Touching

Over the past few weeks the emphasis in my life has gone from warrior to romantic lover back to warrior, both are new to me and had to be learnt along the way, although both have been feelings rather than lessons, the former was never really put to the test before as I thought it would be but today there is a new challenge. I feel I accomplished the romantic lover bit quite well. After what Nicole said the other day about leaving her for a younger model one day I feel it important to reassure her that she is everything I want in a woman so today I did something that I have been working on in my mind for a few days. I’m still quite overcome with disbelief that she is a real girlfriend with whom I’m allowed to express feelings of the heart so when I saw her approaching the potting shed for our daily get together I had to bite the bullet and do a count down from ten to push me on.

She was as beautiful as ever, and immediately set the trouser department all of a tingle and my heart racing, this effect she has on me has not altered one bit, I’m sure one day it will but there is no sign of that yet. Once in the potting shed I told her with great authority to stand still. She went to enquire why but I said to be quiet and listen. I went behind her and took her hair which was lose this day in my hands and held it to my face to feel the soft silky feeling that only my lady’s hair has. She asked what she was supposed to be listening to?

‘My heart, can you hear how you make it beat so loud and fast’? I said and then urged her to be still.

With the lightest of touches I ran the back of my finger slowly up and down the back of her neck. I know she likes this as she had me do it to her last week. I felt a shudder run through her body. Having taken in the feel and smell of her hair I let my right hand run down her back to the curves of her bottom. I closed my eyes and felt its form as if I were a blind man trying to determine what was to hand. There was no squeezing or anything so brutal, everything was done with the lightest of touch just for the pure sensation of touching. Slowly I moved round to her front and took delight from the look on her face as I opened my eyes. I didn’t want to speak for fear of encouraging her to do likewise but I risked this to tell her that if I opened my eyes for the first time ever and saw what I was looking at right now everything else in life would be a disappointment to me.

‘Oh God Jake’, was thankfully all she said as my fingers now explored the front as they had done her back. She offered no resistance as my fingers explored her lower body while my mouth and tongue explored her lips. Again this was done with the lightest of touches and was also something she taught me just the other day. You sort of kiss her lips and if she goes to kiss you back or anything you move back and you keep on doing this teasing thing until she can’t stand it. She went to lift her arms, I think probably to embrace me or stop me from pulling away but I was ready and caught her before she caught me. I reached for the computer magazine that I had been reading during my lunch break. I opened it at a random page and passed it to her and told her to read something from it. She looked at me enquiringly but did as I asked and I listened to her every breath as she read out a few sentences in her so sexy refined voice. She could make me orgasm whilst she was reading a tax return with that voice.

I stopped her and told her to roll up the magazine and hit me on the head with it.

‘Not too hard mind’.

She laughed and asked why?

‘Well because I’ve just smelled you with my nose, touched you with my hands, tasted you with my lips and heard you with my ears and you have stimulated everyone of my senses beyond belief so I need you to hit me on the head so that I know it’s not a dream and I really do have the most beautiful sexy woman in the world as my girlfriend’.

I thought all that up this morning in bed and fine tuned it throughout the morning, I think I may have over done it a little bit as I saw her eyes filling up before she gave me the biggest hug ever she nearly put my neck out.

I told her as she hugged me, ‘I will never leave you’.

I discovered something else today, it’s fun to make a girl cry, I love being able to say stuff like that to her and mean it and I love wiping away the tears afterwards and you sort of know that even though she is crying you just made her so happy and for me that’s the best thing ever – knowing she is happy and contented. I also thought this was a good time to ask her if she would let me take her out to dinner on Sunday.

‘Oh Jake, I love it so much when you’re like this, that would be really nice’.

She gave me another big hug and an even bigger kiss and it didn’t go unnoticed with her that something had cum between us. I know I’m flippin’ useless but I can’t help it, all that touching and huggin’ and kissin’ and her hot body rubbin’ against me, but it was the tongue and what it was doing in my mouth that finished things off, I never even knew tongues could be sexy let alone make you orgasm – or is that just me? We have an advert on our TV about guys with erectile dysfunction’s (Means he can’t get hard) well I got the perfect cure for your dysfunctional erectile – and no you can’t borrow her!

She just looked at me and smiled before saying, “Honestly Jake, what are you like’.

I wasn’t upset this time because she must really know what I’m like by now and I half suspect she knows exactly how to make me like it if you know what I mean. Also she has said that she finds it flattering that I get so excited and that a good stiff cock doesn’t lie. So now if its happening I let it and I also let her know somehow that it’s happening, its good that she knows I’m pleased to see her.

Anyway this is just the start of my plans, tomorrow I’m off to buy something and on Sunday I’m taking her out to dinner, I guess that will be our first date as I don’t think B&Q or Fenwick’s really counts as a date. I’m afraid you will all have to wait until Monday to see what I bought and how the date went.

A friend asked me the other day if my lady has her own money. Well yes she does, her family own an estate in the south, she has two brothers though so she will never be able to take to the estate afer her parents pass on, that Responsibility will fall to her eldest brother but she will have enough to make her independent and I can live like a lord and you lot will be all too common for me to speak to LOL! I’m just kidding. Oh yes one more thing. When I talk about Tony the way I sometimes do please don’t think I’m being disrespectful to him or other gay people, it’s the Dark Lord that I am being bitter towards.

The Evil Dark Lord.

I have to confess to feeling a little subdued at the moment which is not surprising as my mind aches with all the stuff going round and round in it.

After getting so far ahead of the evil dark lord in the quest for my lady’s heart I now find myself in serious trouble. Don’t get me wrong me and Nicole are still as one but it was clear to me this morning when I looked at all the evidence that its not all going my way, or I can see that in the future it might not. I certainly need to quit being so generous with my permissions as far as her having his baby because I know if Nicole does give in to his wishes I will just be a silly mistake she once made. It’s a mothers natural instinct to do whatever it takes to look after her baby, I see it all the time with cows, sheep and anything else and I know Nicole would be the best mother ever and the last person to hand over a babe that she gave birth too no matter who it’s father is. I can also see his lordship being so thrilled that he might see her in the same light he once did, who knows maybe even to the point of giving in over his little rent boy. In one blow I had my best weapon (stealth) not only taken away from me but actually turned on me because at least if all this was out in the open about me and Nicole I could stand by her side and fight her corner to slay the evil dragon once and for all, as it is no one even knows I exist so I can’t fight my corner or anything else. All I can hope to do is influence Nicole but then I find myself torn in too again because a true knight has to put his lady’s best interests before his own even if it were to break his own heart, although I don’t think I need to worry about that because I’m sure that if she will let me I will give her a life filled with love and caring even if we are broke and destitute.

The other problem that I can’t seem to get to grips with is this idea she has that one day I will meet a girl my age and lose interest in my ‘old woman fetish’ (her words not mine). I need to make some kind of commitment to her that says I’m in it forever and pleased to be so. I’ve been thinking about asking her to come home with me and meet my parents, that would show I was committed wouldn’t it? Also it wouldn’t matter about them knowing as they would at least be on my side and not pass around our secret if we asked them not too but that’s assuming they don’t mind which they most likely will, especially at first. I can’t believe they wouldn’t grow to like Nicole though. I don’t want to cause any more problems just yet though so I doubt that will happen which takes me back to the question of how to show her my commitment to her for all time and not just for a cheap thrill.

Also on my mind is this crap going on with my sister, she is back with her boyfriend which is bad enough but every night she brings him back home for dinner. He was only supposed to be allowed back if he apologised to mum but he hasn’t said a word of apology, in fact he hasn’t spoken a word to any of us except my sister! He has got to have one brass neck to sit there eating dinner with us and not speak, its totally horrible and I rush my dinner to get away to my room. I asked dad why he didn’t tell him to clear off but he said mum is worried that Judy would go with him and the way he is she could end up like him so we have to keep quiet and hope that one day she sees him for what he is. Of course I then think to myself that I can’t really say anything about Judy because of what I’m doing myself.

So you see I have all this stuff going round in my head just when I need it to be clear to think of a plan to rescue my beautiful lady from the clutches of the evil dark lord.

Something unmentionable with the housekeeper.

As someone has asked me I will tell you about the rest of the issues regarding the lord and lady and why all this crap is going on between them. The main thing in all this is to realise that to these people breeding and pedigree are as important if not more so than the money they have because without the breeding program they would die out. As with a lot of social groups not just anyone can join the party and whilst the marriages aren’t as rigorously arranged as in some cultures there is a certain amount of guidance either by the family or by the simple fact that they all move in the same circles. In my lord and lady’s case their parents have been close friends since before they were born so whether by accident or design they ended up together. Nicole said she always though that what they had was love but now she can see that it wasn’t, or at least not as intense as she feels it now between us. Apparently for the first few years of marriage everything was fine, they travelled the world and went to a never ending string of parties and all the other stuff these people get up too but then suddenly his lordship became insistent that she fulfil her duties and provided him with an heir, preferable male. They had been performing together on a regular basis for the three years they had been married but she had been protected as they had other fish to fry up until his lordships sudden maternal urges came to the surface. Nicole didn’t realise there was an ulterior motive for his eagerness until one day she returned home from riding and discovered his lordship doing something unmentionable with the housekeeper. Now you need to keep reading this because there is an important twist later that you don’t want to miss. I would tell you now but I know you’re probably bored by all this and would bugger off before I got finished!

