The Weekend.

Hi everyone, I guess you are wondering how I got on last Friday and over the weekend. Friday lunch time was really nice cos Katie made me some shepherds pie. Apparently she made it the day before for her dinner and she saved some for me to have for lunch on Friday. I made a bit of a slip up though, because I had the shepherds pie for lunch I didn’t eat my sandwiches and mum wondered why! Anyway I just told her what was going on and she said to be careful.
Because Katie was so kind I decided to offer to give her a hand getting her stuff sorted out as I don’t think they give her much chance to do stuff also she needed a hand moving some of the heavy stuff around.
After I got done work dad took me to pick up my new car which was all very exciting, I couldn’t wait until the next morning when I could go for a drive in it. In the afternoon I went Katie’s as they gave her the rest of the day off so we did a load of work which was fun and then in the evening we went out to the local pub and had a meal. It wasn’t a romantic or fancy meal, just something to eat and have a chat over.

We All Have Bad Habits.

Today I took the plunge and spent my lunch break at Katie’s place. I wasn’t sure how welcome I would be considering my lack of enthusiasm yesterday but I need not have worried. I was making a pretence of dead heading some Fuchsia’s in a trough outside the dowager house at just before 12 so I didn’t have to wait long before Katie appeared. She didn’t seem so bright and friendly at first but that soon lifted when I asked if the offer to share lunch breaks was still on. I will try and get a layout of the place if I can sometime so you can see what its like but for now I will just explain that attached to the big house is a row of four houses three of which are for the estate staff. Katie has the first one from the big house, then it is the dowager house and the next one is where the woodman lives and on the very end is for the game keepers little helper. So you will see from that it is only a few paces from the dowager house to Katie’s place.
I followed her inside and she took off the white coat that she wears to work. It may sound strange but I was relieved to see that I was wrong about her not wearing anything under it, this day she had on shorts and a T-shirt. She now went and let herself down by picking up a pack of cigarettes, taking one out and offering me the packet. I think she knew what I was thinking because when I declined she said, ‘No smoke no like – right’? It’s true I was disappointed as I don’t really like smoking but I said that I was more surprised that someone in her profession should be a smoker. She said we all have bad habits which is true but most of them don’t kill you. Anyway I agreed with her and left it at that saying that if we are to be friends we have to live with each others habits.
Then I went and did something I feel bad about now – well, a bit bad. Thing was mum texted me to say that I would have to get my own dinner tonight as everyone would be out so I was answering the message as Katie was showing me round and I don’t know why but I got an urge and went and took some covert pics of her with my phone. It didn’t seem that bad at the time but now I feel a bit guilty, I was actually intending putting them on here but I guess that would make it even worse.
Anyway it was very nice and I will be going there every day until she kicks me out. I’m thinking I might offer to give her a hand because she has loads of unpacking still to do. I’m not sure how that will go down with anyone else but who cares as it’s nothing to do with anyone else as long as I do my work.
I just had another look at the pictures and there is one of her face that is quite nice so just so that you can see what she looks like I will put it on but may remove it some time in the future.

Sorry about the quality but it was with my phone and I was trying to be sneaky.

Something To Think About.

This morning I got a call from the housekeeper asking me to take in some veg for the shoot dinner on Friday. I receive all such instructions through the housekeeper now so it was no surprise when I got there with the veg to be told by her to fill the log boxes as they would be having fires now that the weather is turning colder.

Down the wood cellar.

I think the gentleman is here at the moment although I haven’t seen him but you can sort of tell when he is here just by the way the cars come and go and little things like that. One of my daily tasks is to go and check on the sheep across the road. They have a flock of rare breed sheep so to save the farmer coming out to look I keep and eye on them and if there is problem I report it to the manager who then sorts it out. Anyway this morning I was just wandering up the drive to the road when Katie pulled up in the dowager gentleman’s car. She put down the window and said straight out before I got chance to do anything more than smile good morning to her, ‘How was the pie’? I thanked her and said it was very good and that she is a good cook. She then said that I needed to change my lunch break and being curious asked why.
‘Well I have to have mine from 12 till 1 same time as the family so if you had the same time you could come share more pie with me’.
This came out of the blue and left me a bit speechless. I must say that I am getting to enjoy her company more and more but I thought that changing my lunch break so I could spend it with her was getting a bit close to the same road I took with Nicole.
‘What’s the matter, don’t you like the idea’? she asked.
I said that I liked the idea of having company for lunch as my job is very lacking in that department but I was thinking about how bad it would be to go back to having lunch by myself in the potting shed after she got fed up of me dropping crumbs all over her flat. She was surprised that I would give up an invitation just because I was afraid of what might or might not happen in the future. She couldn’t hang around any longer so just left the invitation open, if I want to take my lunch with her I was welcome, I just had to be around her place at 12. I have to confess to getting to be more and more interested in the idea, today though I stuck with my usual routine but having considered it all afternoon I think I may give it a go tomorrow so watch this space.

Veg for the shoot.

Love Pie.

I was asked yesterday what happened between me and Nicole. Well to be honest I don’t truthfully know for sure. Everything was going great until she went to visit her parents for the weekend. We were in touch every night until the Sunday and then she never called or answered my calls until very late in the evening and when she did all she said was that I had to cool things down and when I pressed her as to what was the matter she said for me to go to bed and she put the phone down. I tried calling her on the Monday from time to time but her phone was off and then when she was back on Tuesday morning I went to do the logs and get my jobs from her and she just spoke to me like I was the gardener and also said that there was no further need for me to go to the house in the mornings as they wouldn’t be using any more logs for the time being so now I just go straight in to the gardens and find my own jobs. I never see anyone from one end of the day to the next. I did manage to get her cornered after a week or so and I asked if it was something her parents had said and she said they had said nothing. All she would say was that we had a good time and should just leave it there and that’s all I have ever got to know. The wonderful Tony has disappeared back to London and everything at the big house seems to be back as it was although as I say I see no one so don’t have any real idea what is happening. Today was one of the best days I’ve had in over six months and for the first time in ages I am actually looking forward to going to work tomorrow. Now I know what you’re going to say when I tell you this but really I’m not going down the same road again.
This morning I was planting up the Dowager lady’s wall borders which she asked me to do yesterday when I saw her in the garden with the new nurse. Anyway I was getting on well and was just thinking of taking my tea break when the nurse came out of the dowager house. I had resisted bringing forth a stiffy all last night for fear it would affect my judgement of her but this morning I woke with my pyjamas under considerable strain and I have to be honest and say I succumbed to the pressure so when the nurse put in an appearance this morning I couldn’t help pay more interest than I had previously. She seemed much prettier than I remembered, very slim with long legs. Nicole is quite tall but the nurse is probably even taller. This morning she was actually dressed more like a nurse, or perhaps more like a doctor actually as she was wearing a long white coat over not a lot as far as I could tell – I do tend to notice stuff like that. I think she knew that I was already there because she didn’t show any sort of surprise when she saw me and went straight in to a conversation about the pansies I was planting. She also said that she has to step outside for a breath of fresh air as the old couple have it very hot in the house which was perhaps why the nurse didn’t appear to have much on under her coat – there again it was probably just me and my wishful thinking! She told me her name which is Katie and I passed a comment on the wonderful smell that was coming through the half open door. She announced that she was baking an apple pie which surprised me a little as it’s not the normal thing for a nurse to do but it turns out she is more of a PA come housekeeper than a actual nurse to the old couple although she does have nursing duties as well. After asking when my lunch break was she told me to come back then and she would bring me out a piece for my lunch. I wasn’t sure if this was ok with the old couple but if she was able to pull it off I would willingly eat it. So at just after 12:30 I was hanging around outside the dowager house having finished the planting job some time previously. I was there more in hope than any real belief that she would actually show up with a piece of pie but she didn’t let me down. It was wrapped in foil which was warm to the touch. I took it back to the potting shed where I enjoyed it immensely while I tried desperately not to fall in love with its creator. I’m such a sucker for a kind heart and a pretty smile. I’m sure if she read this now she would laugh at how some one can turn a kind gesture in to a love affair. I’ve just realised there must be something attractive about her because I have hardly given Nicole a thought all day!

Once Again Inspired.

