of you ladies know I nearly pulled the plug on this blog a week ago because of his discouraging attitude towards me and my lady, anyway thank you for encouraging me to stay on and finish what I started for you.

The pictures are of where the accident took place and I hope they will show what I say was true and also help explain to you better what happened.

The first picture shows the steers that I ended up underneath. They’re roughly in the same place as when I ended up on my back under them all. The barrier you can see behind them is the feed barrier where I escaped too some how after I got kicked in the head. Sorry the pics aren’t so good but it came in dark due to a heavy snow shower at the time.

The next picture shows the gate that I was trying to escape from. Just to give you some idea of the weight of this gate I will tell you its made of heavy steel and takes two men to lift when not hung on the hinges. Also on the night of the accident that heap of straw you can see on the floor wasn’t there so there was nothing to stop the gate from swinging all the way round. What we did was drive the steer behind the gate and forced it up against the door with the gate, its head would have been about half way down the gate when I was working on it trying to insert the ear tag. Luke was at this near end of the gate supposed to be holding it to trap the steer between it and the door. Luke is much bigger than me and should have been able to hold it with ease so I don’t know why he didn’t and I also don’t know how he got his leg trapped either. The wall on the right is where he was sitting when I found him after the accident. When the catch on the gate is in the position it is in the picture i.e. not protruding from the end of the gate there is nothing to stop the gate swinging a full 180 degrees and this is why it was so important for me to get out of the way of it or I could easily have been crushed or flattened by the swinging gate if I stopped where I was.
To show you the forces involved if you look at the next picture notice how the catch is bent. That catch is made of solid steel and bent like that when it hit the post you see in the picture.

This picture makes me feel cold because had the catch been retracted as in this picture on the night of the accident there would have been nothing stopping it from swinging past the post and the next thing after the post was my head.


This final picture is of my ear. As you can see there is still a bit of bruising but the cut is healing ok.

I’m still not sure whether I was kicked or got stood on, I just remember rolling on to my side intent on getting to my feet when I felt a heavy blow to the side of my head but I don’t know how that would cause this sort of injury so I’m thinking maybe it stood on my head. Anyway thankfully I’m okay and recovering well. I also hope this helps some of you understand what happened better and see that I’m not faking it. Tonight was the first time I’d been in the shed since that night and I must say it made me feel quite uncomfortable. I’ve heard nothing of Luke either since that night which is a bit upsetting as he knew how bad I was hurt. Nicole doesn’t want me to go there again and I probably won’t as I don’t want her worrying, I shall miss driving the tractors though.

I would like to finish off by thinking everyone who wished me a speedy recovery, it really did lift my spirits to read your wonderful comments, and don't worry Cathy the virtual hug was quite ok and much appreciated.

Back From Our Trip.

If anyone ever reads this I'm sure you will be pleased to know we got back from our trip okay although how long things are going to remain okay is a bit up in the air as we suddenly realised on the way up there that we made a potentionaly big mistake which I will tell you about tomorrow. Now though I'm pretty tired and need to go to bed as I am fit enough for work tomorrow.

The Proposal.

Thank you anyone who wished me a speedy recovery, you will be pleased to know that I am improving all the time and hardly hurt at all anymore. Tonight I’m going to tell you about the situation between Nicole and the Evil Dark Lord, in particular the events of last weekend.

It seems that Lord A is being very childish and refuses to speak to her about anything. He arrived at the hall last Friday and arranged a meeting through his sidekick Tony for a meeting over Sunday lunch which Tony prepared. Nicole assumed the meeting was to be between her and Lord A but when she came down to lunch he had invited his parents and to top it off included Tony at the table too so poor Nicole was well out numbered. Thinking of this makes me really angry inside even today. The next thing took everyone by surprise when he not only announced his desire to separate from Nicole preferring instead the company of Tony. I can’t tell you the exact words as I wasn’t there but from what Nicole has told me he said that due to his wife’s soul interest being that of her own interests and well being they have decided to part company, she to be replaced by Tony who has been more dedicated to both him and the estate in the short time he’s been his companion than his so called wife ever has. Apparently he stopped short of saying they were lovers and no one brought that up. Nicole told me that she got up from the table to leave the room saying that she wasn’t going to stay there and listen to that crap. She can be quite blunt at times. The old man stopped her leaving saying that running away wasn’t going to solve anything. I always thought he was a bit surly but it seems he did stick up for Nicole a little. Lord A asked his father what was the matter with the stupid woman, she doesn’t want me, she won’t fulfil her duties as a wife, she does nothing all day but laze around and spend my money, I’m giving her the chance to bugger off and start a new life so what’s she griping about? This was directed at his father but was a question for Nicole but he wasn’t speaking to her. Nicole didn’t wait for the father to repeat the question and told him directly that whatever he wanted to think they are still married and she would still be a dutiful wife if he wasn’t forcing her to play second fiddle to him [meaning Tony]. She went on to tell him that she can’t wait to go but after all he’s put her through she isn’t leaving with nothing. He can make her a proper offer or she would go for everything she was entitled too. The old man got in a sweat hearing that thinking he was going to lose half his estate or something because he backed her up straight away saying that of course she wouldn’t be expected to leave without some means of supporting herself. They had known her since she was born and known her family even before that so they weren’t about to do her down. Lord A apparently wasn’t listening when the part about supporting herself was mentioned because she suggested she could be allowed the Keepers Cottage in the village as it was already empty. Nicole asked him how she was supposed to support herself with that place and pointed out that Grange Farm was also coming empty and was prepared to wait. She said non of them liked that idea at all but she pointed out that if she goes through her solicitor they will find that she will be entitled to more than what that’s worth so she wasn’t going to settle for anything less. I have never seen Grange Farm and Nicole is no farmer but she said she was thinking on her feet so as not to get palmed off with something she didn’t want. She knew the place and likes it and its coming empty at the end of May. I told her they couldn’t just decided there and then what she had to have but I can see how she was fixed being on her own and all. Again the old man seemed to add some common sense to the proceedings and said that everyone needed to think about things. She again warned them that if it wasn’t to be Grange Farm it had to be something of its equal or she would take her demands to her solicitor to sort out. Also she wasn’t leaving the hall until everything was in writing. The old man assured her they would talk about it and sort something out as soon as possible. So that was it really for last Sunday apart from her being told that she had no further say in running the house or estate and for the time remaining of her stay there she had to use the cooks quarters which is a self contained flat in the top of the house. They don’t employ a full time cook anymore so the flat has been empty for some years and she says it’s not very nice.