Right, so she came home and found him at it and she said the thing that pissed her off more than anything was that he was performing much better than he ever did with her, in fact she said they never even saw her enter the bedroom and it was only after she approached them that they realised they had been rumbled. As you can imagine this didn’t go down too well with Nicole and she says she thinks that is why he was wanting her to have his child so that once he had his heir he could ditch her for the housekeeper. You might be wondering now why he didn’t just ditch her anyway and have the child with the housekeeper but you have to remember the pedigree thing. If it was just a matter of having any old baby he could pay someone but it can’t just be anyone and I shouldn’t think there are many aristocratic lady’s willing to be bought in that way. So anyway that was that, there was much argument and hard feeling that went on for nearly two year! Imagine living with that. Of course she instantly withdrew all marital rights which caused any amount of retaliation to get her to comply even though he told her on many occasion that the housekeeper does more for him in one session than Nicole had done in the whole time they were married but despite all the mental torture she was still expected to give one last turn. In the end all the pressure caused her to have a break down and hospitalised for over six months, mainly for her own safety. Mean while throughout all of this the housekeeper was still employed by his lordship and they no longer made any attempt to hide their feelings in front of Nicole. Like me you’re probably wondering why she didn’t just tell everyone what he was up too but I’m sure you know as well as I do that many women in this world put up with untold misery and also I guess it’s like she said to me, its bad enough when a husband dumps you for another woman but when its for a man its so humiliating. Yes, you heard right, his name is Tony – well it is for the sake of this blog.

When she came out of the clinic she moved to Yorkshire and won’t return to live in London with him while he persists in having his rent boy there, apparently Tony is very house proud and keeps the place spotless! Just before Christmas time, to get him off her back she agreed to have his baby but not by normal means as she doesn’t want him touching her anymore In return for this, moving out and giving up rights to the child, he was going to sign over one of the estate properties to her to do with what she wishes also she would be given an allowance until such times that she had a means of support from someone else. I didn't think that right as she should surely get much more from a divorce but it seems that all the estate and what have you doesn't actually belong to him in person, its like a trust or something. The thing is though, now I’ve shown her what life with a real knight is like she has had second thoughts about going through with the deal. I told her if it gets him off her back for good I didn’t mind her doing it as long as it didn’t come between us but she said she couldn’t swear to that because having a baby can do stuff to a woman so now I’m not to keen on the idea either but I have no idea of an alternative. Maybe my friend who made the comment on the last post is right, if she was pregnant with my babe she couldn’t very well have his as well could she! It doesn’t seem like a very good reason for our first babe though and its rushing things way too much. I wish I could talk to mum about it because I know she would know what to do.

Nice Surprise, Bad Situation.

I hope you all had a good weekend. Mine was pretty quiet with everyone being away. On Saturday I serviced the digger for dad, he usually checks it over on a weekend and was using it as an excuse to stay home so I said that I would do it for him as mum needed a break.

Yesterday I had to re-install windows on to my computer as it developed a problem that I couldn’t work around. It took me all day and until 2 this morning to get it something like as I had to download drivers and goodness knows what else. I wasn’t at it all the time though. I had one nice break, although the circumstances weren’t so good. At just after 4 in the afternoon I got a phone call and was delighted to hear Nicole on the other end. It seems she got my number from my job application. We’d agreed last week that we wouldn’t call each other as its just another way to get discovered so when I heard her I sort of guessed something was wrong. She asked if I could talk to her on the phone for a while cos she felt so alone. I could tell by her voice she was well upset, it was like all quivering. Well of course I would have made time to talk to her. I had this thought that seen as I was alone why not ask her to come over so we could talk properly. So after asking what his lordship was doing and her saying he left for London I suggested it and she jumped at the idea. She only lives three miles away so I reckoned I had ten minutes to get things tidy, not that it was too bad. I lit the fire in the sitting room intending to take her through there as it’s a bit more up to her standards than the kitchen.

I was waiting in the yard for her when she arrived. I could see before she even stopped the car that she was in a right old state. She asked again if it was okay to be there and I assured her that I was alone and not expecting my parents and brother back until later that night. I didn’t know where my sis was but I didn’t see her all weekend so I wasn’t too bothered about her. I showed her indoors and asked if I could get her anything. She said later maybe and to just hold her for a while which I was more than pleased to do. To hold something so precious and delicate is a honour I will never tire of.

Eventually she pulled away and kissed me then said, ‘Thank you Jake, I love you so much’.

I love her too more than anything.

I was wanting to take her through to the sitting room but she seemed intent on checking out the kitchen. I apologise for it not being spick and span like her place.

‘Don’t be silly Jake, you’re a working family and this is your home, so of course its going to look lived in. It’s nice and cosy and friendly’.

Anyone who thinks that all aristocrats are up their own arses haven’t met Nicole. Admittedly a lot of them are but she seems to enjoy roughing it – thankfully.

‘Its nice to see where my jammy doorsteps are manufactured’, she said with a smile.

It was an amazing transformation. She looked like she wanted to end it all just tem minutes ago when she arrived and now she was joking and smiling.

She was even ready for a drink now so I made that while she explored some more and we then went through to the sitting room which was even more cosy now the fire was roaring up the chimney. We sat together on the sofa and she cuddled up to me and told me her woes which had me fuming that she should have been treated the way she was. I’m just glad she had the nerve to call me and I made her promise that she must do that anytime anything like that happens again.
The housekeeper doesn’t work weekends unless there is a shoot or a party so Nicole cooks for herself and his lordship if he’s there. The thing is because of what happened in London with his rent boy housekeeper Nicole won’t stay there unless she has too so she lives here and gets paid for looking after the estate in his lordships absence but every time he visits he does nothing but pick spots off what she’s done or hasn’t done to the point that she becomes demoralised by it all. Then yesterday at lunch time he tells her she’s booked in for a consultation with regard to Artificial Insemination. No one ever asked me to tell the rest of the story the other day so I guess you’re missing that bit so I hope you can pick up on what I’m saying here. I don’t know all the detail’s as she gets upset when talking about it. Anyway although she did agree to go through with it to get him off her back after leaving the clinic for depression, now we’ve become friends she’s changed her mind. Anyway when he started on yesterday she told him that she changed her mind and he went mental. He called her some really horrible things and then got up and threw his dinner in the bin – including the plate, saying she can’t even cook properly and left saying that he would be expect her to keep the appointment as agreed. So this is now all a bit of a worry for both of us.

Secrets.

On the way home the other day I asked my lovely lady why she got so upset about his lordship forgetting his phone. I noticed on the way out of the room it was a nice Blackberry job and definitely not something to be thrown around as she did so that will tell you the mood she came back in and why I wanted to know. I saw her hesitating so I coxed her on a bit by saying, ‘Come on we can’t have secrets now we’re partners in crime’.

She laughed and said, ‘I jolly well hope you remember that next time some girl half my age comes along making eyes at you’.

Those words really did make me do a double take, it made me realise how much more her commitment was to mine, also how vulnerable she must be feeling to say something like that. I saw instantly why the age difference seemed more important to her than me. I was lost in my own thoughts trying to think of what I could say to take the doubts out of her head when she started telling what I asked. It sort of didn’t seem so important anymore but I listened with interest because what she said was quite as shocking as her previous statement. There was so much going on that I never even considered before.

She started by saying that it wasn’t him leaving the phone that bothered her, it was because he left it on the kitchen worktop for all to see. Then went on that against her better judgement she took a look at his text messages and discovered countless valentine messages back and forth between him and their housekeeper in London.

I know – shock horror, his lordship has a lover! Well I will tell you now that is not even half the tale. How long do you want me to keep you waiting for the other half and a bit??!

This it seems is not news to Nicole which is why she said about knowing better than to look in the first place but I guess you know how it is. I think the thing that upset her was that he never even said one word to her about Valentines day – I mean, what a loser! I would have spoilt her rotten, well as rotten as I could afford anyway. I would at least have coughed up a burger and chips in the hiking store café or even a jammy doorstep LOL!

Well where was I? Oh yes, the phone throwing. That was about it really for that apart from the revealing revelation that I’m waiting to see if you’re ready to hear about yet.

There was one other slightly embarrassing thing she brought up in connection to the ‘Mad Depraved Sex Woman’ incident. This was brought about after she finished telling me about the above and after I told her that things would be different for her now she had her very own knight looking after her.

‘Its your turn now then Jake, tell me your secret’ she said taking a quick look at me.

I couldn’t think which one to tell her first! I think she saw me struggling and prompted me by saying.