Its a while since I last posted anything because of several reasons. One reason being due to the time of year and all the work that involves. Not so much at the hall as they are fixed hours but after work I go off on contract jobs for the farm. Another reason for not writing has been my frame of mind which has been played upon by a certain person so leaving me pretty much down in the dump all summer. That person being the lady bitch Nichole although even after all she has put me through I still find it hard to really see her in a bad light. I reckon if she wanted I would still get sucked in all over again by her beauty and sweetness even after all the humiliation and heartache.
So why am I suddenly back bloggin'? Well apart from having more time again now I've had a moment today that's inspires me to put pen to paper once again.
About 3 weeks ago I saw her ladyship with this woman who at the time I took to be a friend, mainly due to the way they were acting and the fact they appeared to be of a similar age. Then last week I saw her driving in and out of the place a couple of times on her own so wasn't sure what or who she was. Then this afternoon I saw her and the dowager lady walking around the garden while I was clearing some old plants out of the greenhouse. Next minute I see her making a beeline for the greenhouse by herself. I met her at the door where she announced that she was the new nurse and did I have a container they could put some apples in? I do save a few boxes for just such occasions so as I went to the potting shed to get one I pondered the fact that we had 'A' nurse let alone a new one. I know the old couple have been having some troubles over the summer but I have heard no mention of them needing a private nurse and she certainly wasn't dressed like a nurse. My thoughts were interrupted by her asking if it was safe to enter the potting shed? I wasn't sure why she was asking but said it was quite safe. She then surprised me further by saying she had been told to give the potting shed a wide birth. I immediately went on the defensive thinking Nicole had been saying something and I think she realised that she had said something wrong because she tried to backtrack by saying that she heard tails of what gardeners get up to in potting sheds with their dibbers. If this was her idea of trying to cover her tracks she wasn't doing a very good job because it just made me more convinced that she knew something - or is it just my guilty conscience? I may have cursed Nicole a little as I have become good at that but would probably have thought no more of it had it not been the look she gave me as she left. It was the same sort of look Nicole used to give me when she was up for some fun. Its fair to say that the nurse is pretty enough but our first meeting didn't have the trouser splitting effect on me that Nicole had on our first meeting. I can't deny it though, she is preying on my mind tonight. I'm trying to be cool and not get sucked in to any stupid idea's like I did last time but what if she is up for some fun? Can I resist? Should I resist? What is it with me and 30 something women?

Bright Light.

Not a lot has been happening today really. I had the wonderful Tony pay me a visit in the potting shed this afternoon as I was pricking out seedlings, his visits don’t hold the same appeal as Nicole’s did and I just feel depressed afterwards when I think about it. I know there is no reason to be as I now have more time with her than ever but it just makes me sad to think of the plans we had for the garden and stuff and now they will never happen.

Today Nicole took mum to York for a girls day out as she calls it. I guess this sounds stupid and petty as well when I say I felt real envy at mum having the day out with Nicole. Well there is one good thing, they’re getting on like a house on fire now, you’d think they were best mates.

Nicole stayed for dinner with us so we spent some time together afterwards. We went up the shed and looked at what lambs are left in there as she loves to see the lambs.
She has become a permanent fixture at dinner times now, everyone is quite subdued on the days when she isn’t there. She even has her own place between me and dad and no one sits there if she isn’t here. Even Tyrone comes out of his shell when Nicole is eating with us. Tyrone is my sister’s boy friend, things are back to normal between them now and all that other stuff from a few weeks ago is forgotten about. I thought it was quite amusing a few nights back when we were all there having dinner, we’re all talking in our northern accents to varying degrees and then you have Nicole with her refined upper class accent. It’s funny as well because dad is there trying to teach her to speak like us and she is trying to teach him to speak properly like her. It’s all done in good fun and like I say dinner times are a ball now and take forever to get through with all the talking and stuff. She is such a bright light, I am so proud of her, I am very lucky. Our only argument so far apart from the back seat of the car incident is who is the luckiest me for having her or her for having me.

The Answer.

As much as I love to receive your comments I am pleased to see that there wasn’t a flood of them all giving the right answer to the question I posed last night or we would have looked pretty stupid. Now I will carry on where I left off.

‘and’…? She said looking at me intently.

Really I couldn’t see what she was driving at and in the end she put me out of my misery pointing out that the Scott’s, even though never seen by anyone from the main estate back home are never the less still employees of Lord A! I couldn’t believe that it never even occurred to us. We do everything to make sure Angela and the others have no idea about us and never even gave the Scott’s a thought when in reality they are no different to Angela or any one else on the estate. I offered to go somewhere and wait while she went and looked at the property but she said that was no good as she had already arranged with Mrs Scott to have rooms ready for us to stay over. The one good thing was that as far as she could recall she only ever referred to me as a friend when making arrangements with Mrs Scott, so I went as a friend and we just hoped that even if they did mention it to some one back home they wouldn’t catch on that it was me. There was one thing in our favour and that was on the Sunday morning Archie [Scott] enquired that if Nicole took to the place would she be looking to employ people. Well Nicole has brains as well as beauty and was quick to say that there was a very good chance that she would be looking for a few loyal people to help out around the place depending on what she decided to do with it if she had it. Of course another good thing is that with me being a bit younger than Nicole people don’t tend to see us as close friends if you know what I mean. Nicole told me tonight that his lordships father mentioned to her about taking someone with her to view the place and she just said that it was a knowledgeable friend who was there to advise her. We both love the place but its semi-derelict. It could be nice but needs loads of money spending on it. We both cracked up on the way home because she was on at me to say more about what we could do with the place and just tell her my idea’s and I said that I didn’t know anything about business and that she was the smart one with all the idea’s.

She laughed and said, ‘Jake that sounds so strange, you’re the only guy I’ve been with that ever said those words to me. Usually they just throw cold water on my idea’s’.

‘I’m sorry, I guess I am being a bit negative about the place’ I said thinking about what I’d been saying about it needing loads of money spending on it and what have you.

‘Believe me Jacob, your words were no more than the finest mist, when I talk of pouring cold water on my idea’s I mean bucket full after bucket full of cold water until the whole idea is well and truly washed down the drain and I’m left feeling stupid and worthless’. She leaned over and kissed me and said not to worry that we would work something out. There was an old man and woman opposite, they both smiled when I looked at them.

Nicole was here tonight and she was talking to my parents about the place and dad said, ‘why don’t you do like Jake when he needs some money’?
I could tell dad was up to mischief and when Nicole asked what did I do he said he asks his dad!

She laughed and said, ‘Yes that is an option, it is after all what daddies do best’ and gave dad’s arm an affectionate tap.

So the way things stand at the moment is we’re waiting to have a full survey done on the place, which is what her father has advised her to do before she agrees to anything so it could be a while before anything is decided she is also taking advice from someone as to how much she could expect to receive if she went through proper channels instead of working out a deal directly with his lordship. She would rather do a deal though as she doesn’t want a load of hassle from him about things.

Before I finish I would just like to say well done to Matt for guessing the right answer, I think we will have to employ him as our advisor or something.

What Was Nicole Getting At?

Today was my first day back since my accident and everything went okay. I was worried that all my seedlings would have died with me being off work but it seems that Tony has been looking after them for me. I have to say if I’m honest that he seems quite a pleasant sort although I won’t be telling Nicole that.

I’ve been a bit worried because as I said last night we made a really stupid mistake which Nicole spotted half way to Scotland. We were to be picked up at the station by a Mr Scott who is the caretaker at the place we were going to be looking round and then Nicole was saying how I must participate in the viewing as this was to be our place and not just hers. I know I finished off a post the other night saying something along the same lines but it sort of meant more with her saying it and then all of a sudden she sat upright in the seat saying, ‘Oh my goodness, I just realised something’.

She startled me a little the way she burst in to life.

‘What’ I asked.

‘Who did I just say we were meeting’?

‘Mr Scott’ I replied.

‘Who is’? she asked.

‘The caretaker’ I said searching her face for an answer to what she was getting at.

‘and…’?

Can you tell me what Nicole is getting at? I know I said I was going to tell you tonight but I thought it might be fun to see you’re all smarter than me. I will tell you the answer tomorrow I promise.

So instead tonight I’m going to show you some pictures, mainly in answer to Mr Doubting Thomas who seems to think I sit here night after night writing a pack of lies. As a couple of you ladies know I nearly pulled the plug on this blog a week ago because of his discouraging attitude towards me and my lady, anyway thank you for encouraging me to stay on and finish what I started for you.

The pictures are of where the accident took place and I hope they will show what I say was true and also help explain to you better what happened.

The first picture shows the steers that I ended up underneath. They’re roughly in the same place as when I ended up on my back under them all. The barrier you can see behind them is the feed barrier where I escaped too some how after I got kicked in the head. Sorry the pics aren’t so good but it came in dark due to a heavy snow shower at the time.

The next picture shows the gate that I was trying to escape from. Just to give you some idea of the weight of this gate I will tell you its made of heavy steel and takes two men to lift when not hung on the hinges. Also on the night of the accident that heap of straw you can see on the floor wasn’t there so there was nothing to stop the gate from swinging all the way round. What we did was drive the steer behind the gate and forced it up against the door with the gate, its head would have been about half way down the gate when I was working on it trying to insert the ear tag. Luke was at this near end of the gate supposed to be holding it to trap the steer between it and the door. Luke is much bigger than me and should have been able to hold it with ease so I don’t know why he didn’t and I also don’t know how he got his leg trapped either. The wall on the right is where he was sitting when I found him after the accident. When the catch on the gate is in the position it is in the picture i.e. not protruding from the end of the gate there is nothing to stop the gate swinging a full 180 degrees and this is why it was so important for me to get out of the way of it or I could easily have been crushed or flattened by the swinging gate if I stopped where I was.
To show you the forces involved if you look at the next picture notice how the catch is bent. That catch is made of solid steel and bent like that when it hit the post you see in the picture.