Anyway when Nicole came over to see me this afternoon she had some news she was very excited about. The old man had been to see her this morning and said that they were prepared to offer up some property they have in Scotland. They used to have a whole shooting estate there until the old mans mother died and then they had to sell off most of it to pay off the shortfall in death duties. There is just the house and some land left there now and no one has been there for twelve years except for a caretaker who lives in and looks after the place. So anyway first thing in the morning we are going to catch a train up there to take a look at it. I can’t tell you how excited I am, another weekend away with my beautiful lady although I don’t think it will be the same as the last weekend but who cares as long as we are together it will be perfect I know it. I’m also excited for her because I can tell she is excited about it. I’ve never been to Scotland either so that will be cool as well. I know I shouldn’t but I can’t help dreaming that one day it may be our home – this is all so awesome I can’t believe it.

The Accident.

Today I am off work again although I feel little better than yesterday. I will tell you about my accident now.

It happened last Tuesday evening after returning from work. Luke (the farmer) knocked on the door and asked if I could help him for a minute as he was having trouble tagging a steer in the shed so mum said I could go even though dinner was ready, it should have only taken ten minutes.

The farmer has a big new shed up at the back of our old ones where he over winters the cattle and it was in there that we had to corner the steer. The trouble is the shed isn’t finished off properly so the lighting is terrible but he needed to get the steer tagged before the morning because he was having some kind of ministry inspection so we got this steer trapped behind the gate at the end of the building and I was about to put the tag in the ear when I don’t know what happened. I felt the gate moving the steer started to move around and I just knew I had to get away from the gate before it did a 180 and trapped me between it and the other door so I ran for it hoping it would either stop swinging or I got out of the way before it caught up with me. Unfortunately there is a strip along the front of the pens that is kept clear of bedding as this is where the cattle feed and the second my feet hit the concrete they just shot straight from under me and I slid on my back right under the feet of the rest of the cattle in the pen, there would be nine of them as there are ten to a pen. I was probably shaken from hitting the concrete but that was the least of my worries as I was laid on my back with cattle panicking all around me, I remember thinking that this is how its going to end for me. They say your whole life flashes before you at such times but I just thought of how upset Nicole would be and then I thought I had to get on my feet as soon as possible so I went to raised my self out of all the shit and that was when I took an almighty crack to the left side of my head. I have no idea what happened, whether it stood on my head or kicked it but it felt like hell. I don’t even remember getting out of the pen or how I did, I just remember kneeling on the concrete amongst the cattle feed holding my head. I couldn’t let go of my ear as it hurt so much. It felt sticky but I couldn’t tell why, whether is was shit blood or even brains. Then I thought of Luke and looked for him thinking he was probably trampled too but I couldn’t see him until I managed to get to my feet and then I saw him sitting in the straw in the back of the pen. I couldn’t understand why he was just sitting there like he was having a picnic or something, it was all really weird and unreal, I even wondered is I was alive or dreaming or something. Now it seems strange that I just climbed back through the barriers again considering how my head was feeling and what just happened but I never even thought about it, all I wanted to do was see why he was sitting there instead of coming to help me. I never thought he was sitting there because he himself was hurt, that was perhaps because he looked comfy in all the straw and he was sitting as though he was relaxing but in fact he was in as much pain as me. As the gate swung round it had trapped his leg against the post or something like that. I wasn’t really thinking straight but I sort of knew he couldn’t sit there so I helped him up best I could, I think I must have finally let go of my ear by now because I remember seeing blood dripping all over him as I bent over to help him up. When we got back out of the pen I asked him where the taggers were, I think I had some idea that we still had to tag the steer. I knew I’d had them, I also had a torch but that was gone too. He just said, ‘bugger the taggers and bugger the ministry, I’m going home’. That sounded good to me as I needed to get cleaned up. I kept on wiping the blood away and every time I did my hand had as much crap on it as blood.