‘Why not start with the one in the bathroom’.

Again I wasn’t sure which one – I know I have too many secrets all over the place, its shameful, at least she didn’t want to know about the ones in the potting shed. I looked at her for another clue and saw by her grin that she was teasing me.

‘If you don’t want secrets to come to light you shouldn’t pester other people for theirs also you need to put things back the way you find them’ she said and I suddenly knew by that and the look on her face what she was talking about.

‘I want to get out please’ I said jokingly yet mortified with embarrassment.

Fortunately, or unfortunately we were back at the hall but before I escaped she informed me I was a very naughty boy and not to think I’m getting away with it. I’m not sure what she has in mind or what to expect. She thanked me for a nice time and told me to take care which was nice although I was thinking it was her that gave me the nice time but there you go.

For those who haven’t caught on she was referring to the panty play during her absence to fetch the second light bulb. Read the ‘Mad Sex Depraved Woman.’ post.

Anger Driven Lust.

She reached across the table and took my hand and said after a sigh that I could clearly hear, ‘Jake, I know you think a lot of me and no doubt have your own idea’s about us which means more than you know to me and this makes me love you more than I’ve loved anyone for a long time despite the differences between us – but…’.

She stopped short of finishing the sentence and was looking at me like she was still trying to make her mind up to tell me or quit before it was too late. For me this all meant just one thing and I felt a terrible sickening emptiness come over me.

With a gentle squeeze of my hand she resumed, ‘What I did yesterday was wrong of me’.

I went to break in to say that I wasn’t complaining in the least little bit but she cut me off.

‘I know what you’re going to say Jake but you don’t know my reasons for doing what I did and it is they that are wrong’.

I listened for what those reasons might be, afraid to interrupt her again. After seeming to be lost in her own thoughts for a minute she went on.

‘You’re a sweet innocent boy who I have strong feelings for as a dear friend and now I find myself having to confess, though this is hard to come to terms with at the moment, even beyond friendship and this is why what I did was wrong. I know you may be finding it hard to see the difference which is proof in itself that I should be setting an example and teach you the joys of our relationship in a responsible and considerate manner and not inflict you with what was nothing more than anger driven lust intended to make me feel like a woman. It was selfish of me and although I don’t doubt that you enjoyed the experience I’m just as sure you didn’t know what was really happening’.

I was both relieved and stunned, I’m not sure why I felt stunned, perhaps it was from fearing she was telling me she wasn’t interested in me or whatever you call it. Just to confirm that I was on the right track I asked, ‘So you’re not dumping me or anything then miss’?

‘Course not silly’ she said doing that cute wrinkly nose thing she sometimes does.

‘Quite the opposite in fact, driving to town earlier made me realise how much I miss out on in my life. I was with a guy who obviously dotes on me, who wants nothing more than to be with me and please me and is proud to be seen with me. Do you know how often I get just one of those things from my husband’?

I shrugged my shoulders as I really had no idea although I was dying to find out so I suggested she told me.

‘To be honest neither have I, it’s been so long and so infrequent’.

‘I’m scared stiff where this might end, and I pray you don’t get hurt by it but really I want us to be together Jake – if you’ll have me’ she said.

These were the words I didn’t dare dream of ever hearing. Writing this a day after the event I still can’t believe it’s really true. What started out as nothing more than lust for a beautiful woman has blossomed in to a dream come true.

I knew that feeling of being scared of where it might lead, I also knew that if she had the feelings I had last week she also had no choice but to go with them no matter where it ended so I asked if we could leave at this point as the woman behind the counter kept on looking and I wanted to comfort my lady, I didn’t want her to be sad and worried like this but I didn’t dare do anything there in the café to comfort her.

Back at the car there was no one around so we held each other for a while which was nice. I told her not to worry because as long as we have each other it doesn’t matter what people think or say, not that either of us plan on telling anyone in the near future.

On the way home I wouldn’t say she was back to the way she was when we left but she seemed okay. She spent most of the time telling me tales about Lord A which I will pass on to you tomorrow. From what was said I feel a bit of a cheat as it seems my task was never that great in so far as his lordship goes as she hasn’t been happy with him for quite some time now but I will save the juicy stuff for tomorrow. For some reason she seems to see the biggest obstacle between us is the age difference. Also on the way home I was told that if I am to be her boyfriend I can’t keep calling her Lady Alex or miss, so now when we’re out I can call her by her name which is Nicole. So all in all I think things are looking pretty good. She drove home so that she could come in the back way and drop me off by the potting shed. There is only the housekeeper on duty in the afternoons as the cleaners only work from nine until one but its best if people see as little as possible.

Before I go I would like to thank Lady Enigma for her comment on my previous post, what you said really touched my heart and I now feel like I have an angel looking after me.

Oh yes, one more thing, and this is probably so obvious that I need not mention it but I just want to point out for the sake of being honest that even though I hang on to Nicole’s every word she did do quite a lot of talking yesterday so I haven’t been able to write down everything word for word as I just don’t remember her every word on this occasion so what you have is the gist of what was said and the time we spent together.

Is This The End?

Today everything started great, how could it not after yesterday? When I got done with the logs which didn’t take long I found Lady Alex in the pantry having a go at the ladies for putting used light bulbs back in the cupboard saying how they had her running around half the morning trying to find a good one. I thought she was telling them in a pleasant manner but no doubt they had plenty to talk about after she dismissed them about their business. She then turned to me and asked if I went through the seed list and what did I think. I was happy enough with what she chose to grow but I suggested that we grow the Pansies for Winter/Spring rather than the summer and she was happy enough about that and said for me to meet her at the Hall at two and we would go and see Mr Fenwick about filling the order and while there I could have a look if there was anything else I needed.

I was at the hall for two as told and this time Lady Alex was ready and waiting. God damn my dick started getting excited the minute I saw her, she was hot hot hot dressed the same as I remember her that first time I saw her. How she gets in to those jeans I don’t know, and those boots –sigh! She picked up her bag and I followed totally mesmerised and nearly walked in to the back of her when she suddenly stopped and asked if I would drive.

‘Yes I can do if you trust me’ I replied jokingly.

Then she did that light bulb thing again like she did yesterday as she passed me the keys saying with the devils own smile on her face, ‘Don’t worry - if you have an accident I won’t hold it against you’.

She said this in her official boss tone of voice but the look was that of a devil woman, I was left in no doubt what she was talking about and straight away thought about the comment Paul Wynn left on my blog – I never thought to take his advice now I felt sure I was going to pay for the oversight as I could already feel the well filling and we hadn’t even set off yet.

As with our last outing we took his lordships discovery that he uses for the shoot days and when he’s staying here. Once on the way she went in to friends mode which is way cool and as soon as we got away from the house she put her hand on my thigh and give it what I would say was an affectionate rub and asked, ‘You ok Jake’?

I assumed she was meaning because of what happened yesterday but whatever she was meaning I was okay so I told her so, ‘might be wise to ease up on the leg a bit while I’m driving though’.

‘Jake you can’t be’, she said seemingly surprised although I can’t think why, I mean what does she expect. I think she must like living dangerously because to confirm my intimations she took a quick feel just to make sure what I said was true and on discovering what I said was more than true said, ‘Jake, you’re incorrigible really! It’s like having a little puppy dog going round the place wagging his tail every time he sees me’.

‘I can’t help it miss, you make me this way’.

We’d just arrived at the bridge over the river which is only single lane traffic and I was looking to see what this car was doing so it didn’t dawn on me straight away the significance of what she said and then I thought, and looked at her, ‘what do you mean EVERY time’?

There was a big grin on her face and she raised her eyebrows in a manner that acknowledged my thoughts.

‘How long’? I asked feeling myself colouring up.

‘Well lets put it this way, do you remember when I came to introduce myself and you wiped the dirt from your hands on your trousers’?

‘Yes’ how could I forget.

‘Well if you noticed me hesitate a little it was because I wasn’t sure which you wanted me to shake first’! she said revelling in my embarrassment.

She wasn’t revelling in a nasty way, just like pulling my leg.

‘I’m sorry Jake, I shouldn’t tease, really though its sweet and very flattering. When you get to my age the only guys you seem to have that effect on are the ones you don’t want getting amorous with you’ she said regretfully.

‘You don’t seem that old to me miss’ I said truthfully.

‘Ah, thank you, I’m afraid to disappoint you though, I’m almost twice your age, I was 36 last November, does that shock you’?

That did surprise me and I think it must have showed because she asked if that calmed me down any. Again I was honest and said I was surprised she was that age but it made no difference to any feelings I had for her.

‘You’re a good boy Jake, I’m pleased we’re going to be friends’.

Fenwick’s is like a garden centre but without the plants, she introduced me to Mr Fenwick and his son who then took me out the back to show me the sort of things they stocked while Lady Alex dealt with the seed order with Mr Fenwick.

On the way back to the car which we had to leave on a car park she surprised me by asking, ‘Do you fancy going for a coffee, I need to talk to you about something’.