This picture makes me feel cold because had the catch been retracted as in this picture on the night of the accident there would have been nothing stopping it from swinging past the post and the next thing after the post was my head.


This final picture is of my ear. As you can see there is still a bit of bruising but the cut is healing ok.

I’m still not sure whether I was kicked or got stood on, I just remember rolling on to my side intent on getting to my feet when I felt a heavy blow to the side of my head but I don’t know how that would cause this sort of injury so I’m thinking maybe it stood on my head. Anyway thankfully I’m okay and recovering well. I also hope this helps some of you understand what happened better and see that I’m not faking it. Tonight was the first time I’d been in the shed since that night and I must say it made me feel quite uncomfortable. I’ve heard nothing of Luke either since that night which is a bit upsetting as he knew how bad I was hurt. Nicole doesn’t want me to go there again and I probably won’t as I don’t want her worrying, I shall miss driving the tractors though.

I would like to finish off by thinking everyone who wished me a speedy recovery, it really did lift my spirits to read your wonderful comments, and don't worry Cathy the virtual hug was quite ok and much appreciated.

Back From Our Trip.

If anyone ever reads this I'm sure you will be pleased to know we got back from our trip okay although how long things are going to remain okay is a bit up in the air as we suddenly realised on the way up there that we made a potentionaly big mistake which I will tell you about tomorrow. Now though I'm pretty tired and need to go to bed as I am fit enough for work tomorrow.

The Proposal.

Thank you anyone who wished me a speedy recovery, you will be pleased to know that I am improving all the time and hardly hurt at all anymore. Tonight I’m going to tell you about the situation between Nicole and the Evil Dark Lord, in particular the events of last weekend.

It seems that Lord A is being very childish and refuses to speak to her about anything. He arrived at the hall last Friday and arranged a meeting through his sidekick Tony for a meeting over Sunday lunch which Tony prepared. Nicole assumed the meeting was to be between her and Lord A but when she came down to lunch he had invited his parents and to top it off included Tony at the table too so poor Nicole was well out numbered. Thinking of this makes me really angry inside even today. The next thing took everyone by surprise when he not only announced his desire to separate from Nicole preferring instead the company of Tony. I can’t tell you the exact words as I wasn’t there but from what Nicole has told me he said that due to his wife’s soul interest being that of her own interests and well being they have decided to part company, she to be replaced by Tony who has been more dedicated to both him and the estate in the short time he’s been his companion than his so called wife ever has. Apparently he stopped short of saying they were lovers and no one brought that up. Nicole told me that she got up from the table to leave the room saying that she wasn’t going to stay there and listen to that crap. She can be quite blunt at times. The old man stopped her leaving saying that running away wasn’t going to solve anything. I always thought he was a bit surly but it seems he did stick up for Nicole a little. Lord A asked his father what was the matter with the stupid woman, she doesn’t want me, she won’t fulfil her duties as a wife, she does nothing all day but laze around and spend my money, I’m giving her the chance to bugger off and start a new life so what’s she griping about? This was directed at his father but was a question for Nicole but he wasn’t speaking to her. Nicole didn’t wait for the father to repeat the question and told him directly that whatever he wanted to think they are still married and she would still be a dutiful wife if he wasn’t forcing her to play second fiddle to him [meaning Tony]. She went on to tell him that she can’t wait to go but after all he’s put her through she isn’t leaving with nothing. He can make her a proper offer or she would go for everything she was entitled too. The old man got in a sweat hearing that thinking he was going to lose half his estate or something because he backed her up straight away saying that of course she wouldn’t be expected to leave without some means of supporting herself. They had known her since she was born and known her family even before that so they weren’t about to do her down. Lord A apparently wasn’t listening when the part about supporting herself was mentioned because she suggested she could be allowed the Keepers Cottage in the village as it was already empty. Nicole asked him how she was supposed to support herself with that place and pointed out that Grange Farm was also coming empty and was prepared to wait. She said non of them liked that idea at all but she pointed out that if she goes through her solicitor they will find that she will be entitled to more than what that’s worth so she wasn’t going to settle for anything less. I have never seen Grange Farm and Nicole is no farmer but she said she was thinking on her feet so as not to get palmed off with something she didn’t want. She knew the place and likes it and its coming empty at the end of May. I told her they couldn’t just decided there and then what she had to have but I can see how she was fixed being on her own and all. Again the old man seemed to add some common sense to the proceedings and said that everyone needed to think about things. She again warned them that if it wasn’t to be Grange Farm it had to be something of its equal or she would take her demands to her solicitor to sort out. Also she wasn’t leaving the hall until everything was in writing. The old man assured her they would talk about it and sort something out as soon as possible. So that was it really for last Sunday apart from her being told that she had no further say in running the house or estate and for the time remaining of her stay there she had to use the cooks quarters which is a self contained flat in the top of the house. They don’t employ a full time cook anymore so the flat has been empty for some years and she says it’s not very nice.

Anyway when Nicole came over to see me this afternoon she had some news she was very excited about. The old man had been to see her this morning and said that they were prepared to offer up some property they have in Scotland. They used to have a whole shooting estate there until the old mans mother died and then they had to sell off most of it to pay off the shortfall in death duties. There is just the house and some land left there now and no one has been there for twelve years except for a caretaker who lives in and looks after the place. So anyway first thing in the morning we are going to catch a train up there to take a look at it. I can’t tell you how excited I am, another weekend away with my beautiful lady although I don’t think it will be the same as the last weekend but who cares as long as we are together it will be perfect I know it. I’m also excited for her because I can tell she is excited about it. I’ve never been to Scotland either so that will be cool as well. I know I shouldn’t but I can’t help dreaming that one day it may be our home – this is all so awesome I can’t believe it.

The Accident.

Today I am off work again although I feel little better than yesterday. I will tell you about my accident now.

It happened last Tuesday evening after returning from work. Luke (the farmer) knocked on the door and asked if I could help him for a minute as he was having trouble tagging a steer in the shed so mum said I could go even though dinner was ready, it should have only taken ten minutes.

The farmer has a big new shed up at the back of our old ones where he over winters the cattle and it was in there that we had to corner the steer. The trouble is the shed isn’t finished off properly so the lighting is terrible but he needed to get the steer tagged before the morning because he was having some kind of ministry inspection so we got this steer trapped behind the gate at the end of the building and I was about to put the tag in the ear when I don’t know what happened. I felt the gate moving the steer started to move around and I just knew I had to get away from the gate before it did a 180 and trapped me between it and the other door so I ran for it hoping it would either stop swinging or I got out of the way before it caught up with me. Unfortunately there is a strip along the front of the pens that is kept clear of bedding as this is where the cattle feed and the second my feet hit the concrete they just shot straight from under me and I slid on my back right under the feet of the rest of the cattle in the pen, there would be nine of them as there are ten to a pen. I was probably shaken from hitting the concrete but that was the least of my worries as I was laid on my back with cattle panicking all around me, I remember thinking that this is how its going to end for me. They say your whole life flashes before you at such times but I just thought of how upset Nicole would be and then I thought I had to get on my feet as soon as possible so I went to raised my self out of all the shit and that was when I took an almighty crack to the left side of my head. I have no idea what happened, whether it stood on my head or kicked it but it felt like hell. I don’t even remember getting out of the pen or how I did, I just remember kneeling on the concrete amongst the cattle feed holding my head. I couldn’t let go of my ear as it hurt so much. It felt sticky but I couldn’t tell why, whether is was shit blood or even brains. Then I thought of Luke and looked for him thinking he was probably trampled too but I couldn’t see him until I managed to get to my feet and then I saw him sitting in the straw in the back of the pen. I couldn’t understand why he was just sitting there like he was having a picnic or something, it was all really weird and unreal, I even wondered is I was alive or dreaming or something. Now it seems strange that I just climbed back through the barriers again considering how my head was feeling and what just happened but I never even thought about it, all I wanted to do was see why he was sitting there instead of coming to help me. I never thought he was sitting there because he himself was hurt, that was perhaps because he looked comfy in all the straw and he was sitting as though he was relaxing but in fact he was in as much pain as me. As the gate swung round it had trapped his leg against the post or something like that. I wasn’t really thinking straight but I sort of knew he couldn’t sit there so I helped him up best I could, I think I must have finally let go of my ear by now because I remember seeing blood dripping all over him as I bent over to help him up. When we got back out of the pen I asked him where the taggers were, I think I had some idea that we still had to tag the steer. I knew I’d had them, I also had a torch but that was gone too. He just said, ‘bugger the taggers and bugger the ministry, I’m going home’. That sounded good to me as I needed to get cleaned up. I kept on wiping the blood away and every time I did my hand had as much crap on it as blood.