Of course the minute I got inside mum started freaking out. She always wants to rush me off to hospital with just a cut finger. Couldn’t she see I needed to clean up and lie down a while. I ignored her and went upstairs to the bathroom. When I looked in the mirror I got a right shock, I was covered in blood from my left ear down my neck and all down the front of my top. I panicked a bit because it looked like it was all coming from inside my ear and I’ve seen movies where people who bleed from their ears have cracked skulls and such like. It certainly felt cracked and I could hardly open my mouth now as the whole side of my face was stiff and swollen. Mum was battering on the door demanding I come out so I did and admitted I needed to go to hospital.

The drive to hospital was horrendous, I felt every bump in the road. I didn’t know at the time but mum had thrown in some pyjamas because she thought I would be staying there but after cleaning me up and testing everything it turned out not so bad, I just had concussion and my ear was hanging off a bit so they glued it back on and sent me home and said I had to take it easy and if there was any problems to go to the doctors straight away.

I couldn’t move the next morning when I woke up. I got up at seven as usual intending to go to work, I couldn’t move my head though and I was all dizzy and couldn’t even tell if I was falling over or standing upright which was weird. Mum and dad made me get back in bed as there was no way I could stay on my bike anyway. She called the surgery because she was worried about my balance but they said it was because of the damage to my ear. The whole area was bruised and swollen, my neck and shoulder were stiff and hurt more than right after the accident.
As you know I did do some writing but I was whacked afterwards. I asked mum to call Nicole and tell her what happened as she would know I was missing from work. Nicole doesn’t like me calling in case someone else happens to pick her phone up so it was better if mum called her. It was really nice because she came over in the afternoon and sat with me and mum, I felt better just having her there and she was fussing over me all the time which was sweet. So was mum of course and that is always sweet so I was really spoilt and almost made up for nearly dying.

In the next post I will tell you what happened between Nicole and Lord A last sunday, sorry its taking me a while to get around to everything. I always thought I led a boring life until I started to write about it.

The Introduction.

Sorry I didn’t write this yesterday as promised but I had an accident last night that came so close to being my last that its scary but I will tell you more about that some other time perhaps. Now to continue where I left off the other night.

I was outside waiting for Nicole long before she arrived but I didn’t want her to arrive early and find no one there as I know how scary this must be for her and it was the same reason I held her hand all the way in to the house when she did arrive. As she got out of the car I gave her a little kiss and told her how beautiful she looked and that she made me feel so proud. I was sure we where being watched from the house as who doesn’t like a sneak preview but I didn’t care.

In the living room when we entered were mum and dad and my sister and he boy friend, who soon left, I watched their faces for signs of what they were thinking but all I saw were smiles which was great. Dad did look at me and raise his eyebrows after all the introductions had taken place. It was obvious from his look that he at least approved of her. I’ve since learned that they realised that she was older than me but at the time of the introductions didn’t realise how much older so it was good that they got to know her a little before I told them her age. We waited until after dinner when there was just mum and dad there to break the real show stopper to them which was that she is my former boss and hopefully soon to be the ex-wife of Lord A of XXXXX. Dad seemed to take it in his stride although the smile on his face was not so big anymore, mum was a bit more concerned though, mostly for me I think because she asked all the things I asked myself right at the beginning like her reasons for getting involved with someone younger, who was below her usually standards both educationally and financially.

‘To be honest Mrs Wilson Jake may not have been to the same schools as some of the men I’ve had dealings with in the past but never the less I find him to a smart intelligent young man in all the ways that matter most to me, as for money we will enjoy whatever each of us can provide and without meaning to boast I have ample provisions for both of us as neither of us relish an extravagant lifestyle as long as we have each other. As for Jake being younger than I, let me tell you he is far more grown up and mature than my present husband despite his age. I can understand your concerns but please Mrs Wilson you mustn’t worry, I think of Jacob from the minute I wake until when I go to sleep and would rather hurt myself than hurt him’.

During the last bit she reached out and took mum’s hand and I felt a lump coming in my throat it was so awesome what she said. It certainly took the wind out of mums sails because except for a few more little things like for instance was everything over with Lord A or might she somehow be tempted back to him. Nicole assured her that everything had been over between them years ago but it was only now that she was able to admit to it. These were the only times all night that she mentioned Lord A, she never said anything bad about anyone or put anyone down to bolster her case, she won everyone over just by being herself, she is the most amazing person I ever met.

