I have to confess to feeling a little subdued at the moment which is not surprising as my mind aches with all the stuff going round and round in it.
After getting so far ahead of the evil dark lord in the quest for my lady’s heart I now find myself in serious trouble. Don’t get me wrong me and Nicole are still as one but it was clear to me this morning when I looked at all the evidence that its not all going my way, or I can see that in the future it might not. I certainly need to quit being so generous with my permissions as far as her having his baby because I know if Nicole does give in to his wishes I will just be a silly mistake she once made. It’s a mothers natural instinct to do whatever it takes to look after her baby, I see it all the time with cows, sheep and anything else and I know Nicole would be the best mother ever and the last person to hand over a babe that she gave birth too no matter who it’s father is. I can also see his lordship being so thrilled that he might see her in the same light he once did, who knows maybe even to the point of giving in over his little rent boy. In one blow I had my best weapon (stealth) not only taken away from me but actually turned on me because at least if all this was out in the open about me and Nicole I could stand by her side and fight her corner to slay the evil dragon once and for all, as it is no one even knows I exist so I can’t fight my corner or anything else. All I can hope to do is influence Nicole but then I find myself torn in too again because a true knight has to put his lady’s best interests before his own even if it were to break his own heart, although I don’t think I need to worry about that because I’m sure that if she will let me I will give her a life filled with love and caring even if we are broke and destitute.
The other problem that I can’t seem to get to grips with is this idea she has that one day I will meet a girl my age and lose interest in my ‘old woman fetish’ (her words not mine). I need to make some kind of commitment to her that says I’m in it forever and pleased to be so. I’ve been thinking about asking her to come home with me and meet my parents, that would show I was committed wouldn’t it? Also it wouldn’t matter about them knowing as they would at least be on my side and not pass around our secret if we asked them not too but that’s assuming they don’t mind which they most likely will, especially at first. I can’t believe they wouldn’t grow to like Nicole though. I don’t want to cause any more problems just yet though so I doubt that will happen which takes me back to the question of how to show her my commitment to her for all time and not just for a cheap thrill.
Also on my mind is this crap going on with my sister, she is back with her boyfriend which is bad enough but every night she brings him back home for dinner. He was only supposed to be allowed back if he apologised to mum but he hasn’t said a word of apology, in fact he hasn’t spoken a word to any of us except my sister! He has got to have one brass neck to sit there eating dinner with us and not speak, its totally horrible and I rush my dinner to get away to my room. I asked dad why he didn’t tell him to clear off but he said mum is worried that Judy would go with him and the way he is she could end up like him so we have to keep quiet and hope that one day she sees him for what he is. Of course I then think to myself that I can’t really say anything about Judy because of what I’m doing myself.
So you see I have all this stuff going round in my head just when I need it to be clear to think of a plan to rescue my beautiful lady from the clutches of the evil dark lord.
After getting so far ahead of the evil dark lord in the quest for my lady’s heart I now find myself in serious trouble. Don’t get me wrong me and Nicole are still as one but it was clear to me this morning when I looked at all the evidence that its not all going my way, or I can see that in the future it might not. I certainly need to quit being so generous with my permissions as far as her having his baby because I know if Nicole does give in to his wishes I will just be a silly mistake she once made. It’s a mothers natural instinct to do whatever it takes to look after her baby, I see it all the time with cows, sheep and anything else and I know Nicole would be the best mother ever and the last person to hand over a babe that she gave birth too no matter who it’s father is. I can also see his lordship being so thrilled that he might see her in the same light he once did, who knows maybe even to the point of giving in over his little rent boy. In one blow I had my best weapon (stealth) not only taken away from me but actually turned on me because at least if all this was out in the open about me and Nicole I could stand by her side and fight her corner to slay the evil dragon once and for all, as it is no one even knows I exist so I can’t fight my corner or anything else. All I can hope to do is influence Nicole but then I find myself torn in too again because a true knight has to put his lady’s best interests before his own even if it were to break his own heart, although I don’t think I need to worry about that because I’m sure that if she will let me I will give her a life filled with love and caring even if we are broke and destitute.
The other problem that I can’t seem to get to grips with is this idea she has that one day I will meet a girl my age and lose interest in my ‘old woman fetish’ (her words not mine). I need to make some kind of commitment to her that says I’m in it forever and pleased to be so. I’ve been thinking about asking her to come home with me and meet my parents, that would show I was committed wouldn’t it? Also it wouldn’t matter about them knowing as they would at least be on my side and not pass around our secret if we asked them not too but that’s assuming they don’t mind which they most likely will, especially at first. I can’t believe they wouldn’t grow to like Nicole though. I don’t want to cause any more problems just yet though so I doubt that will happen which takes me back to the question of how to show her my commitment to her for all time and not just for a cheap thrill.
Also on my mind is this crap going on with my sister, she is back with her boyfriend which is bad enough but every night she brings him back home for dinner. He was only supposed to be allowed back if he apologised to mum but he hasn’t said a word of apology, in fact he hasn’t spoken a word to any of us except my sister! He has got to have one brass neck to sit there eating dinner with us and not speak, its totally horrible and I rush my dinner to get away to my room. I asked dad why he didn’t tell him to clear off but he said mum is worried that Judy would go with him and the way he is she could end up like him so we have to keep quiet and hope that one day she sees him for what he is. Of course I then think to myself that I can’t really say anything about Judy because of what I’m doing myself.
So you see I have all this stuff going round in my head just when I need it to be clear to think of a plan to rescue my beautiful lady from the clutches of the evil dark lord.
No comments:
Post a Comment