Of course the minute I got inside mum started freaking out. She always wants to rush me off to hospital with just a cut finger. Couldn’t she see I needed to clean up and lie down a while. I ignored her and went upstairs to the bathroom. When I looked in the mirror I got a right shock, I was covered in blood from my left ear down my neck and all down the front of my top. I panicked a bit because it looked like it was all coming from inside my ear and I’ve seen movies where people who bleed from their ears have cracked skulls and such like. It certainly felt cracked and I could hardly open my mouth now as the whole side of my face was stiff and swollen. Mum was battering on the door demanding I come out so I did and admitted I needed to go to hospital.

The drive to hospital was horrendous, I felt every bump in the road. I didn’t know at the time but mum had thrown in some pyjamas because she thought I would be staying there but after cleaning me up and testing everything it turned out not so bad, I just had concussion and my ear was hanging off a bit so they glued it back on and sent me home and said I had to take it easy and if there was any problems to go to the doctors straight away.

I couldn’t move the next morning when I woke up. I got up at seven as usual intending to go to work, I couldn’t move my head though and I was all dizzy and couldn’t even tell if I was falling over or standing upright which was weird. Mum and dad made me get back in bed as there was no way I could stay on my bike anyway. She called the surgery because she was worried about my balance but they said it was because of the damage to my ear. The whole area was bruised and swollen, my neck and shoulder were stiff and hurt more than right after the accident.
As you know I did do some writing but I was whacked afterwards. I asked mum to call Nicole and tell her what happened as she would know I was missing from work. Nicole doesn’t like me calling in case someone else happens to pick her phone up so it was better if mum called her. It was really nice because she came over in the afternoon and sat with me and mum, I felt better just having her there and she was fussing over me all the time which was sweet. So was mum of course and that is always sweet so I was really spoilt and almost made up for nearly dying.

In the next post I will tell you what happened between Nicole and Lord A last sunday, sorry its taking me a while to get around to everything. I always thought I led a boring life until I started to write about it.

The Introduction.

Sorry I didn’t write this yesterday as promised but I had an accident last night that came so close to being my last that its scary but I will tell you more about that some other time perhaps. Now to continue where I left off the other night.

I was outside waiting for Nicole long before she arrived but I didn’t want her to arrive early and find no one there as I know how scary this must be for her and it was the same reason I held her hand all the way in to the house when she did arrive. As she got out of the car I gave her a little kiss and told her how beautiful she looked and that she made me feel so proud. I was sure we where being watched from the house as who doesn’t like a sneak preview but I didn’t care.

In the living room when we entered were mum and dad and my sister and he boy friend, who soon left, I watched their faces for signs of what they were thinking but all I saw were smiles which was great. Dad did look at me and raise his eyebrows after all the introductions had taken place. It was obvious from his look that he at least approved of her. I’ve since learned that they realised that she was older than me but at the time of the introductions didn’t realise how much older so it was good that they got to know her a little before I told them her age. We waited until after dinner when there was just mum and dad there to break the real show stopper to them which was that she is my former boss and hopefully soon to be the ex-wife of Lord A of XXXXX. Dad seemed to take it in his stride although the smile on his face was not so big anymore, mum was a bit more concerned though, mostly for me I think because she asked all the things I asked myself right at the beginning like her reasons for getting involved with someone younger, who was below her usually standards both educationally and financially.

‘To be honest Mrs Wilson Jake may not have been to the same schools as some of the men I’ve had dealings with in the past but never the less I find him to a smart intelligent young man in all the ways that matter most to me, as for money we will enjoy whatever each of us can provide and without meaning to boast I have ample provisions for both of us as neither of us relish an extravagant lifestyle as long as we have each other. As for Jake being younger than I, let me tell you he is far more grown up and mature than my present husband despite his age. I can understand your concerns but please Mrs Wilson you mustn’t worry, I think of Jacob from the minute I wake until when I go to sleep and would rather hurt myself than hurt him’.

During the last bit she reached out and took mum’s hand and I felt a lump coming in my throat it was so awesome what she said. It certainly took the wind out of mums sails because except for a few more little things like for instance was everything over with Lord A or might she somehow be tempted back to him. Nicole assured her that everything had been over between them years ago but it was only now that she was able to admit to it. These were the only times all night that she mentioned Lord A, she never said anything bad about anyone or put anyone down to bolster her case, she won everyone over just by being herself, she is the most amazing person I ever met.

The time passed way to quick as is always the case when Nicole is around. Like a proper gentleman I escorted her back to her car, not because I’m a gentleman or anything, I just wanted a quick kiss! This time out of sight of any prying eyes there might have been as it was not the sort of kiss I wish to share with my parents if you know what I mean. When we finished I whispered in her ear, ‘I really want to fuck you, you make me feel so special’.

I said this to make her feel wanted more than any thought that it might actually happen.

‘I want you too darling, it will have to be quick though’.

Whilst there was some doubting the timing and location there was no doubting her seriousness as she was already at the front of my jeans. As anyone of you know who’ve read my earlier posts I come in to my own when it comes to serving my lady a portion quick and hot. The way I treated her in the next few minutes was no way to treat a lady but thankfully for me being treated as a lady was not what she was asking for. It felt so thrilling doing it there and then, we were like animals or something and all the time she was doing that sexy talking stuff she does in that so refined voice of hers telling me to fuck her like a dirty farm bitch! I have to smile when I think about it now as I have no idea what a dirty farm bitch is but whatever it is her words had the desired effect on me, helping me to serve her up what felt to be an extra large portion with her back to the rough stone wall to which she seemed ever so grateful. I must try and get you a picture of her sometime following such an event because she has this certain wild look about her that I can’t explain. I made her promise to let me know that she got home safely and after checking out my clothing I went in to see mum and dad. If I was ever going to cop a rocket for anything concerning my affections for Nicole this was to be the time, I wasn’t a bit worried though as I knew they loved her so it came as a bit of a shock when I sat down in the sitting room and asked them what they thought of her.

Dad was the one to reply with the most serious expression I saw on his face all night, ‘How do you expect us to feel when you bring home another mans wife who is old enough to be your mother’?

I was just about to argue the point that she was hardly old enough to be my mother when his face cracked in to a smile once again before continuing,

‘who is very pretty, well educated, polite, thoughtful and loves you almost as much as me and your mother’.

‘Oh yes, and not to mention loaded’.

Dad never usually says much, its mum that does the talking for everyone but tonight it was the other way round he wouldn’t shut up.

‘If you don’t look after her you want your head looking at son’. And then it was quiet!

But now all I could think to say was, ‘how do you know she is loaded’? I know this sounds a bit of a dumb question but I’ve sort of got used to her being like ordinary and not at all how you imagine someone with money to be so I never really think of her being wealthy anymore.

Mum answered the question, ‘you don’t talk like she does unless you have money behind you’.

She then went on, ‘you know that whatever the outcome between you two there are going to be some rough times in front of you, people like Lord A can be spiteful and unforgiving people’.

She then went on about all the crap that’s going to happen and although I don’t know for sure what happens in these situations I know there is plenty of worry to come before we can be free to love as and when we want. Another thing that bothers me is when it is all finally over will it still feel the same. I keep thinking about the thrill of the chase, will above board everyday life make us become just normal. I hope not. I hate the scary bits and the sneaking round and some of the stuff we have now but I think sometimes it helps to make the times we are together more intense.

I sat with them talking until my phone went and on answering it Nicole asked what they said, meaning my parents. I told her everything was fine and that they loved her. I knew they did, dad didn’t even smile this much when he got his new digger and although mum was pretty quiet I know that’s only because she is worried for me, I know she likes Nicole as I think they spent more time talking with each other than they did me tonight. Mum will come round once she sees Nicole is looking out for me.

I told her I loved her, which felt a bit weird in front of mum and dad but who cares. I also said to ring me tomorrow sometime and then I went to bed feeling very happy. Little did I know what an awful night the next one would prove to be but more about that in my next post.

A Little Bald Guy.

Today has been such a drag I can’t stand to think it will always be like this from now on.

I was filling the log boxes as usual when this Tony guy came and told me I had to hang around when finished. He is a little bald foreign guy, his approach was pleasant enough but really I wasn’t in the mood to be nice to anyone so I just did as he asked. His lordship came in to the hall where me and all the house staff were waiting and he announced that he and Lady Alex are to be separated. Of course this was no surprise to me but the others let forth a few exclamations of regret. He himself admitted to it being regrettable but sometimes we have to move on. The thing he wanted to get across to us was that from now on we were not to involve Lady Alex in anything to do with the house or estate as it was no longer any concern of hers and in future he would be in residence on a more full time basis and when he was away we have to consult with Tony who is taking overall charge of the house and gardens. He made no mention of the fact that he was the cause of all the problems which I didn’t expect he would. He did say that we are allowed to converse with Lady Alex and that we should remain courteous to her but we needed to remember who paid our wages meaning that anything to do with the estate and house was regarded as private. I think he meant that we could talk to her about things other than the estate and house. He then said that no doubt we would want to talk over what he just said to us and gave us ten minutes to do so. They were all saying that Lady Alex was never any good and that it needed someone with more go in them and more down to earth. I couldn’t be bothered and left after a couple of minutes. How they could say it needed someone more down to earth I don’t know as you can’t get a lady who is more willing to get down to earth than Nicole.