The time passed way to quick as is always the case when Nicole is around. Like a proper gentleman I escorted her back to her car, not because I’m a gentleman or anything, I just wanted a quick kiss! This time out of sight of any prying eyes there might have been as it was not the sort of kiss I wish to share with my parents if you know what I mean. When we finished I whispered in her ear, ‘I really want to fuck you, you make me feel so special’.

I said this to make her feel wanted more than any thought that it might actually happen.

‘I want you too darling, it will have to be quick though’.

Whilst there was some doubting the timing and location there was no doubting her seriousness as she was already at the front of my jeans. As anyone of you know who’ve read my earlier posts I come in to my own when it comes to serving my lady a portion quick and hot. The way I treated her in the next few minutes was no way to treat a lady but thankfully for me being treated as a lady was not what she was asking for. It felt so thrilling doing it there and then, we were like animals or something and all the time she was doing that sexy talking stuff she does in that so refined voice of hers telling me to fuck her like a dirty farm bitch! I have to smile when I think about it now as I have no idea what a dirty farm bitch is but whatever it is her words had the desired effect on me, helping me to serve her up what felt to be an extra large portion with her back to the rough stone wall to which she seemed ever so grateful. I must try and get you a picture of her sometime following such an event because she has this certain wild look about her that I can’t explain. I made her promise to let me know that she got home safely and after checking out my clothing I went in to see mum and dad. If I was ever going to cop a rocket for anything concerning my affections for Nicole this was to be the time, I wasn’t a bit worried though as I knew they loved her so it came as a bit of a shock when I sat down in the sitting room and asked them what they thought of her.

Dad was the one to reply with the most serious expression I saw on his face all night, ‘How do you expect us to feel when you bring home another mans wife who is old enough to be your mother’?

I was just about to argue the point that she was hardly old enough to be my mother when his face cracked in to a smile once again before continuing,

‘who is very pretty, well educated, polite, thoughtful and loves you almost as much as me and your mother’.

‘Oh yes, and not to mention loaded’.

Dad never usually says much, its mum that does the talking for everyone but tonight it was the other way round he wouldn’t shut up.

‘If you don’t look after her you want your head looking at son’. And then it was quiet!

But now all I could think to say was, ‘how do you know she is loaded’? I know this sounds a bit of a dumb question but I’ve sort of got used to her being like ordinary and not at all how you imagine someone with money to be so I never really think of her being wealthy anymore.

Mum answered the question, ‘you don’t talk like she does unless you have money behind you’.

She then went on, ‘you know that whatever the outcome between you two there are going to be some rough times in front of you, people like Lord A can be spiteful and unforgiving people’.

She then went on about all the crap that’s going to happen and although I don’t know for sure what happens in these situations I know there is plenty of worry to come before we can be free to love as and when we want. Another thing that bothers me is when it is all finally over will it still feel the same. I keep thinking about the thrill of the chase, will above board everyday life make us become just normal. I hope not. I hate the scary bits and the sneaking round and some of the stuff we have now but I think sometimes it helps to make the times we are together more intense.

I sat with them talking until my phone went and on answering it Nicole asked what they said, meaning my parents. I told her everything was fine and that they loved her. I knew they did, dad didn’t even smile this much when he got his new digger and although mum was pretty quiet I know that’s only because she is worried for me, I know she likes Nicole as I think they spent more time talking with each other than they did me tonight. Mum will come round once she sees Nicole is looking out for me.

I told her I loved her, which felt a bit weird in front of mum and dad but who cares. I also said to ring me tomorrow sometime and then I went to bed feeling very happy. Little did I know what an awful night the next one would prove to be but more about that in my next post.

A Little Bald Guy.

Today has been such a drag I can’t stand to think it will always be like this from now on.

I was filling the log boxes as usual when this Tony guy came and told me I had to hang around when finished. He is a little bald foreign guy, his approach was pleasant enough but really I wasn’t in the mood to be nice to anyone so I just did as he asked. His lordship came in to the hall where me and all the house staff were waiting and he announced that he and Lady Alex are to be separated. Of course this was no surprise to me but the others let forth a few exclamations of regret. He himself admitted to it being regrettable but sometimes we have to move on. The thing he wanted to get across to us was that from now on we were not to involve Lady Alex in anything to do with the house or estate as it was no longer any concern of hers and in future he would be in residence on a more full time basis and when he was away we have to consult with Tony who is taking overall charge of the house and gardens. He made no mention of the fact that he was the cause of all the problems which I didn’t expect he would. He did say that we are allowed to converse with Lady Alex and that we should remain courteous to her but we needed to remember who paid our wages meaning that anything to do with the estate and house was regarded as private. I think he meant that we could talk to her about things other than the estate and house. He then said that no doubt we would want to talk over what he just said to us and gave us ten minutes to do so. They were all saying that Lady Alex was never any good and that it needed someone with more go in them and more down to earth. I couldn’t be bothered and left after a couple of minutes. How they could say it needed someone more down to earth I don’t know as you can’t get a lady who is more willing to get down to earth than Nicole.