I said that I didn’t mind as long as she was paying as I didn’t have any money with me. She joked about me being her toy boy and said I could refer to her as aunt in public if I prefered. I assured her that I would do no such thing and that I felt good about being with her.

I asked what she wanted to talk about but she said to wait and asked if I knew anywhere out of the way, I assumed she meant where we wouldn’t be known and I remembered that they had a café at the hiking store I sometimes use so I suggested going there and she seemed okay about it although I felt she was a bit quiet during the ten minutes or so it took to drive there. It seemed like something had happened between us but I didn’t know what.

We got a coffee and went to sit down at the far end out of the way, not that there were many people in. There was a man on his own and a couple who left soon after we sat down.

There was a definite atmosphere come over the whole outing now, as we sat there, it was like the old days when I didn’t dare say anything to her and worse still she wasn’t saying a whole lot to me either until she seemed to make up her mind to tell me what was wrong.

She reached across the table and took my hand and said after a sigh that I could clearly hear, ‘Jake, I know you think a lot of me and no doubt have your own idea’s about us which means more than you know to me and this makes me love you more than I’ve loved anyone for a long time despite the differences between us – but…’.

She stopped short of finishing the sentence and was looking at me like she was still trying to make her mind up to tell me or quit before it was too late. For me this all meant just one thing and I felt a terrible sickening emptiness come over me.

As with any good suspense I’m going to leave it there for today, I will reveal all tomorrow so join me then to see what the lady has on her mind that is so shocking she hesitates to tell me. See if her revelations break my heart, determination, or willingness to make her my own.

Mad Sex Depraved Woman.

The log box and bucket were completely empty this morning and needed ten baskets full to fill them. I was on around the sixth basket when Lady Alex met me at the bottom of the back stairs, I like to kid myself that she was practising the lowering of her stands in preparation for when I take over her well being LOL! Anyway she said not to disappear after I got finished as she needed to see me in the kitchen. Well dreamt I as I lugged up the remaining baskets, the kitchen is as good a place as any, on the TV I’ve seen many a romantic situation entered into over a kitchen table although on this occasion I knew in reality that this kitchen table was not the right place due to the fact that it was the centre of all manner of tails and gossip so I could only assume that Lady Alex wanted me for work – darn it!

When I entered she was just telling the others what needed to be done after his lordships visit, for me she had the list of seeds she would like me to grow and said for me to take a look through it and let her know of any problems and then tomorrow we were to go to see Mr Fenwick in town and get him to make up the order. Also she asked me to remove some roses that weren’t growing properly for some reason as she is going to replace them with some more. She then sent me for the stepladders from the pantry as there was light bulb that needed replacing in her bathroom so I went off and got the ladders and followed her up the stairs, one eye on her beautiful bottom which today was clad tightly in black leggings, the other eye was carefully watching that the ladders didn’t go through any portraits of what are presumably family members watching seemingly with disgust at the garden boy entering the lady’s chamber. One woman in particular looked quite venomous, I’m sure she knows something.

So far all the interaction had been formal and continued this way except I noticed she showed concern about me climbing the ladder and said to be careful. When she tried the new bulb nothing happened, I could tell the lady was not amused. I think I was so pleased to see her after all the time apart I didn’t realise until then that she did seem quite stressed. She turned and left to look for a different bulb telling me to wait there. I didn’t exactly stay right there on the spot, I wanted to take a look in her bedroom, I just wanted to look and take in as much as I could as you never know if you will pick up a weapon for use against the enemy another time. I noticed her bed was not made, presumably Angela or someone does that. I did notice too that there was like a long T-shirt on the pillow, which makes me think that is what she sleeps in, and again it was refreshing to note that it wasn’t anything fancy or real expensive. I could afford to buy that sort of kit, although thinking about it maybe that would be a bad investment as in her case less would definitely be more if you get my drift. I would probably have picked it up to hold but something more interesting took my eye, or at least the lack of it did, I couldn’t see any evidence that his lordship had been there. Surely he wouldn’t clear all his stuff away before leaving early this morning. So I went back in to the bathroom looking for evidence of his presence in there. My hopes were building now, could it be they didn’t sleep together, I can’t believe a guy would have a wife like Lady Alex and not sleep with her but then again I find it hard to believe he can live in London for days on end without seeing her. I have too go without seeing her for days but he doesn’t. I could see nothing in the bathroom to say that he had been there either and was just about to open a cabinet when I noticed the linen basket. It was a wicker one like snake charmers have and I got to thinking maybe he put his stuff in there. The lid was on the floor by the bath so I could see there was plenty of things in there, also there was something red/orange hanging over the side. I never got to look closely at the contents because on closer inspection I saw that the red garment was a pair of lady’s underwear. My heart suddenly started doing that pounding thing again and my hands trembled a little as I checked if the coast was clear before picking up the panties for a closer look. My cock went instantly solid at the sight before me. I don’t have a name for their style other than they looked more like boxer shorts than the normal lady’s panty design. For those who don’t like a lot of information you had better skip to the final paragraph of this post now.

I held the panties to my face and took in deep breaths of my lady’s beautiful scent, it was nothing short of intoxicating. I wanted to keep them and even thought about it I’m ashamed to say but in the end decided not to risk it so after one more fix I put them back in the basket and good thing too as I only just returned to the cabinet by the sink when the bedroom door opened and my sweet heart walked in. I didn’t really pay attention to her as I was trying to get my cock settled in a more presentable position. It was sure going to need a workout before anything could be done in the garden. I did notice her throw something on the bed, and I mean throw and not just gently tossed. I assumed it was the old light bulb or a book or something. She had a look on her face like I hadn’t seen in her before. She looked angry about something or at least a bad mood so I didn’t say anything and waited for her to say something which she did while removing the bulb from the box,

‘Sorry I was gone so long but I had to call his lordships office as he’s left his phone on the kitchen worktop of all places’.

‘That’s a pain’ I replied trying to sympathetic.

‘It’s more than a dam pain’ she said in a ruthful tone before adding, ‘Here, try this one then Jake’.

She now faced me and I immediately saw a change in her, she was now more like her usual self but different somehow. I took hold of the bulb at the same time being transfixed by her gaze. As I took the bulb she sort of held on to it, not enough to stop me taking it but it didn’t leave her hand willingly either if you know what I mean. Whatever it was she did it set my cock off again, it had hardly calmed down from the panty play. I quickly turned to the ladder so as not to embarrass myself. Thankfully this bulb worked, I say thankfully because the ladder seemed a little more unsteady when in possession of a rampant hard on.

I wasn’t aware that my lady had moved back to the ladder as I climbed down and almost stood on her as my right foot left the last step. By the time the left foot left the same step I was nearly hitting the ceiling again but this time without the aid of the ladder. The very hand that only two weeks ago I had been afraid to squeeze too hard for fear of damaging it was now like a vice of steel clamped around my bollocks but not only that her left hand was gripping my upper left arm and her whole body was pressing against the left side of my back causing me to rely heavily on the steps for support. I thought that if a woman ever got you by the bollocks it would be painful and something to be avoided at all costs but not so, this was pure pleasure and my only reason for crying out initially was out of surprise.

I could feel the heat of her body as it pressed against me and I think it was her cheek that brushed my ear as she spoke words that made me think that some other mad sex depraved woman had snuck in to the room when I wasn’t looking.

‘Don’t you dare tell me that you’re fuckin’ gay or I will pull them off (extra tight squeeze) and make you eat them’ she said in a voice that was half way between a growl and a whisper.

It felt like my cock was bursting out of its skin.

‘Fuck, no miss, definitely not’, is all I could spit out as a reply. I was having trouble breathing and now she was rolling my balls round and round in her hand.

‘You’re a horny young fuck Jake’ she said this time with not so much venom in a voice that still possessed menace.

‘I’m not usually this way miss, I can’t help it when you’re around’.

She was now alternating the round and round thing with rubbing and pulling like my balls were one of those executive toys for relieving stress. I thought she looked stressed but fuckin’ hell! (NOTE) I must stress her ladyship out more often.

‘Do you think you’re man enough to handle a real woman then or would you rather do more time with the girlies’ she asked and then to add to the pleasure/torment she did something totally amazing in my ear before nipping the lobe.

I couldn’t speak anymore other than to say that I wasn’t sure but I would love more than anything to try. My head was on my arm which was on one of the steps of the ladder. Since the first question I had been fighting to hold back the sap. It was like – only more intense – when you needed to sneeze but don’t want to draw attention to yourself. The more you fight it the more you think about it building inside you and so the more you needed to do it. I was afraid to do it because I’ve heard that women don’t like you to go shooting off quick like. I wanted to please her more than anything. I wanted to be a man for her and not some kid who couldn’t control himself. But that tongue thing and the voice, god – and the accent all together would make me cum let alone what she was doing with my bollocks.

Then she said, ‘come on then darling, show me how much you want me’. And did the ear thing again.

That was it, I couldn’t hold it.