I didn’t see anything of her all day but she was in because I kept on checking to see if her car was there. The only time I saw it missing was when I was leaving work tonight and I discovered that was because she was waiting at the picnic site which is on my way home. I was so thrilled to see her I just got her and gave her the biggest hug and kiss ever. She looked really terrible and had obviously been crying which upset me so much that I refused to let her go until she promised to come home with me. I couldn’t stand to think of her alone in that house with them lot. She argued that we couldn’t spring such a surprise on my poor mother at short notice. I let her talk her excuses because I was drinking in the feel of her against me and the scent of her in my nostrils. I just get so depressed and down in the dumps when I’m not with her for even a short time that when we meet again it’s the most massive relief imaginable. I didn’t say a word but just got out my phone, which thankfully had a signal and even though she was protesting and trying to take the phone from me I called mum and asked her if it was okay for Nicole to come and meet everyone and have dinner. I held the phone so Nicole could hear the reply and mum was asking how soon? I told her now and she started saying how the place was a mess. I didn’t want her saying too much about that sort of stuff so I just said, ‘look mum, you’ve been wanting to meet her this is it, do you want her to come or not’?

‘Yes of course, I just don’t want to embarrass you or anything’.

I told her we would be there shortly but when I put the phone down Nicole insisted that she allows my mum more time to prepare and said she would return home and tidy herself up before driving over to my house. I was happy with that as long as she promised not to get cold feet which she did promise.

‘After the weekend I just endured meeting your family is going to be no problem and besides I have to tell you what has been happening’.

‘Please tell me that you aren’t clearing off or anything like that’ I said suddenly coming over all worried again at the thought of what she had to tell me.

‘No of course not silly, you’re the only thing that makes life bearable right now, beside I wouldn’t be bothered about meeting your family if I didn’t plan on getting to know them would I’.

I’m not sure what I’m doing to make life bearable as I’ve been thinking all day that if I never had this notion of making her mine she would have had the baby and lived a life of luxury. The last bit about meeting my family made sense though and I was comforted by that.

She smiled, gave me a big hug and a kiss and said, ‘See what you did to me Jacob, just five minutes and you put the smile back on my face, how could I give up a guy who does that for me’?

‘You take care on that bike and I will see you at six thirty, be sure to meet me though as I want you with me when they start pelting me with rotten cabbages’ she said jokingly.

Well its too late now for me to tell you the rest so it will have to wait for tomorrow night.

Changes.

This morning I feel terrible. I hardly slept a wink, I’m sick with worry for the future and feel so bad for Nicole and inadequate because I wasn’t there for her when she needed me the most.

I got a quick call from her last night, she didn’t give many details but it seems that yesterday the whole family got together the out come being that she no longer has any dealings with the running of the estate and has to move out of the house. It seems that today when I get to work I will have a new boss, there will be no more visits to the potting shed so work will be just that from now on. We’re going to meet after work so I should be able to tell you more about things later.
I never imagined when I first had desires for her that winning her heart wasn’t even the start, it seems like there will never be a time when we can be free of worry for the future. I need to tell her how much I love her this morning but I can’t talk, call, text or even mail her, I have to wait for her call to me.

Past Things.

With me not being able to post so often I’ve got behind with a few things that have been happening one of which being that I had to own up to my parents about Nicole. When I say own up I don’t mean I told the whole truth and nothing but the truth but more like the sort of truth and as little as I have been able to get away with.

It all kicked off the night when I announced at the dinner table that I was going to be going away with friends for the weekend. Of course mum being psychic immediately asked what her name was and I could see on here face that she wasn’t playing mind games and she knew what was going on so there was no point in lying so I told her it was Nicole. She then went on about how it would have been nice to meet her before I went off on weekends with her to goodness knows where. She asked what her defects were and I looked at her because I wasn’t sure what she was asking but mum can be real sarcastic sometimes and went on to point out that there must be something wrong with her for me to keep her hidden away as boys are usually proud of their conquests. I said there was nothing wrong with her and then dad who hadn’t said a word asked if it was us I was ashamed of then? I told them it was nothing like that and that’s she was just a bit shy that was all. There wasn’t a lot more said then but ever since I’ve been under pressure to bring her home for tea sometime also they keep on asking stuff about her which is difficult to answer as I don’t feel able to say the truth and its even more difficult with what Nicole is having to put up with from Lord A because her mind is on that all the time and can’t get in to anything else like meeting my parents.

Up until Friday she hasn’t shown much concern for what his lordships actions may be but on Friday when she was with me she broke down.

‘I’m so worried what will become of me’ she said as I held her tightly to me.

I tried to assure her that I would look after her and she knew I would but went on to say that the trouble is she has always relied on someone else to look after her and so didn’t have any means to stand on her own feet apart from family money and that’s how she is in this mess. That’s why its always easier to give in than branch out. In the end we agreed that we would look after each and help one another to branch out, we would think of something to do together and then we would grow together in our own rights in away that one of us wasn’t owing to the other all the time. It was Nicole who said that is what she wants and I am quite happy with that, I think its good that she wants to work at something together and not just spend the day shopping and dinning out because if that were the case I couldn’t be part of that, it would have to come out of her money and be something she did on her own without me.

So at the moment we are waiting to see what happens this weekend. His lordship was due up on Friday night. He kept us on tender hooks for two days and then the woman from the office phones Nicole to say he was coming to stay the weekend – he didn’t even call Nicole to tell her so that’s not sounding very good is it. She said she will try and let me know what is happening if she can but so far I’ve heard nothing which is very draining.

Ravaged To Death.

I’m sorry for such a long absence, I bet you all thought I got ravaged to death by her ladyship really though its nothing to worry about.

The weekend away with her was awesome, the best time in my whole life so far. I won’t go in to the details other than to say that I discovered Nicole is a very demanding woman which is fine by me as I like such challenges.

There was one incident that put a bit of a damper on things and that happened when we got up on Saturday afternoon. She had her phone turned off all the time since we got there but as we were leaving for a walk around the village she turned it on to discover seventeen missed calls and numerous messages from his lordship. She said she had better call him as he wouldn’t leave off phoning so she called him back and put the phone on loudspeaker so I could hear and it was quite alarming to hear him. The first thing he said was, ‘Where the devil are you woman’? She explained that she was away for the weekend and he then asked why she didn’t attend the appointment with the consultant or whatever it was she was supposed to go to the other week. She told him straight that she had said several times that she had no intention of visiting anyone or having his child just because he said so.

He then said, ‘You stupid woman I think you will find that being my wife you’re obliged to provide me with suitable offspring'.

She told me later that by suitable he meant a son. I’m quite a placid sort of person but when I heard him say that to her I felt real anger build up inside me. Before she got to reply he then said,

‘You do realise what an absolute disappointment you are not only to my family but your own family and the estate’.

Then she said something that I thought was so awesome and proves what a smart lady she is, which was,

‘Perhaps if you were a man you would be able to tell your family the truth which I’m sure would leave them far more disappointed in you than I’.

Everything went quiet for a short while, she obviously struck a nerve. He then said,

‘Well darling if you’re going to be so pathetic about things I am going to be forced to evaluate you roll in things around here as its obvious from this conversation that you have no thought for the estate, its staff or the future of either, you’re a very selfish person who’s only thought in life is to take everything she can for herself and give nothing back in return. I’m going to make one more appointment for you and if you fail to keep it there will be no more giving on my part’,

And with that he put the phone down. So as you can imagine it was not a nice situation and from what Nicole says this sort of thing is going on all the time in private. It amazes me how he never seems to think about the causes of it all. I want to tell everyone what he’s doing with that Tony but Nicole said I mustn’t say a word about anything, which is really hard after what I heard that day. Anyway the new appointment is for Wednesday and she isn’t going so goodness knows what will happen. All I know is that I will stand by my beautiful lady and hold and comfort her.

When I got back from the weekend away the sheep had started lambing so I all my time away from work has been spent at the farm looking after them. They aren’t our sheep but belong to the farmer who I help when he’s busy. The place we live used to be a farm but the guy who had it before us sold up after the foot and mouth. He sold the land to the neighbour and we bought the house and buildings, dad has the idea of turning them in to cottages one day but knowing dad it will be some day never. Anyway its this neighbour guy who I have been helping all last week, I only got two hours sleep one night because there was trouble and we have to get the vet out at three in the morning and he did an operation there and then in the barn so I was pretty tired the next day but Nicole was such a sweetie and made me take it easy.
I took a few pictures while away and also of the sheep and lambs so I guess you would rather see the cute stuff first. The lamb in the picture is one I had to help as it had a leg back. Don’t confuse it with the one from the operation, I never took any pics of that.