I didn’t see anything of her all day but she was in because I kept on checking to see if her car was there. The only time I saw it missing was when I was leaving work tonight and I discovered that was because she was waiting at the picnic site which is on my way home. I was so thrilled to see her I just got her and gave her the biggest hug and kiss ever. She looked really terrible and had obviously been crying which upset me so much that I refused to let her go until she promised to come home with me. I couldn’t stand to think of her alone in that house with them lot. She argued that we couldn’t spring such a surprise on my poor mother at short notice. I let her talk her excuses because I was drinking in the feel of her against me and the scent of her in my nostrils. I just get so depressed and down in the dumps when I’m not with her for even a short time that when we meet again it’s the most massive relief imaginable. I didn’t say a word but just got out my phone, which thankfully had a signal and even though she was protesting and trying to take the phone from me I called mum and asked her if it was okay for Nicole to come and meet everyone and have dinner. I held the phone so Nicole could hear the reply and mum was asking how soon? I told her now and she started saying how the place was a mess. I didn’t want her saying too much about that sort of stuff so I just said, ‘look mum, you’ve been wanting to meet her this is it, do you want her to come or not’?

‘Yes of course, I just don’t want to embarrass you or anything’.

I told her we would be there shortly but when I put the phone down Nicole insisted that she allows my mum more time to prepare and said she would return home and tidy herself up before driving over to my house. I was happy with that as long as she promised not to get cold feet which she did promise.

‘After the weekend I just endured meeting your family is going to be no problem and besides I have to tell you what has been happening’.

‘Please tell me that you aren’t clearing off or anything like that’ I said suddenly coming over all worried again at the thought of what she had to tell me.

‘No of course not silly, you’re the only thing that makes life bearable right now, beside I wouldn’t be bothered about meeting your family if I didn’t plan on getting to know them would I’.

I’m not sure what I’m doing to make life bearable as I’ve been thinking all day that if I never had this notion of making her mine she would have had the baby and lived a life of luxury. The last bit about meeting my family made sense though and I was comforted by that.

She smiled, gave me a big hug and a kiss and said, ‘See what you did to me Jacob, just five minutes and you put the smile back on my face, how could I give up a guy who does that for me’?

‘You take care on that bike and I will see you at six thirty, be sure to meet me though as I want you with me when they start pelting me with rotten cabbages’ she said jokingly.

Well its too late now for me to tell you the rest so it will have to wait for tomorrow night.

Changes.

This morning I feel terrible. I hardly slept a wink, I’m sick with worry for the future and feel so bad for Nicole and inadequate because I wasn’t there for her when she needed me the most.

I got a quick call from her last night, she didn’t give many details but it seems that yesterday the whole family got together the out come being that she no longer has any dealings with the running of the estate and has to move out of the house. It seems that today when I get to work I will have a new boss, there will be no more visits to the potting shed so work will be just that from now on. We’re going to meet after work so I should be able to tell you more about things later.
I never imagined when I first had desires for her that winning her heart wasn’t even the start, it seems like there will never be a time when we can be free of worry for the future. I need to tell her how much I love her this morning but I can’t talk, call, text or even mail her, I have to wait for her call to me.

Past Things.

With me not being able to post so often I’ve got behind with a few things that have been happening one of which being that I had to own up to my parents about Nicole. When I say own up I don’t mean I told the whole truth and nothing but the truth but more like the sort of truth and as little as I have been able to get away with.

It all kicked off the night when I announced at the dinner table that I was going to be going away with friends for the weekend. Of course mum being psychic immediately asked what her name was and I could see on here face that she wasn’t playing mind games and she knew what was going on so there was no point in lying so I told her it was Nicole. She then went on about how it would have been nice to meet her before I went off on weekends with her to goodness knows where. She asked what her defects were and I looked at her because I wasn’t sure what she was asking but mum can be real sarcastic sometimes and went on to point out that there must be something wrong with her for me to keep her hidden away as boys are usually proud of their conquests. I said there was nothing wrong with her and then dad who hadn’t said a word asked if it was us I was ashamed of then? I told them it was nothing like that and that’s she was just a bit shy that was all. There wasn’t a lot more said then but ever since I’ve been under pressure to bring her home for tea sometime also they keep on asking stuff about her which is difficult to answer as I don’t feel able to say the truth and its even more difficult with what Nicole is having to put up with from Lord A because her mind is on that all the time and can’t get in to anything else like meeting my parents.

Up until Friday she hasn’t shown much concern for what his lordships actions may be but on Friday when she was with me she broke down.

‘I’m so worried what will become of me’ she said as I held her tightly to me.