‘Come on sweetie, let me have it, you will feel so much better for it’.

This woman wasn’t just fuckin with my mind or fuckin my cock, she was doing my whole being, she took my whole body with just her words.

My whole body was trembling and for some reason I started sobbing, I think because when the cum came from me in a rapid series of pulses it like took with it all the pent up emotions of the past two weeks, there was no hiding place in my thoughts any more, also as I say I was terrible afraid I let her down and was embarrassed by that.

‘That’s it fuckin g-o-o-d boy’ she was saying in a soft whisper almost like she was purring as my cock started firing off like it was demented.

I could feel myself flooding my underpants and still she was doing me both with her hand and her voice. Her hand was rubbing and squeezing like she was trying to squeeze the last drops of juice from an orange and her voice kept on encouraging to the same end.

‘Let me have it Jake, show me how much you want me’.

I had no choice, she just took everything and more while all the time encouraging me. Even after I got done and she released me from my duties she kept on saying stuff while caressing my back. She drained my whole body and not just my cock and balls, I wasn’t even sure I could stand without the aid of the steps and still there was this feeling of guilt that I didn’t hold on longer. I tried to say I was sorry for not being able to hold back.

‘Jake, of all the times I’ve wanted you to talk to me this is not one of them. What you just did says more to me than any words ever can, now shut up and kiss me’.

This was said almost like she was telling me off and as she pulled at my left shoulder to indicate for me to face her. She wasn’t angry though, she was smiling and wiped my face with her sleeve. Huh! Some knight I was turning out to be, I was supposed to be the one to wipe away her tears.

I was trying to think how you kiss a woman like this, I’ve kissed my aunt and gran and stuff but I knew that sort of kiss was not for my dear lady. I tried to think how they did it on TV but my mind was still a blank when her hands got the sides of my face and pulled my lips to hers. I thought I was going to let go another shot as our lips touched and I tasted her breath and felt the softness. Her body once again pressed tightly to me like she was trying to make them as one. Then it was over as quickly as it started.

‘I think we need to practise a little more on the kissing don’t you Jake’ she said with the most wicked grin on her face.

I must admit I am quite surprised at how lucid I was, this time two weeks ago I would most certainly be in intensive care if not worse but I was able to quip back an answer that seemed to please her no end.

‘I just hope you are a patient woman miss as I can be quite slow to pick things up at times’.

‘You’d better be getting off now, go by the back stairs and don’t hang around, without meaning to be unkind you look like shit’ she said.

She was right of course, we’d been 30 minutes changing a light bulb although 10 of those minutes had been spent waiting for her while she made the phone call. As I walked past with the ladders she got hold of my arm and gave me one of her melting looks as she said, ‘I feel it too you know Jake, pleased tell me that I can trust you’.

I took her other hand with my free one and looked in to her eyes so she could see the truth and told her, ‘Of course miss, I want to be the one to defend your honour and integrity all of my life, I would rather die than fail in that duty’.

Her knight might need practise at kissing and a few other thinks but he has learnt fast how to reassure and make his lady smile.

‘Oh Jake you’re such a smoothie’ she said teasingly, then went on to point out that I needed to pull my top down a little to hide the big wet patch on the front of my trousers then she said. ‘GO’!

That’s two times that I know of that my lady has come to me with a frown and left with a smile, that makes me feel so good. In fact I felt absolutely brill all day, I mean that’s it isn’t it, no more hiding of feelings, no more wondering if its possible, no more turning back either. I of all people have captured my lady’s heart, now I have to make sure and show her that she can trust me to look after it for her. To this end I left the house by the fuel tank passage having seen or heard no one during my exit. The fuel tank passage is hidden from the house and exits in to the stable block. It’s more important than ever that I operate with stealth. I know that nothing like that must ever happen again in the house and I am going to insist my lady understands this because it’s for her own sake and the sake of our future happiness together.

Some Things About Me.

I expect you’re all wondering what Jake gets up too in his spare time – well probably not but I’m going to tell you anyway.

As mentioned yesterday I do some long distance walks although they usually start in a few weeks time. When I say long distance I mean something between 15 to 25 miles when its just a single day walk but I also do some multi days when at times I reach 200 miles in a single walk, my longest ever being 270 miles. These walks are all done as self supporting so what I carry is what I have to live with for however long it takes.

I also do some bike riding but I’m not as serious about that as I the walking.

Other times I either help dad if he needs a hand with the digger or maybe getting one of the old tractors ready for a show then there are other times when I do some tractor driving for a contractor near here, that’s usually in spring or harvest time when they have more work than they have people to do it. I’m not sure how any of this will fit in with other things that will hopefully be happening this year, maybe something will have to stop.

As most of you will know its valentines day tomorrow, I would dearly love to do something special for my lady but I don’t see how that is possible. I thought of sending her a card anonymously but that’s not on either as I can’t afford to risk the wrong person seeing it and getting forewarned about anything so I think its best to leave be this year and dream of what will be next year.

Also with regard to Lady Alex, I’ve had a few mails and stuff requesting a picture of her which is quite understandable, I would love one myself actually. I was going to sneak one with my phone but then since my lust has turned to love I feel I should show her more respect, it feels like stealing and the only thing I ever want to be accused of stealing from my dear lady is her heart so for that reason I would like you to be like me and show some patience – I know, its hard isn’t it. Also I must warn you that her beauty is like a fresh snow scene, there is not a camera made capable of capturing the complete and utter beauty of it so I’m just saying not to expect some super model because my lady’s beauty lies where no camera can focus.

I've Met My Adversary

Today I finished off changing the soil in the greenhouse border, we are going to be growing Tomatoes there in the summer so as Lady Alex wasn’t sure what the gardener grew there last year I suggested to her that we change the soil as its not good to grow the same thing in the same soil for too long and I don’t want any problems with it being my first year.

Whilst I was getting finished off I met my unwitting adversary for the first time. I can’t say I came off best during our first encounter. I’m tempted to say I held my own but lying to myself would be a weakness I can ill afford – we learn from our mistakes so if we kid ourselves that we are never wrong how can we learn. I was sort of hoping he would be an old bad tempered sort of guy or similar but I guess if you are a lady you could find him fairly attractive, quite charming and friendly. Whilst I don’t consider this a setback to my plans it would have been easier had he been different. The thing I am kicking my arse about though is the fact that at one point I felt compassion for him. I mean for goodness sake, what’s the point in loading up the cannon with two cannon balls and then feel sorry for what it might do to him and question whether it’s moral. I can’t tell you how angry I am with myself for that. I must remember that it’s his happiness or mine and not both. So tonight I’m bashing my brain with determination music.

Today was also the first payday for me, I get paid every two weeks. The money goes straight in the bank so I don’t actually get to see it. I’ve already spent £20 of it on some 10kg ankle weights which I use to train for the long distance walks I do. They should come next week so now the longer days are coming I will be able to get out at night for a bit of a walk.

My Advantage.

I saw Lady Alex for the briefest spell this morning while doing the logs, it was more or less just a word in passing and totally formal in appearance to anyone who might have been listening or looking but the weird thing is that even during such unassuming times between us there is some kind of buzz. Hopefully it’s just something in my mind and not something noticeable to anyone else.

The one thing about being a gardener working alone is that you have loads of time to think about things. Some time it is not so good, last week being proof of this but now I’ve decided upon my journey most of my time is taken up plotting the course. No longer am I in such a rush and no longer am I bogged down with frustration.

Today has been spent making a list of what I have and what I don’t have in order to pursue the lady, where I’m weak and where I’m strong. I’ve also weighed up what I know of the enemy which I confess isn’t much and one of the first things I need to improve. I’m not going to write down the whole of the lists as I’ve spent all day thinking about them so I don’t really fancy spending all night writing about them but as far as I can see the enemy has two big guns and some armour in the form of moral high ground which could be used in swaying future decisions. The big guns are the piece of paper that says ‘Hands off, she mine’. I’m undecided as to how powerful that will be. His biggest gun of all though is the money and everything that involves. Even Lady Alex quoted this as a difference between us when we went for the things for the wall. Then of course there are a few small things to consider like for instance the age difference. None of these bother me but they could play a part so need to be watched.

In my favour I too have some big guns but no armour other than stealth which I also think is my most powerful weapon. I’ve taken great encouragement from the knowledge that many a seemingly forgone conclusion has been over turned by surprise. I’m sure that the most very important thing for me is to protect this advantage. Another advantage for me is that I’m there five days a week, okay so he has the ability to pick and choose when he spends time with her but that’s nothing because even when you aren’t physically there with someone you can be in their heart and mind so I’m going to sort that out somehow. Another thing on my side is youth. I said the age difference could work against me but it could also work very well for me in a number of ways.

Tomorrow and the weekend will be spent studying the lists and one by one I will determine ways to neutralise the effect of the enemies advantages and maximise mine until I have an answer to everything on the lists.