A Real Woman Is Different.

Today was the day of the appointment at the clinic in London for Nicole she obviously didn’t go and so far nothing unpleasant has come to pass, neither of us have been stuck down. After a conversation we had during dinner on Sunday where I said I would help if I could do anything rather than her having to give in to his lordships wishes she assured me that she had no intention of having his baby and all she ever wanted from me to was stand by her and that I need not worry myself with it all as it was their problem and she would sort it. Apparently she was on the phone to him the other night and he was having a go at her with his threats and bribes and she just told him he was free to find some other mug anytime he wanted if he didn’t like things the way they were. To my ears this was really great news although at the time I was in no mood for rejoicing, now things are back okay between us again I think its cool the way she hinted to him that he might be better finding someone else, she is so smart.

I had real trouble sleeping last night with the thought of the weekend filling my head. On one hand I’m scared stiff both from the thought of spending a weekend in such a posh place, I’m worried I’ll show myself up for what I am. Also I’m worried I won’t perform to expectations in the bedroom. I have all the ideas and answers in my head but my goodness the real thing is going to be something different I know it. I’ve never even seen a real woman naked before. Knowing me I will probably cum just from looking at her! I guess it wouldn’t be half as scary with a girl my own age as she would probably be as useless as me at it – but a REAL woman and a real hot sex starved aristocratic woman, lord please help me!

There was a load of logs delivered today which meant one of my jobs was to throw them all down the cellar. There is a big iron grill under which is a piece of hard board that covers the hole in to the cellar. I lifted the grill and put it against the wall and then when I lifted the board it broke in half because it was rotten and one half fell down in to the cellar so I had to retrieve it before I could throw down the logs or it would have been buried so to get down the cellar I had to go around to the back door and let myself in through the pantry as I do every morning. As I’ve said before the pantry is now used as a laundry room. It has the washer and drier and iron and all that stuff and there are linen cupboards around the walls with a big table in the middle of the room. You walk straight through the room and through the door in the opposite wall, this brings you in to a long corridor opposite to the pantry door is the door to the log cellar, to the right are more cupboards and the end of the corridor and left the corridor heads towards the kitchen. Off the corridor at various intervals are doors leading to more utility rooms, I have no idea what is in them as I only ever pass them by. I tell you all of this just so you have some idea of where the log cellar and pantry are situated sort of out on a limb.

Anyway as I walked in to the pantry I was pleased to see Nicole sorting through some washing. I know, what is she doing sorting through washing but from what I’ve learnt it isn’t below her to do a few odd jobs around the house, cooking being another example.

‘Hello Jake, what brings you here’?

I explained about the board falling down the hole and she was saying how she would get the maintenance guys to cut a new one as she didn’t want rats down the cellar. I looked down the corridor and there was no sign of anyone so I went back in to the pantry took a deep breath of her perfume and whispered in her ear, ‘I’m going to enjoy fucking your skinny little upper class ass stupid this weekend’, and kissed her cheek and turned to leave.

‘Oow! Jacob, promises promises’!

She’s taken to calling me Jacob for some reason, I don’t mind as it sounds kinda cute the way she says it unlike when my mum calls me Jacob and usually that just means trouble.

I retrieved the bit of board and managed after a few attempts to throw it back out through the hole to save me from carrying it back round.

Passing back through the pantry Nicole asked, ‘is anyone there’?

‘No can’t hear anyone, why’? I replied.

‘Why wait until the weekend’ she said with a terrible wicked look on her face before backing her ass in to me. The way she was acting I think she must have come in a bullin’ or something.

It doesn’t seem to matter what I do she always manages to turn the tables on me and make me feel like I’m drowning or being eaten alive.

I was wary after the other day of saying anything that might look like I wasn’t enthusiastic about giving her a portion.

‘We can’t, someone might come’.

‘Go on, you know you want to’, she said rubbing my rampant cock with her tight little trouser clad ass. God how I wanted too if only to stop her rubbing me like that, and she smelled so good and red hot. My hands automatically wrapped around her front, mainly to try and control her a little but they sort of ended up on her breasts which aren’t over big but are firm and awesome to hold. I could tell that she had no bra on as the nipples fairly dug in to my hands.

‘Take me over the table Jacob’ she said in an amazing dreamy voice.

I couldn’t believe what she was doing, all I could think of apart from ramming my almost bursting cock in to her as she was requesting was that Angela or someone might come. Then I thought, oh fuck it, she must know something I don’t and somehow managed to reason that was why she was in there sorting out the washing and she was right about one thing, I did want too more than anything so I reached for the front of her trousers but the instance my fingers started work on the button she caught me by surprise by spinning around and pulling free. I thought someone was there at first until she said, ‘Jacob, you really would wouldn’t you, wow, you are such naughty boy sometimes’!

I looked at her in bewilderment but knew instantly that she had been toying with me. I called her a bitch, just in fun like, I was sort of relieved in a way.

She went out in to the passage and then came back, pushed me against on of the cupboards and stuck her cool hand down the front of my trousers all in one fluid movement. What followed next would have any experienced milkmaid green with envy.

‘Goodness me, do you always cum so much’ she asked as she looked for something to wipe quite a considerable amount of my admiration for her from her right hand. I don’t know what she was complaining about as she left most of it inside my underpants which proved to be quite a discomfort for sometime afterwards despite a visit to the toilet after leaving the pantry.

Getting The Feeling Back

I woke at 7:20 and due to the excitement I wasn’t able to lay around as I would normally do on a Sunday morning so I got up and took the dogs out and prepared myself for our first proper date. I was waiting at the top of the yard for eleven as arranged. I didn’t hide where I was going or who with from my parents but I did sort of make out it was something the lord and lady did for the house staff and from that they just assumed that it wasn’t just me and Nicole. She arrived on time and was in her own car so drove while I showed her the way to where I had the meal booked. She looked even more beautiful than ever and even wore make-up but best of all she was wearing a skirt. Today was the first time I’ve seen her bare legs, when I say bare, she was wearing tights or stockings but my goodness she has awesome legs. I can never decided what part of her I like the most at the best of times and now I have another attribute to choose from.

I decided to wait until after the meal to give her the present I bought for her so after the waitress served the coffee I fetched out the gift wrapped box and presented it to her. I could tell she was shocked that I bought her something and I also saw delight spread across her face as she saw the Blue John pendant on a silver chain. I told her the reason for me choosing to give her Blue John was because there is only one place in the whole world that it can be found and it’s the same place where I come from and also like her its beautiful and unique. She asked me to put it on for her which felt a bit strange because up until today we had not really been so up close and personal in public, today though it didn’t matter as we were far enough away for it to be very unlikely that anyone would know either of us although that sort of thing can never be taken for granted.

So everything went great until on the way home when quite unexpected she pulled the car in to this picnic site just off the road. Now I know you’re all going to think me really stupid now but for some reason I sort of got this notion from the way she was acting that this was going to be my big day and I just didn’t want it to happen in the back of a car. When I did it with her I wanted it to be right and satisfactory of both of us. So as soon as I felt her hand on my thigh I just said ‘couldn’t we save it for somewhere better than this’. Well she pulled away from me and looked at me with not a very nice look at all and said, ‘Huh! Where have I heard that one before’.

I took it that she was referring to her husband so I said that it wasn’t anything like that and tried to explain but I don’t think she wanted to hear because she just said, ‘its alright Jake, stop squirming’. That was it really, we hardly spoke all the way home because every time I said something she just snapped at me.

So tonight I’m not feeling so good. I didn’t want to upset her and if I knew she would react like this I would have just done it but I wanted it to be right for our first time. I know I’m a stupid dumb ass, I should just have give her one like any normal guy would whether it turned out right or not.

The above was written on Sunday evening after I returned. During my cold light of day moment on Monday morning it came to me that she was being unreasonable and really for the first time ever I saw her in a different light and it sickened me. I didn’t want to see her this way, I wanted to always see her the way I’d seen her up until yesterday. Thankfully we’ve given up with the meeting during filling the log boxes so as not to let a stray glance get picked up by anyone else so now she comes and finds me in the garden. She came to see me on the Monday but it wasn’t the same, the spark had gone, she was trying to be like normal but I had this sick empty feeling inside me. I didn’t want to be like this with her and I definitely wasn’t trying to punish her or anything but there was just nothing there anymore and I didn’t know why. I think I felt like she didn’t want to understand why I did what I did. I did notice that she was wearing the pendant which was something I guess. So all day I felt like crap and all day Tuesday too, I even went and got out of the way when it was time for her to visit just so I didn’t have to face her but then I felt even worse so today I waited in the potting shed although I wasn’t even sure if she would bother to come after yesterday. Anyway she did arrive at the usual time and said she was glad to see I hadn’t disappeared today then handed me a big envelope. I was wondering if it was my papers and she was going to tell me to leave and then she asked if wasn’t I going to open it then. On doing as she said I discovered it was confirmation for a weekend break for two at a very posh looking hotel. I didn’t know what to think and looked at her for the answer to all the questions flooding my head.