I tried to assure her that I would look after her and she knew I would but went on to say that the trouble is she has always relied on someone else to look after her and so didn’t have any means to stand on her own feet apart from family money and that’s how she is in this mess. That’s why its always easier to give in than branch out. In the end we agreed that we would look after each and help one another to branch out, we would think of something to do together and then we would grow together in our own rights in away that one of us wasn’t owing to the other all the time. It was Nicole who said that is what she wants and I am quite happy with that, I think its good that she wants to work at something together and not just spend the day shopping and dinning out because if that were the case I couldn’t be part of that, it would have to come out of her money and be something she did on her own without me.

So at the moment we are waiting to see what happens this weekend. His lordship was due up on Friday night. He kept us on tender hooks for two days and then the woman from the office phones Nicole to say he was coming to stay the weekend – he didn’t even call Nicole to tell her so that’s not sounding very good is it. She said she will try and let me know what is happening if she can but so far I’ve heard nothing which is very draining.

Ravaged To Death.

I’m sorry for such a long absence, I bet you all thought I got ravaged to death by her ladyship really though its nothing to worry about.

The weekend away with her was awesome, the best time in my whole life so far. I won’t go in to the details other than to say that I discovered Nicole is a very demanding woman which is fine by me as I like such challenges.

There was one incident that put a bit of a damper on things and that happened when we got up on Saturday afternoon. She had her phone turned off all the time since we got there but as we were leaving for a walk around the village she turned it on to discover seventeen missed calls and numerous messages from his lordship. She said she had better call him as he wouldn’t leave off phoning so she called him back and put the phone on loudspeaker so I could hear and it was quite alarming to hear him. The first thing he said was, ‘Where the devil are you woman’? She explained that she was away for the weekend and he then asked why she didn’t attend the appointment with the consultant or whatever it was she was supposed to go to the other week. She told him straight that she had said several times that she had no intention of visiting anyone or having his child just because he said so.

He then said, ‘You stupid woman I think you will find that being my wife you’re obliged to provide me with suitable offspring'.

She told me later that by suitable he meant a son. I’m quite a placid sort of person but when I heard him say that to her I felt real anger build up inside me. Before she got to reply he then said,

‘You do realise what an absolute disappointment you are not only to my family but your own family and the estate’.

Then she said something that I thought was so awesome and proves what a smart lady she is, which was,

‘Perhaps if you were a man you would be able to tell your family the truth which I’m sure would leave them far more disappointed in you than I’.

Everything went quiet for a short while, she obviously struck a nerve. He then said,

‘Well darling if you’re going to be so pathetic about things I am going to be forced to evaluate you roll in things around here as its obvious from this conversation that you have no thought for the estate, its staff or the future of either, you’re a very selfish person who’s only thought in life is to take everything she can for herself and give nothing back in return. I’m going to make one more appointment for you and if you fail to keep it there will be no more giving on my part’,

And with that he put the phone down. So as you can imagine it was not a nice situation and from what Nicole says this sort of thing is going on all the time in private. It amazes me how he never seems to think about the causes of it all. I want to tell everyone what he’s doing with that Tony but Nicole said I mustn’t say a word about anything, which is really hard after what I heard that day. Anyway the new appointment is for Wednesday and she isn’t going so goodness knows what will happen. All I know is that I will stand by my beautiful lady and hold and comfort her.

When I got back from the weekend away the sheep had started lambing so I all my time away from work has been spent at the farm looking after them. They aren’t our sheep but belong to the farmer who I help when he’s busy. The place we live used to be a farm but the guy who had it before us sold up after the foot and mouth. He sold the land to the neighbour and we bought the house and buildings, dad has the idea of turning them in to cottages one day but knowing dad it will be some day never. Anyway its this neighbour guy who I have been helping all last week, I only got two hours sleep one night because there was trouble and we have to get the vet out at three in the morning and he did an operation there and then in the barn so I was pretty tired the next day but Nicole was such a sweetie and made me take it easy.
I took a few pictures while away and also of the sheep and lambs so I guess you would rather see the cute stuff first. The lamb in the picture is one I had to help as it had a leg back. Don’t confuse it with the one from the operation, I never took any pics of that.

A Real Woman Is Different.

Today was the day of the appointment at the clinic in London for Nicole she obviously didn’t go and so far nothing unpleasant has come to pass, neither of us have been stuck down. After a conversation we had during dinner on Sunday where I said I would help if I could do anything rather than her having to give in to his lordships wishes she assured me that she had no intention of having his baby and all she ever wanted from me to was stand by her and that I need not worry myself with it all as it was their problem and she would sort it. Apparently she was on the phone to him the other night and he was having a go at her with his threats and bribes and she just told him he was free to find some other mug anytime he wanted if he didn’t like things the way they were. To my ears this was really great news although at the time I was in no mood for rejoicing, now things are back okay between us again I think its cool the way she hinted to him that he might be better finding someone else, she is so smart.

