Wednesday, 3 March 2010

Getting The Feeling Back

I woke at 7:20 and due to the excitement I wasn’t able to lay around as I would normally do on a Sunday morning so I got up and took the dogs out and prepared myself for our first proper date. I was waiting at the top of the yard for eleven as arranged. I didn’t hide where I was going or who with from my parents but I did sort of make out it was something the lord and lady did for the house staff and from that they just assumed that it wasn’t just me and Nicole. She arrived on time and was in her own car so drove while I showed her the way to where I had the meal booked. She looked even more beautiful than ever and even wore make-up but best of all she was wearing a skirt. Today was the first time I’ve seen her bare legs, when I say bare, she was wearing tights or stockings but my goodness she has awesome legs. I can never decided what part of her I like the most at the best of times and now I have another attribute to choose from.

I decided to wait until after the meal to give her the present I bought for her so after the waitress served the coffee I fetched out the gift wrapped box and presented it to her. I could tell she was shocked that I bought her something and I also saw delight spread across her face as she saw the Blue John pendant on a silver chain. I told her the reason for me choosing to give her Blue John was because there is only one place in the whole world that it can be found and it’s the same place where I come from and also like her its beautiful and unique. She asked me to put it on for her which felt a bit strange because up until today we had not really been so up close and personal in public, today though it didn’t matter as we were far enough away for it to be very unlikely that anyone would know either of us although that sort of thing can never be taken for granted.

So everything went great until on the way home when quite unexpected she pulled the car in to this picnic site just off the road. Now I know you’re all going to think me really stupid now but for some reason I sort of got this notion from the way she was acting that this was going to be my big day and I just didn’t want it to happen in the back of a car. When I did it with her I wanted it to be right and satisfactory of both of us. So as soon as I felt her hand on my thigh I just said ‘couldn’t we save it for somewhere better than this’. Well she pulled away from me and looked at me with not a very nice look at all and said, ‘Huh! Where have I heard that one before’.

I took it that she was referring to her husband so I said that it wasn’t anything like that and tried to explain but I don’t think she wanted to hear because she just said, ‘its alright Jake, stop squirming’. That was it really, we hardly spoke all the way home because every time I said something she just snapped at me.

So tonight I’m not feeling so good. I didn’t want to upset her and if I knew she would react like this I would have just done it but I wanted it to be right for our first time. I know I’m a stupid dumb ass, I should just have give her one like any normal guy would whether it turned out right or not.

The above was written on Sunday evening after I returned. During my cold light of day moment on Monday morning it came to me that she was being unreasonable and really for the first time ever I saw her in a different light and it sickened me. I didn’t want to see her this way, I wanted to always see her the way I’d seen her up until yesterday. Thankfully we’ve given up with the meeting during filling the log boxes so as not to let a stray glance get picked up by anyone else so now she comes and finds me in the garden. She came to see me on the Monday but it wasn’t the same, the spark had gone, she was trying to be like normal but I had this sick empty feeling inside me. I didn’t want to be like this with her and I definitely wasn’t trying to punish her or anything but there was just nothing there anymore and I didn’t know why. I think I felt like she didn’t want to understand why I did what I did. I did notice that she was wearing the pendant which was something I guess. So all day I felt like crap and all day Tuesday too, I even went and got out of the way when it was time for her to visit just so I didn’t have to face her but then I felt even worse so today I waited in the potting shed although I wasn’t even sure if she would bother to come after yesterday. Anyway she did arrive at the usual time and said she was glad to see I hadn’t disappeared today then handed me a big envelope. I was wondering if it was my papers and she was going to tell me to leave and then she asked if wasn’t I going to open it then. On doing as she said I discovered it was confirmation for a weekend break for two at a very posh looking hotel. I didn’t know what to think and looked at her for the answer to all the questions flooding my head.

‘The back seat of a car isn’t good enough for you so maybe that is’ she said.

‘For me and you’ is all I could think to say.

She smiled like she used to and replied, ‘yes, unless you prefer to take his lordship instead’!

‘No course not’, I quickly said as I tried to think what I could tell mum. I was scared stiff and still am when I think about it but I’m going come what may.

She held out her arms and said, ‘come here you big wally’.

She gave me a big hug and said she was sorry.

‘I keep forgetting you’re still a boy. You make all those fancy speeches of yours and its like you’re same as all the other guys, I forget you have a tender heart. What you did was really sweet you know’.

I told her I just wanted it to be good for our first time. Anyway she has promised to look after me better in future and I feel better now and I’ve got some of the feeling back thankfully.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...

This is a pleasure to read.

Secretia