‘The back seat of a car isn’t good enough for you so maybe that is’ she said.

‘For me and you’ is all I could think to say.

She smiled like she used to and replied, ‘yes, unless you prefer to take his lordship instead’!

‘No course not’, I quickly said as I tried to think what I could tell mum. I was scared stiff and still am when I think about it but I’m going come what may.

She held out her arms and said, ‘come here you big wally’.

She gave me a big hug and said she was sorry.

‘I keep forgetting you’re still a boy. You make all those fancy speeches of yours and its like you’re same as all the other guys, I forget you have a tender heart. What you did was really sweet you know’.

I told her I just wanted it to be good for our first time. Anyway she has promised to look after me better in future and I feel better now and I’ve got some of the feeling back thankfully.

No Regrets

Hello everyone, I hope your weekend was as good as mine. I had planned on telling you all about mine but I have to confess to doing something so rash as to render myself too embarrassed to utter a word of it to anyone at the moment.

Saturday went as planned in that I went over to see my gran and whilst there bought a present for my lady, which I’m pleased to say she is most thrilled about. My gran lives near to where I call home even though we have lived where we do now longer than I remember living in Castleton but for some reason it feels more like home than here.

Yesterday was really good, we both enjoyed our meal and the time we spent together, I just wish I could tell you the whole of it but even though I wrote it all out last night when it was fresh in my mind and I wanted to tell everyone now for some reason I can’t even bring myself to read what I wrote. It sort of makes me feel sick and ashamed because its like I have regrets but really I don’t, I couldn’t even get enthusiastic about seeing Nicole today because of this feeling I have. Well I can’t sit here all night searching for reasons of explanation, I just hope it passes in my sleep and tomorrow I can resume, if not… I don’t know.

Touching

Over the past few weeks the emphasis in my life has gone from warrior to romantic lover back to warrior, both are new to me and had to be learnt along the way, although both have been feelings rather than lessons, the former was never really put to the test before as I thought it would be but today there is a new challenge. I feel I accomplished the romantic lover bit quite well. After what Nicole said the other day about leaving her for a younger model one day I feel it important to reassure her that she is everything I want in a woman so today I did something that I have been working on in my mind for a few days. I’m still quite overcome with disbelief that she is a real girlfriend with whom I’m allowed to express feelings of the heart so when I saw her approaching the potting shed for our daily get together I had to bite the bullet and do a count down from ten to push me on.

She was as beautiful as ever, and immediately set the trouser department all of a tingle and my heart racing, this effect she has on me has not altered one bit, I’m sure one day it will but there is no sign of that yet. Once in the potting shed I told her with great authority to stand still. She went to enquire why but I said to be quiet and listen. I went behind her and took her hair which was lose this day in my hands and held it to my face to feel the soft silky feeling that only my lady’s hair has. She asked what she was supposed to be listening to?

‘My heart, can you hear how you make it beat so loud and fast’? I said and then urged her to be still.

With the lightest of touches I ran the back of my finger slowly up and down the back of her neck. I know she likes this as she had me do it to her last week. I felt a shudder run through her body. Having taken in the feel and smell of her hair I let my right hand run down her back to the curves of her bottom. I closed my eyes and felt its form as if I were a blind man trying to determine what was to hand. There was no squeezing or anything so brutal, everything was done with the lightest of touch just for the pure sensation of touching. Slowly I moved round to her front and took delight from the look on her face as I opened my eyes. I didn’t want to speak for fear of encouraging her to do likewise but I risked this to tell her that if I opened my eyes for the first time ever and saw what I was looking at right now everything else in life would be a disappointment to me.

‘Oh God Jake’, was thankfully all she said as my fingers now explored the front as they had done her back. She offered no resistance as my fingers explored her lower body while my mouth and tongue explored her lips. Again this was done with the lightest of touches and was also something she taught me just the other day. You sort of kiss her lips and if she goes to kiss you back or anything you move back and you keep on doing this teasing thing until she can’t stand it. She went to lift her arms, I think probably to embrace me or stop me from pulling away but I was ready and caught her before she caught me. I reached for the computer magazine that I had been reading during my lunch break. I opened it at a random page and passed it to her and told her to read something from it. She looked at me enquiringly but did as I asked and I listened to her every breath as she read out a few sentences in her so sexy refined voice. She could make me orgasm whilst she was reading a tax return with that voice.

I stopped her and told her to roll up the magazine and hit me on the head with it.

‘Not too hard mind’.

She laughed and asked why?

‘Well because I’ve just smelled you with my nose, touched you with my hands, tasted you with my lips and heard you with my ears and you have stimulated everyone of my senses beyond belief so I need you to hit me on the head so that I know it’s not a dream and I really do have the most beautiful sexy woman in the world as my girlfriend’.

I thought all that up this morning in bed and fine tuned it throughout the morning, I think I may have over done it a little bit as I saw her eyes filling up before she gave me the biggest hug ever she nearly put my neck out.

I told her as she hugged me, ‘I will never leave you’.

I discovered something else today, it’s fun to make a girl cry, I love being able to say stuff like that to her and mean it and I love wiping away the tears afterwards and you sort of know that even though she is crying you just made her so happy and for me that’s the best thing ever – knowing she is happy and contented. I also thought this was a good time to ask her if she would let me take her out to dinner on Sunday.

‘Oh Jake, I love it so much when you’re like this, that would be really nice’.

She gave me another big hug and an even bigger kiss and it didn’t go unnoticed with her that something had cum between us. I know I’m flippin’ useless but I can’t help it, all that touching and huggin’ and kissin’ and her hot body rubbin’ against me, but it was the tongue and what it was doing in my mouth that finished things off, I never even knew tongues could be sexy let alone make you orgasm – or is that just me? We have an advert on our TV about guys with erectile dysfunction’s (Means he can’t get hard) well I got the perfect cure for your dysfunctional erectile – and no you can’t borrow her!

She just looked at me and smiled before saying, “Honestly Jake, what are you like’.

I wasn’t upset this time because she must really know what I’m like by now and I half suspect she knows exactly how to make me like it if you know what I mean. Also she has said that she finds it flattering that I get so excited and that a good stiff cock doesn’t lie. So now if its happening I let it and I also let her know somehow that it’s happening, its good that she knows I’m pleased to see her.

Anyway this is just the start of my plans, tomorrow I’m off to buy something and on Sunday I’m taking her out to dinner, I guess that will be our first date as I don’t think B&Q or Fenwick’s really counts as a date. I’m afraid you will all have to wait until Monday to see what I bought and how the date went.

A friend asked me the other day if my lady has her own money. Well yes she does, her family own an estate in the south, she has two brothers though so she will never be able to take to the estate afer her parents pass on, that Responsibility will fall to her eldest brother but she will have enough to make her independent and I can live like a lord and you lot will be all too common for me to speak to LOL! I’m just kidding. Oh yes one more thing. When I talk about Tony the way I sometimes do please don’t think I’m being disrespectful to him or other gay people, it’s the Dark Lord that I am being bitter towards.

The Evil Dark Lord.

I have to confess to feeling a little subdued at the moment which is not surprising as my mind aches with all the stuff going round and round in it.

After getting so far ahead of the evil dark lord in the quest for my lady’s heart I now find myself in serious trouble. Don’t get me wrong me and Nicole are still as one but it was clear to me this morning when I looked at all the evidence that its not all going my way, or I can see that in the future it might not. I certainly need to quit being so generous with my permissions as far as her having his baby because I know if Nicole does give in to his wishes I will just be a silly mistake she once made. It’s a mothers natural instinct to do whatever it takes to look after her baby, I see it all the time with cows, sheep and anything else and I know Nicole would be the best mother ever and the last person to hand over a babe that she gave birth too no matter who it’s father is. I can also see his lordship being so thrilled that he might see her in the same light he once did, who knows maybe even to the point of giving in over his little rent boy. In one blow I had my best weapon (stealth) not only taken away from me but actually turned on me because at least if all this was out in the open about me and Nicole I could stand by her side and fight her corner to slay the evil dragon once and for all, as it is no one even knows I exist so I can’t fight my corner or anything else. All I can hope to do is influence Nicole but then I find myself torn in too again because a true knight has to put his lady’s best interests before his own even if it were to break his own heart, although I don’t think I need to worry about that because I’m sure that if she will let me I will give her a life filled with love and caring even if we are broke and destitute.