I had real trouble sleeping last night with the thought of the weekend filling my head. On one hand I’m scared stiff both from the thought of spending a weekend in such a posh place, I’m worried I’ll show myself up for what I am. Also I’m worried I won’t perform to expectations in the bedroom. I have all the ideas and answers in my head but my goodness the real thing is going to be something different I know it. I’ve never even seen a real woman naked before. Knowing me I will probably cum just from looking at her! I guess it wouldn’t be half as scary with a girl my own age as she would probably be as useless as me at it – but a REAL woman and a real hot sex starved aristocratic woman, lord please help me!

There was a load of logs delivered today which meant one of my jobs was to throw them all down the cellar. There is a big iron grill under which is a piece of hard board that covers the hole in to the cellar. I lifted the grill and put it against the wall and then when I lifted the board it broke in half because it was rotten and one half fell down in to the cellar so I had to retrieve it before I could throw down the logs or it would have been buried so to get down the cellar I had to go around to the back door and let myself in through the pantry as I do every morning. As I’ve said before the pantry is now used as a laundry room. It has the washer and drier and iron and all that stuff and there are linen cupboards around the walls with a big table in the middle of the room. You walk straight through the room and through the door in the opposite wall, this brings you in to a long corridor opposite to the pantry door is the door to the log cellar, to the right are more cupboards and the end of the corridor and left the corridor heads towards the kitchen. Off the corridor at various intervals are doors leading to more utility rooms, I have no idea what is in them as I only ever pass them by. I tell you all of this just so you have some idea of where the log cellar and pantry are situated sort of out on a limb.

Anyway as I walked in to the pantry I was pleased to see Nicole sorting through some washing. I know, what is she doing sorting through washing but from what I’ve learnt it isn’t below her to do a few odd jobs around the house, cooking being another example.

‘Hello Jake, what brings you here’?

I explained about the board falling down the hole and she was saying how she would get the maintenance guys to cut a new one as she didn’t want rats down the cellar. I looked down the corridor and there was no sign of anyone so I went back in to the pantry took a deep breath of her perfume and whispered in her ear, ‘I’m going to enjoy fucking your skinny little upper class ass stupid this weekend’, and kissed her cheek and turned to leave.

‘Oow! Jacob, promises promises’!

She’s taken to calling me Jacob for some reason, I don’t mind as it sounds kinda cute the way she says it unlike when my mum calls me Jacob and usually that just means trouble.

I retrieved the bit of board and managed after a few attempts to throw it back out through the hole to save me from carrying it back round.

Passing back through the pantry Nicole asked, ‘is anyone there’?

‘No can’t hear anyone, why’? I replied.

‘Why wait until the weekend’ she said with a terrible wicked look on her face before backing her ass in to me. The way she was acting I think she must have come in a bullin’ or something.

It doesn’t seem to matter what I do she always manages to turn the tables on me and make me feel like I’m drowning or being eaten alive.

I was wary after the other day of saying anything that might look like I wasn’t enthusiastic about giving her a portion.

‘We can’t, someone might come’.

‘Go on, you know you want to’, she said rubbing my rampant cock with her tight little trouser clad ass. God how I wanted too if only to stop her rubbing me like that, and she smelled so good and red hot. My hands automatically wrapped around her front, mainly to try and control her a little but they sort of ended up on her breasts which aren’t over big but are firm and awesome to hold. I could tell that she had no bra on as the nipples fairly dug in to my hands.

‘Take me over the table Jacob’ she said in an amazing dreamy voice.

I couldn’t believe what she was doing, all I could think of apart from ramming my almost bursting cock in to her as she was requesting was that Angela or someone might come. Then I thought, oh fuck it, she must know something I don’t and somehow managed to reason that was why she was in there sorting out the washing and she was right about one thing, I did want too more than anything so I reached for the front of her trousers but the instance my fingers started work on the button she caught me by surprise by spinning around and pulling free. I thought someone was there at first until she said, ‘Jacob, you really would wouldn’t you, wow, you are such naughty boy sometimes’!

I looked at her in bewilderment but knew instantly that she had been toying with me. I called her a bitch, just in fun like, I was sort of relieved in a way.

She went out in to the passage and then came back, pushed me against on of the cupboards and stuck her cool hand down the front of my trousers all in one fluid movement. What followed next would have any experienced milkmaid green with envy.

‘Goodness me, do you always cum so much’ she asked as she looked for something to wipe quite a considerable amount of my admiration for her from her right hand. I don’t know what she was complaining about as she left most of it inside my underpants which proved to be quite a discomfort for sometime afterwards despite a visit to the toilet after leaving the pantry.

Getting The Feeling Back

I woke at 7:20 and due to the excitement I wasn’t able to lay around as I would normally do on a Sunday morning so I got up and took the dogs out and prepared myself for our first proper date. I was waiting at the top of the yard for eleven as arranged. I didn’t hide where I was going or who with from my parents but I did sort of make out it was something the lord and lady did for the house staff and from that they just assumed that it wasn’t just me and Nicole. She arrived on time and was in her own car so drove while I showed her the way to where I had the meal booked. She looked even more beautiful than ever and even wore make-up but best of all she was wearing a skirt. Today was the first time I’ve seen her bare legs, when I say bare, she was wearing tights or stockings but my goodness she has awesome legs. I can never decided what part of her I like the most at the best of times and now I have another attribute to choose from.