I guess the above makes me sound like a prat or at least calculating and a little cruel. Really I’m a nice person and usually as soft as shit to the point of being taken for a fool most of the time. I didn’t ask to fall in love with my lady, I came here to look after the grounds and go home to look for my girl but it didn’t happen that way round. There are no children involved, if there were I wouldn’t even look at her just for the sake of them. All you fans of Lord A will be thinking I’m being a bastard to him stealing his wife from him. Well the way I see it is that if he’s looking after her the way a husband should he won’t have anything to worry about. It seems to me that too many people get married and then mistake the license for a reason to stop trying.

I’m finding inspiration in all different places but at the moment it comes from a TV program I saw the other night, I forget the name of the guy now but he was one of the great Royal Navy captains. If I remember right it was around the start of the seven years war when this French warship came along side a Royal Navy ship, the French captain asks the Navy captain, ‘are we at peace’? The Navy captain replies, ‘Most definitely sir’. This was a signal for the gun crews to fire their cannon’s each one loaded with TWO cannon balls. The Navy captain was prepared, the French captain wasn’t. The French ship didn’t even know what happened let alone have chance to retaliate. A dastardly trick I won’t deny but very effective and no messing around, that’s how I have to be. No one will suspect the spotty young kid for anything other than a stupid garden boy until hopefully it’s too late to do anything about it.

I Met A Guy Called Frank.

I’ve spent most of today finishing off tidying up the conservatory. It’s not been a bad day although I only managed to see Lady Alex in a formal capacity this morning when she said for me to finish off the conservatory and if possible change the soil in the greenhouse border. One of the things she wanted to talk to me about yesterday was with regard to growing plants from seeds and would I be happy to do that for her. Of course I don’t mind at all and sort of took it for granted we would be doing that anyway but it seems the last gardener preferred to buy them in as plants. So over the next few days she is going to be looking through the seed catalogue and then sometime next week when his lordship has gone home we will meet to discus what she picked.

This morning I met a guy called Frank who lives in one of the rented houses and he didn’t seem to have much of a good word to say about the family. In his opinion they have no idea about how to run the estate. If you listen to him it seems like the only ones who are any good for anything are the gamekeeper and his lad and the last gardener who is supposed to have got fired! I think I would rather be in the gardens out of the way because it drives me nuts when people are back stabbing like that.

I’ve seen nothing of Lord A, I’ve yet to meet him as everything was handled through the agent before I started here, there are still a couple more days yet though so no doubt I will see him some time. It’s important that I get to know my enemy!

All A Knight Ever Wants.

Today has been as good as yesterday was bad so all those of you enduring a bad time at the moment can take heart because it’s true that a rise follows a fall.

My day started much the same as it left off yesterday except today I went to work with no expectations and the morning proved this to be the right approach.

It wasn’t until lunch break that things started to look up. I’d just made my coffee and was about to sit down when I heard what was nothing short of beautiful music to my ears, ‘Are you there Jake’?

Through the window I saw Lady Alex looking lost in the potting shed yard.

I had the heater on in the potting shed so the door was bolted from the inside, not to keep anyone out but the latch is broken so it’s the only way of keeping it closed. I did answer to let her know I was home but I also moved like lightening to the door, not because I was getting over excited or anything, but born out of my mum’s advice last night, plus all the lost time, disappointment, inspiration gained from reading other peoples blogs and also of course Lady Alex’s own remarks the other day I was determined that no matter what the out come the next time I saw her I was going to try my best to stay cool, calm and collected. Not sure what being collected is all about but it sounds better than calculating.

I know mum would not encourage me to have any desires on Lady Alex but she was right when she said that sitting around being miserable was not going to achieve anything. No matter how much I tell myself it’s a recipe for disaster and despair I can’t give up my feelings for her, I just can’t. So the only alternative as far as I can see is to let them play out even though I know that one day, one way or another its going to come to an end so it may as well be today as any other.

So I rushed to get the door because after nearly six days without seeing her I wasn’t about to let her disappear again just because she thought I wasn’t around.

As it happened she had heard me and was almost at the door before me. I was quite shocked when I opened it and saw her. She never seems to have a lot of colour but her face was almost ghost like it was so pale. She also looked perished even though she was wearing the long black coat, really she looked terrible, and of course I mean that in a sympathetic sort of way.

On opening the door she greeted me with that sexy upper class accent which I find so attractive, ‘Oh, hello Jake, have you got time for a chat’?

‘Yes for sure Lady Alex, I will always have time for you, come on in here where it’s a bit warmer’!

Go on guys, give me a clap and a cheer, you know I deserve it for that one! I mean how cool was that, how decisive. A little smooth maybe but I slipped it in just great don’t you think, and all from a guy who is yet to be kissed in anger. I guess there is still some hope for me yet!

She looked at me for a split second all serious, like I was taking the piss or something but I smiled and held her gaze so that she could see in my eyes that I was sincere and I knew the ice was shattered into a million pieces when she took my invite with one of her lovely smiles and said, ‘Jake, that is so sweet – thank you’.

That made me feel like a million pounds and it also seemed to put a bit of colour in her cheeks and that’s all a real knight ever wants is to put a smile on his lady’s face and colour in her cheeks. My spirits were flying with the angels and the sap was fast getting out of control as I replied, ‘That’s ok’, in the most casual manner I could muster under the circumstances.

Then she spotted my lunch out on the bench and said, ’It would seem that I’m disturbing your lunch break – I’m sorry, I never thought’.

Then quickly added, ‘What’s on the menu’?

I told her they were just jam sandwiches which I must confess to feeling a bit embarrassed about admitting too the one I was trying to impress the most.

I needn’t have worried as she seemed quite interested and not put off at all by the fact they were only jam sandwiches and not caviar.

‘Its years since I had a jam sandwich from a lunch box’ she said with enthusiasm at the same time as checking out the contents of the box. I couldn’t imagine Lady Alex ever having eaten a jam sandwich from a plastic lunch box. She was now doing her up close and personal thing, which I remember her doing on that first time I met her and a few times since. I don’t find it so intimidating anymore, in fact I enjoy the closeness. I was just contemplating whether I could get away with putting my arm around her shoulders as she stood by my side looking in to my lunch box when she surprised me by asking if I had one to spare.

‘Yeh sure, you can have one if you want but mum makes them like doorsteps’ I said, again, not at all being able to imagine a lady like her being able to handle one of mum’s jammy doorsteps.

Once again she showed no signs of being put off and now I have time to think about it more closely I am heartened by the fact that she isn’t so up herself so as not to eat a jam sandwich with the garden boy. Maybe there is hope of some kind after all.

Anyway once permission had been granted she picked one out of the box and went and sat on the stone work bench opposite. As hard I was trying to hang on to the situation I knew I was once again becoming overwhelmed by her, which is not a complaint, I love the feeling but I was trying to make the most of the time with her and I couldn’t do that if my mind went all fuzzy.

She woke me from my thoughts with, ‘Come on then Jake, I can’t eat alone’ she said, gesturing to the lunch box. Again I felt a bit uncomfortable eating in front of her, especially knowing how mum’s jammy doorsteps take on a life of their own which she found out on only the first bite as black currant jam leapt out from between the bread and landed on her coat. She just laughed it off which again I thought was really cool. I sat on the bench opposite her and it was fun eating with her and chatting like mates. I still can’t believe that the most beautiful woman in the world, who could have eaten what she wanted anywhere in the world with lots better people than I chose to eat a jammy doorstep in a damp old shed with me as her mate… AND what’s more she was happy to do so. I didn’t make her and she never stopped smiling the whole time. I know people from my background that would turn their nose up at that. Who knows, maybe she even means it when she says the only difference between us is the money.

She stayed for about forty five minutes but it seemed like only five it went so quick. But like she said she had to go before someone sent out a search party, not that we were doing anything except talking but you know how people are. The one bit of bad news is that I won’t see her again until Monday as Lord A is coming from London tonight and is spending a few days here so that’s going to be another five days without her – as a friend that is, I expect I will see her as the boss in the morning as she says she is feeling better now. It seems she got a bit down in the dumps about something which she made obvious she didn’t want to talk about so I didn’t spoil the day by pressing the matter. Don’t suppose it’s really my business anyway as long as she’s ok now.
Well as you can imagine I didn’t feel like doing much work after lunch, so full was my head of what happened and how well it turned out. I can’t help but put her on a pedestal and I think that is where she belongs but I’m going to helping her down from it as often as I can so as to play and be mates and have fun like today.

Checking Out The Heaters.

I was really looking forward to getting to work today so much so that I was awake way before the alarm went off at seven. Thoughts of seeing my beautiful lady after four days of being parted made my journey to work very easy, it was as though someone went and fitted a motor to my bike. I parked it in the barn as usual and went to the potting shed to change in to my house shoes and was at the hall in plenty of time. The door was unlocked so I just went in and set about filling the log boxes. It took four baskets in all and I saw no one during the time it took to do the job. I just got finished as the two cleaning ladies arrived and then the housekeeper who lives in the flat upstairs appeared and I could hear them all talking while I was sweeping up in the cellar. I was hanging around waiting for Lady Alex to come down but there was no sign of her when I got finished sweeping so I went up and joined the ladies in the pantry. They were talking about someone who had just had a baby but stopped when they noticed me stood there. The housekeeper asked if there was anything I wanted or was I just loitering with intent. I’m not really sure what she meant so I just told her straight out that I was waiting for Lady Alex. She then asked if she was expecting me.