The other problem that I can’t seem to get to grips with is this idea she has that one day I will meet a girl my age and lose interest in my ‘old woman fetish’ (her words not mine). I need to make some kind of commitment to her that says I’m in it forever and pleased to be so. I’ve been thinking about asking her to come home with me and meet my parents, that would show I was committed wouldn’t it? Also it wouldn’t matter about them knowing as they would at least be on my side and not pass around our secret if we asked them not too but that’s assuming they don’t mind which they most likely will, especially at first. I can’t believe they wouldn’t grow to like Nicole though. I don’t want to cause any more problems just yet though so I doubt that will happen which takes me back to the question of how to show her my commitment to her for all time and not just for a cheap thrill.

Also on my mind is this crap going on with my sister, she is back with her boyfriend which is bad enough but every night she brings him back home for dinner. He was only supposed to be allowed back if he apologised to mum but he hasn’t said a word of apology, in fact he hasn’t spoken a word to any of us except my sister! He has got to have one brass neck to sit there eating dinner with us and not speak, its totally horrible and I rush my dinner to get away to my room. I asked dad why he didn’t tell him to clear off but he said mum is worried that Judy would go with him and the way he is she could end up like him so we have to keep quiet and hope that one day she sees him for what he is. Of course I then think to myself that I can’t really say anything about Judy because of what I’m doing myself.

So you see I have all this stuff going round in my head just when I need it to be clear to think of a plan to rescue my beautiful lady from the clutches of the evil dark lord.

Something unmentionable with the housekeeper.

As someone has asked me I will tell you about the rest of the issues regarding the lord and lady and why all this crap is going on between them. The main thing in all this is to realise that to these people breeding and pedigree are as important if not more so than the money they have because without the breeding program they would die out. As with a lot of social groups not just anyone can join the party and whilst the marriages aren’t as rigorously arranged as in some cultures there is a certain amount of guidance either by the family or by the simple fact that they all move in the same circles. In my lord and lady’s case their parents have been close friends since before they were born so whether by accident or design they ended up together. Nicole said she always though that what they had was love but now she can see that it wasn’t, or at least not as intense as she feels it now between us. Apparently for the first few years of marriage everything was fine, they travelled the world and went to a never ending string of parties and all the other stuff these people get up too but then suddenly his lordship became insistent that she fulfil her duties and provided him with an heir, preferable male. They had been performing together on a regular basis for the three years they had been married but she had been protected as they had other fish to fry up until his lordships sudden maternal urges came to the surface. Nicole didn’t realise there was an ulterior motive for his eagerness until one day she returned home from riding and discovered his lordship doing something unmentionable with the housekeeper. Now you need to keep reading this because there is an important twist later that you don’t want to miss. I would tell you now but I know you’re probably bored by all this and would bugger off before I got finished!

Right, so she came home and found him at it and she said the thing that pissed her off more than anything was that he was performing much better than he ever did with her, in fact she said they never even saw her enter the bedroom and it was only after she approached them that they realised they had been rumbled. As you can imagine this didn’t go down too well with Nicole and she says she thinks that is why he was wanting her to have his child so that once he had his heir he could ditch her for the housekeeper. You might be wondering now why he didn’t just ditch her anyway and have the child with the housekeeper but you have to remember the pedigree thing. If it was just a matter of having any old baby he could pay someone but it can’t just be anyone and I shouldn’t think there are many aristocratic lady’s willing to be bought in that way. So anyway that was that, there was much argument and hard feeling that went on for nearly two year! Imagine living with that. Of course she instantly withdrew all marital rights which caused any amount of retaliation to get her to comply even though he told her on many occasion that the housekeeper does more for him in one session than Nicole had done in the whole time they were married but despite all the mental torture she was still expected to give one last turn. In the end all the pressure caused her to have a break down and hospitalised for over six months, mainly for her own safety. Mean while throughout all of this the housekeeper was still employed by his lordship and they no longer made any attempt to hide their feelings in front of Nicole. Like me you’re probably wondering why she didn’t just tell everyone what he was up too but I’m sure you know as well as I do that many women in this world put up with untold misery and also I guess it’s like she said to me, its bad enough when a husband dumps you for another woman but when its for a man its so humiliating. Yes, you heard right, his name is Tony – well it is for the sake of this blog.

When she came out of the clinic she moved to Yorkshire and won’t return to live in London with him while he persists in having his rent boy there, apparently Tony is very house proud and keeps the place spotless! Just before Christmas time, to get him off her back she agreed to have his baby but not by normal means as she doesn’t want him touching her anymore In return for this, moving out and giving up rights to the child, he was going to sign over one of the estate properties to her to do with what she wishes also she would be given an allowance until such times that she had a means of support from someone else. I didn't think that right as she should surely get much more from a divorce but it seems that all the estate and what have you doesn't actually belong to him in person, its like a trust or something. The thing is though, now I’ve shown her what life with a real knight is like she has had second thoughts about going through with the deal. I told her if it gets him off her back for good I didn’t mind her doing it as long as it didn’t come between us but she said she couldn’t swear to that because having a baby can do stuff to a woman so now I’m not to keen on the idea either but I have no idea of an alternative. Maybe my friend who made the comment on the last post is right, if she was pregnant with my babe she couldn’t very well have his as well could she! It doesn’t seem like a very good reason for our first babe though and its rushing things way too much. I wish I could talk to mum about it because I know she would know what to do.

Nice Surprise, Bad Situation.

I hope you all had a good weekend. Mine was pretty quiet with everyone being away. On Saturday I serviced the digger for dad, he usually checks it over on a weekend and was using it as an excuse to stay home so I said that I would do it for him as mum needed a break.

Yesterday I had to re-install windows on to my computer as it developed a problem that I couldn’t work around. It took me all day and until 2 this morning to get it something like as I had to download drivers and goodness knows what else. I wasn’t at it all the time though. I had one nice break, although the circumstances weren’t so good. At just after 4 in the afternoon I got a phone call and was delighted to hear Nicole on the other end. It seems she got my number from my job application. We’d agreed last week that we wouldn’t call each other as its just another way to get discovered so when I heard her I sort of guessed something was wrong. She asked if I could talk to her on the phone for a while cos she felt so alone. I could tell by her voice she was well upset, it was like all quivering. Well of course I would have made time to talk to her. I had this thought that seen as I was alone why not ask her to come over so we could talk properly. So after asking what his lordship was doing and her saying he left for London I suggested it and she jumped at the idea. She only lives three miles away so I reckoned I had ten minutes to get things tidy, not that it was too bad. I lit the fire in the sitting room intending to take her through there as it’s a bit more up to her standards than the kitchen.

I was waiting in the yard for her when she arrived. I could see before she even stopped the car that she was in a right old state. She asked again if it was okay to be there and I assured her that I was alone and not expecting my parents and brother back until later that night. I didn’t know where my sis was but I didn’t see her all weekend so I wasn’t too bothered about her. I showed her indoors and asked if I could get her anything. She said later maybe and to just hold her for a while which I was more than pleased to do. To hold something so precious and delicate is a honour I will never tire of.

Eventually she pulled away and kissed me then said, ‘Thank you Jake, I love you so much’.

I love her too more than anything.

I was wanting to take her through to the sitting room but she seemed intent on checking out the kitchen. I apologise for it not being spick and span like her place.

‘Don’t be silly Jake, you’re a working family and this is your home, so of course its going to look lived in. It’s nice and cosy and friendly’.

Anyone who thinks that all aristocrats are up their own arses haven’t met Nicole. Admittedly a lot of them are but she seems to enjoy roughing it – thankfully.

‘Its nice to see where my jammy doorsteps are manufactured’, she said with a smile.

It was an amazing transformation. She looked like she wanted to end it all just tem minutes ago when she arrived and now she was joking and smiling.

She was even ready for a drink now so I made that while she explored some more and we then went through to the sitting room which was even more cosy now the fire was roaring up the chimney. We sat together on the sofa and she cuddled up to me and told me her woes which had me fuming that she should have been treated the way she was. I’m just glad she had the nerve to call me and I made her promise that she must do that anytime anything like that happens again.
The housekeeper doesn’t work weekends unless there is a shoot or a party so Nicole cooks for herself and his lordship if he’s there. The thing is because of what happened in London with his rent boy housekeeper Nicole won’t stay there unless she has too so she lives here and gets paid for looking after the estate in his lordships absence but every time he visits he does nothing but pick spots off what she’s done or hasn’t done to the point that she becomes demoralised by it all. Then yesterday at lunch time he tells her she’s booked in for a consultation with regard to Artificial Insemination. No one ever asked me to tell the rest of the story the other day so I guess you’re missing that bit so I hope you can pick up on what I’m saying here. I don’t know all the detail’s as she gets upset when talking about it. Anyway although she did agree to go through with it to get him off her back after leaving the clinic for depression, now we’ve become friends she’s changed her mind. Anyway when he started on yesterday she told him that she changed her mind and he went mental. He called her some really horrible things and then got up and threw his dinner in the bin – including the plate, saying she can’t even cook properly and left saying that he would be expect her to keep the appointment as agreed. So this is now all a bit of a worry for both of us.