I decided to wait until after the meal to give her the present I bought for her so after the waitress served the coffee I fetched out the gift wrapped box and presented it to her. I could tell she was shocked that I bought her something and I also saw delight spread across her face as she saw the Blue John pendant on a silver chain. I told her the reason for me choosing to give her Blue John was because there is only one place in the whole world that it can be found and it’s the same place where I come from and also like her its beautiful and unique. She asked me to put it on for her which felt a bit strange because up until today we had not really been so up close and personal in public, today though it didn’t matter as we were far enough away for it to be very unlikely that anyone would know either of us although that sort of thing can never be taken for granted.

So everything went great until on the way home when quite unexpected she pulled the car in to this picnic site just off the road. Now I know you’re all going to think me really stupid now but for some reason I sort of got this notion from the way she was acting that this was going to be my big day and I just didn’t want it to happen in the back of a car. When I did it with her I wanted it to be right and satisfactory of both of us. So as soon as I felt her hand on my thigh I just said ‘couldn’t we save it for somewhere better than this’. Well she pulled away from me and looked at me with not a very nice look at all and said, ‘Huh! Where have I heard that one before’.

I took it that she was referring to her husband so I said that it wasn’t anything like that and tried to explain but I don’t think she wanted to hear because she just said, ‘its alright Jake, stop squirming’. That was it really, we hardly spoke all the way home because every time I said something she just snapped at me.

So tonight I’m not feeling so good. I didn’t want to upset her and if I knew she would react like this I would have just done it but I wanted it to be right for our first time. I know I’m a stupid dumb ass, I should just have give her one like any normal guy would whether it turned out right or not.

The above was written on Sunday evening after I returned. During my cold light of day moment on Monday morning it came to me that she was being unreasonable and really for the first time ever I saw her in a different light and it sickened me. I didn’t want to see her this way, I wanted to always see her the way I’d seen her up until yesterday. Thankfully we’ve given up with the meeting during filling the log boxes so as not to let a stray glance get picked up by anyone else so now she comes and finds me in the garden. She came to see me on the Monday but it wasn’t the same, the spark had gone, she was trying to be like normal but I had this sick empty feeling inside me. I didn’t want to be like this with her and I definitely wasn’t trying to punish her or anything but there was just nothing there anymore and I didn’t know why. I think I felt like she didn’t want to understand why I did what I did. I did notice that she was wearing the pendant which was something I guess. So all day I felt like crap and all day Tuesday too, I even went and got out of the way when it was time for her to visit just so I didn’t have to face her but then I felt even worse so today I waited in the potting shed although I wasn’t even sure if she would bother to come after yesterday. Anyway she did arrive at the usual time and said she was glad to see I hadn’t disappeared today then handed me a big envelope. I was wondering if it was my papers and she was going to tell me to leave and then she asked if wasn’t I going to open it then. On doing as she said I discovered it was confirmation for a weekend break for two at a very posh looking hotel. I didn’t know what to think and looked at her for the answer to all the questions flooding my head.

‘The back seat of a car isn’t good enough for you so maybe that is’ she said.

‘For me and you’ is all I could think to say.

She smiled like she used to and replied, ‘yes, unless you prefer to take his lordship instead’!

‘No course not’, I quickly said as I tried to think what I could tell mum. I was scared stiff and still am when I think about it but I’m going come what may.

She held out her arms and said, ‘come here you big wally’.

She gave me a big hug and said she was sorry.

‘I keep forgetting you’re still a boy. You make all those fancy speeches of yours and its like you’re same as all the other guys, I forget you have a tender heart. What you did was really sweet you know’.

I told her I just wanted it to be good for our first time. Anyway she has promised to look after me better in future and I feel better now and I’ve got some of the feeling back thankfully.

No Regrets

Hello everyone, I hope your weekend was as good as mine. I had planned on telling you all about mine but I have to confess to doing something so rash as to render myself too embarrassed to utter a word of it to anyone at the moment.

Saturday went as planned in that I went over to see my gran and whilst there bought a present for my lady, which I’m pleased to say she is most thrilled about. My gran lives near to where I call home even though we have lived where we do now longer than I remember living in Castleton but for some reason it feels more like home than here.

Yesterday was really good, we both enjoyed our meal and the time we spent together, I just wish I could tell you the whole of it but even though I wrote it all out last night when it was fresh in my mind and I wanted to tell everyone now for some reason I can’t even bring myself to read what I wrote. It sort of makes me feel sick and ashamed because its like I have regrets but really I don’t, I couldn’t even get enthusiastic about seeing Nicole today because of this feeling I have. Well I can’t sit here all night searching for reasons of explanation, I just hope it passes in my sleep and tomorrow I can resume, if not… I don’t know.