‘Well, no more than usual, I have to see her to see what she wants me to do today’, I said.

Angela then chips in with the devastating comment that I either need to find my own jobs today or go and find somewhere out of the way to take it easy because they weren’t expecting to see Lady Alex today because she was having one of her off days. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, it was like someone tore the heart right out of me. I could have cried but had to show no emotion as usual, hopefully I hid my immense disappointment from everyone there. It seems she came home as planned yesterday and was in a mood and has locked herself away in her room with instructions not to be disturbed. Apparently she hasn’t eaten or anything during that time. I wouldn’t mind but no one seemed bothered. As much as I wanted to go and see for myself if she was okay there was nothing I could do so I went to the potting shed and had a sit down and a think.

She had said the other day for me to check out the greenhouse heaters if I wanted something to do some time so I got them all out and then had to go to the office to say that I was collecting two Propane bottles from the farm. I have to tell them in the office so they can book it to the hall. As it happened the farm manager was in the office with the secretary when I got there and he said to help myself and if I needed more to just let him know, he seems a nice man.

I have a little tractor and a trailer for use in the gardens so I got that started in order to fetch the propane, all this was helping me take my mind of the utter disappointment. Anyway I got the heaters going okay and then after lunch I dug some tree roots up that were sticking out of a path, Lady Alex said his Lordship nearly fell over one last time he was round the garden so we’d best remove them before he brakes his neck. I was tempted to raise them a little more!

I almost slipped up tonight whilst having dinner. I didn’t really feel like eating and was picking at my food and thinking about stuff when mum suddenly said, ‘What’s the matter with it’?

I had to think quick and said, ‘Nothing, I feel a bit sick that’s all’.

This wasn’t a lie, I’d been feeling pretty sick on and off all day.

‘More like love sick if I know anything about anything my boy’, she replied.

I tried to laugh it off but then my little brother chipped in by announcing my love is Joanne! I told him to shut up as he didn’t know what he was talking about but he wasn’t deterred one little bit. In fact my obvious annoyance just seemed to spur him on to tell all about the outing to the bowling with her the other night.

‘Aye, she’s become a bonnie lass’, said dad feeling the need to add his little bit to my woes.

‘Well sitting there picking at your food isn’t going to achieve anything, girls like that don’t sit on the shelf long, you need to get in there and let her know how you feel because if you don’t someone else will an’ no mistake’ said mum.

I had to smile because I thought if only she knew what she was telling me to do. I wondered what their reaction would be if I came right out and told them, I reckon it might have shut them up if nothing else – or laughed so much they fell off their chairs. Anyway I wasn’t in the mood to be amused for long and came up here to my room out of the way and to write this although I have to confess to not really feeling in the mood for writing tonight.

I would like to thank Lady Enigma for her comment, don’t worry about not being able to offer advice as I don’t even take my own advice on this matter so I doubt I would take that of anyone else. I do appreciate you comments though.

The Little Bird.

When I woke this morning the first thing to come to mind was my beautiful lady, this has been the case for the past week now. This morning I was sort of excited that there was just one more day to go without her. I started to think about how I would welcome her back in to my life, I want to give her the biggest hug and kiss ever and look in to those brown eyes of hers as we talk for hours about how much I’ve missed her and insist that she must never leave me again. Then I thought maybe I should restrain myself and just smile and hug her, but then I remember the rest of the staff and alas thought that this would not do either. Slowly reality was creeping up on me, the best official response to her return was as a work mate in which case and under normal circumstances it wouldn’t be out of place to give a smile and a pat on the back and ask how things went, but as I’m a work mate with protocol to follow this too has to be crossed from the list. So it would seem that my best offering is a,

‘Good morning Lady Alex’.

Which is just the bog standard welcome and does not seem a worthy welcome for someone so missed.

It was actually quite strange really because usually when I wake in the morning my thoughts are the most down to earth and reliable of the whole day yet this morning for a short while I actually felt close enough to her to take the first option when in reality she probably doesn’t even notice my presence other than that of the garden boy which is sobering considering all the dreams and aspirations I have in my head for our future together.

So today I must retrieve my sanity, I must sweep the dreams back under the carpet and remember I am the little bird twittering around outside in the cold waiting for some kind person to throw me a crumb and not the person through the window eating from the loaf.

Helping Dad.

Today I haven’t been feeling quite so all consumed with thoughts of my lady, I’m not sure why, I think probably because I wouldn’t see her today anyway also I went out with dad to help with the digger. An oil pipe burst on it last night so we went and got a new one and fitted it. He owns his own machine and goes out on contract work with it.

Tonight I’m going bowling with a mate, his girl friend and his sister Joanne so that should be a laugh.

That’s about it really, quite a boring day as far as blogging goes. While there isn’t a lot to say I will just point out for anyone who has been reading my blog that I’ve changed the peoples names in it so don’t go looking in ‘who’ who’ for Lord and Lady Alexandra because if there is such a person it won’t be the ones I’m talking about. The people I work for are titled people but of a lower rank than Lord and Lady. Not that it really matter’s as they are still several ranks above me.

After missing her so much these past days I’ve decided that it’s a must that I get some pictures of her somehow whether they be official or stolen with my phone because I need something to drool over when she is away. I haven’t forgotten what she looks like or anything like that but it would be nice to be able to take her out and have a look at her sometimes.

Thanks for leaving a comment on my blog Rose, its okay about not having opinion and I’m pleased that you enjoy reading what I write and I hope to keep on posting my thoughts and feelings.

My First Comment.

Today has been pretty flat, I’ve seen no one at work and Lady Alex seems like she never existed it been that long since I saw her – two whole days now. Because it was raining today I set too and painted the letterbox from outside the back door. She bought some paint the other day when we were out shopping and said that in the event of any bad weather I was to give it a clean and paint so now I’ve done all the jobs she asked, hopefully she will be pleased by that.

There has been one nice development to brighten the day and I’m thanking Bill for this as it was he that left me my first comment – and it was a nice one too! I wasn’t even sure if anyone was interested in what I was writing so it was good to see someone does read it after all.

Bill asked if I would do what Lady Alex tells me even if I know it to be wrong? I think he is referring to what happened to the other gardener when he asks this question. Well I’m fool enough to fall in love with her knowing she is out of bounds and will never be mine so I guess I would be fool enough to do whatever she asked of me. Right or wrong I have put my trust in her so I have to trust that even if she asked me to do something that is wrong she would spare me from the consequences. But then again I would like to think I was that guy who would take his coat off and throw it across a muddy puddle to save her from getting wet feet, so I would probably be happy to take the blame for her if need be.

I’m sure I will like the job, I’ve enjoyed the first week despite everything.

I don’t really know anything about politics, I just want to do a good job and enjoy my work but I think I know what you mean and I think there was something going off yesterday but I don’t know what. As for getting ratted on for fucking my lady, I think chance will be a fine thing, I’m just hoping she remembers about us being work mates when she gets back because I will be happy with that.

Anyway thanks for the advice Bill.

Unofficial Tea Break.

Today has been grey, boring and cold, both in my heart and in the gardens. My lady is away in London until Sunday, she did tell me last night but I wasn’t going to spoil a great day by thinking about four whole days without her until it actually came to pass.
Another thing that happened today that I wasn’t right happy about was this morning I went to fill up the log box and when I got finished Angela, one of the cleaners said she was making a drink and did I want to go and join them. I told her that my break time wasn’t until ten thirty and she said that so was there’s but there was no one around so they were getting in an extra one. I agreed to have a drink with them as I didn’t want to appear rude or offend them but I wasn’t happy about taking advantage of Lady Alex like that. In the end I decided the best thing for a guilt free mind was to work on through my official tea break.

As it happens I did learn a few things during the break though, it all started when Angela asked me how I was getting on and I told her it was good and that everyone seemed nice and friendly. Then for no real good reason she said to watch Lady Alex as she got the last gardener fired. I was quite amazed by this but I then had to hear how she had spend half of last year in a clinic because of her nerves. They were worried she might harm herself she was so bad at one time. Apparently the family who have the hall now only took it over three years ago as his lordships parents are getting on and they didn’t want them to die while still in charge of the estate because of paying death duties so they moved out and Lord and Lady Alexandra moved in. They mostly lived in London and only used the place at weekends and holidays up until when she was taken ill, then when she got better she came to live here all the time and so started to get more involved with running the house and grounds which sounds like it upset a few people and if today’s extra tea break is anything to go by I can see why. Apparently she used to leave the gardener but he only did what he wanted to do and not what she told him to do because he said he knew better what needed to be done. One time he was told to prune the roses and he wouldn’t because it was the wrong time of year. He said they should be done in Spring which is the usual time to do them but Lady Alex wanted them doing in November. Anyway he went behind her back to see his Lord A and said he wasn’t taking orders from someone who didn’t know what they were talking about but apparently Lord A said that he wanted nothing to do with the gardens and that he had to do as she told him. Well it seems he didn’t like that so what he went and did was get the strimmer with the brush cutting blade and cut off all the roses about one foot above soil level. This was a Sunday morning when they were at church. I was wondering what happened to the roses because I noticed straight off when I got here that all the stalks and everything are still laid on the borders and you can see from how the ends of the shoots are all hacked off that they weren’t pruned properly. Anyway as soon as Lady Alex noticed them she went straight round his house and fired him there and then – I guess she knows enough about gardening to know he didn’t do it properly hey! What I find strange is that the cleaners and housekeeper were taking the gardeners side and warning me to watch her. Well I will be watching her that’s for sure but not for the reasons that were saying. I think he should have done as he was told. Thankfully the fires aren’t lit when no one is home so I won’t have to go in the hall in the morning and listen to that lot picking spots of my lady.

Work Mates Is Cool.

I woke this morning feeling a little apprehensive about the day ahead. Unlike yesterday there was no doubt about my feelings for the lady and I think it was this more than anything that frightened me. I still knew that any of the dreams that filled my head were only ever going to be dreams but I’ve somehow convinced myself that somewhere, somehow there may be some crumbs of comfort left out for me somewhere.

This morning there wasn’t as many logs to bring up because I’d filled everything up yesterday so I was finished before Lady Alex put in an appearance. While I waited one of the house ladies got me changing a light bulb in a passageway. When Lady Alex did come down she greeted us a whole rather than as individuals, I much prefer the up close approach to be honest, this other way left me feeling a little neglected! She asked if I had made out the shopping list which I had and checked it about ten times as I didn’t want anything to go wrong. She said I was to come to the hall around 2 then we would be back in time for me finishing work. As a way of dismissing me she said for me to carry on as yesterday if it wasn’t too cold out. She was a bit surprised when I told her that I’d finished except for taking away the rubbish and I didn’t know what she wanted doing with that. She said to leave it until she had time to show me and if I wanted I could make a start on tidying out the old conservatory so that is what I spent all morning doing.

I was ringing the back door bell at two as instructed, the housekeeper answered the door and said to wait in the pantry which is the room just inside the backdoor. I’m not sure why they call it a pantry as its used as the laundry room. It was about ten minutes before Lady Alex arrived apologising for keeping me waiting. It was well worth the wait though as she looked so beautiful in her own plain sort of way. She had on brown tartan trousers that complimented her rear to perfection unfortunately she went and put on her long coat so that was the end of fine views from that region. It’s perhaps as well as she was distraction enough at the best of times.

As we were driving off she asked, ‘Do you drive Jake?’.

‘I have passed my driving test but can’t afford a car yet’ I replied.

‘Oh, so if I need a chauffer anytime I know who to call then’ she said with a smile.

I told her that I think I would need more practise on my own before I drove someone like her around.

After this there followed a period of silence that grew to be uncomfortable in the extreme. While she had been talking to me I had managed to relax but now I could feel tension building. I was trying to think of something to say but the more I thought the less I could think. Coming from a family that had drilled in to us from an early age that children should be seen and not heard or another favourite ‘speak when you’re spoken to’ there was never going to be much hope of me kick starting the conversation. As much as I wanted to be with my lady if she had told me to get out there and then I would have been very pleased to do so.

Suddenly her voice cut across my thoughts like a rifle shot.

‘Are you always this quiet Jake or do you have something on your mind’?

I have the most beautiful sexy woman in the whole world on my mind, I was wondering how could her husband be away from her for such long periods, maybe that’s what I should have told her and got it over with one way or the other but instead I chickened out and replied that I am a quiet person but also a little shy with people I don’t know, which is quite true but not necessarily the whole reason in this instance.

‘I’m not a monster you know Jake. The only real difference between us is the money’ she said in a sympathetic and sincere voice.

I could think of lots of differences between us besides money but I think what she was giving me was an invitation to be myself rather than a lecture on our different lifestyles so there wasn’t much I could say against her comment.

Anyway before I could answer she reached over and gently gave my right forearm a squeeze saying, ‘Try and relax, and if it helps think of me as a workmate rather than Lady Alex, save the pedestal for his lordship, he appreciates that sort of thing more than I’.

I looked right in to her eyes, they were so kind and smiling, I knew she was right and I don’t want to be a jerk with her, she is too nice for that so I decided there and then to try and be myself if that’s what she really wanted and it was her own fault if I said something she didn’t like.

‘I haven’t met your husband yet but I’m sure you would look much better on a pedestal than he would any day’, I replied, hoping I didn’t make it sound too corny.

‘Well I don’t know about that but the thing is we have to be formal when others are around but when we’re working alone together like now, we have to be more relaxed and open or the whole thing is going to be pretty gruesome don’t you think’?

I nodded in agreement, I knew exactly what she meant and so as to show I was trying jokingly added,
‘Like back there you mean’!

She seemed to like that and laughed, ‘Yes that was jolly gruesome indeed, I thought perhaps it was my driving that was leaving you speechless’.

The rest of the day has been great, its really strange what happened and so hard to explain how what she said has made me feel so different. I guess the fact that she said to think of her as a workmate when we’re doing something together is the crumb that I was hoping for. I mean, workmates is cool isn’t it!

Plain Old Jane.

I seem to remember something about if you sleep on something it will seem different the next morning. I went to sleep last night my head full of the past day’s events, in fact I went to sleep having made a bit of a mess of my bed sheets which I need to try and sort out before mum discovers it. Anyway the thing is, this morning I woke with a different view in my mind. I was down to earth with a bump and feeling very stupid for getting all excited about a woman who would never have the slightest interest in someone like me. I don’t know where all my stupid idea’s came from or why but I rolled out my bike this morning in a quite dejected mood and arrived at the back door of the hall feeling no better.

I’d been told to report to the hall every morning, this morning I was let in by a lady who I later discovered is the house keeper. She informed me that Lady Alex would be down to see me shortly and until then I had to busy myself bring firewood from the cellar. She showed me a big wooden chest in a passage way off the main hall and there was a big copper bucket to be filled by the fire in the hall itself. I had filled the big chest and was just delivering a basket full of wood to the bucket in the hall when I heard my lady’s voice say,

‘Good morning Jake, how are you this morning?’

I turned to answer and saw her walking down the stairs. She had spoken as though she were greeting a friend which once again set my heart skipping.

‘Oh jolly good you’ve stock us up with logs, if you could do that whenever we have a fire I would be most grateful’ she said approaching me.

After the way I felt earlier I was trying my hardest not to get so excited but it was hopeless. Already I was bursting in the trouser department and for no good reason that I could lay a finger on. Once again she came so close that I could feel her breath on my face, I’m sure if anyone happened to pass they would think we were about to embrace or something. Because I was trying to be more composed I took a better stock of her while she was discussing the proceeding for the day. I wanted to know what it was about her that got to me so easily. Her hair was neat and well groomed and tied back in a pony tail today but it was not the hair of a model or even hair that looked like it spend a lot of time at the hair dressers. Her eyes are brownie green in colour and even look a little bug eyed so you couldn’t call them alluring or in any way sexy. Her lips are not full or pouting and some of her teeth are slightly out of line. The skin on her face is pale very clear and smooth, it invites you to gently stroke it. If there was make up I couldn’t tell although I’m not an expert on ladies make up. Today she had on what I would describe as a very long woollen sweater that reached as far as her knees. Whilst it clung to her body in a way that revealed every curve the dress itself was not particularly exciting in any other way, and the colours were a subdued mix of browns, greens and maroons. I hadn’t noticed her breasts yesterday which wasn’t surprising as like her bottom there were no more than a couple of handful to notice but like her bottom and a few other parts of her body they cried out to be held, in fact I would go as far as to say that I wanted to take the whole of her in my arms and hold her forever. All in all Lady Alex is a very plain Jane yet I had an almost crippling erection, my heart was skipping all over the place and my brain seemed to have given up altogether and what’s more she was informing me of a further visit later in the day to discuss some work she wanted me to do in the garden, in the mean she asked if I could take a look at the Raspberries as they were in need of a good sorting out, not the only thing either thought I as she walked away, I did think of sorting out something in the cellar but thought it was a little too close to home.

By the time she came looking for me in the garden it was raining not to mention cold and she seemed a little subdued so the meeting was quite down to earth, my brain even stayed connected to the rest of my body, the first time ever. I must be tiring of her!! Anyway she wants me to train some fig trees and red currant bushes on one of the walls, the trees are already there but there are no wires to fasten them too so I have to work out what I need to do the job and then.... tomorrow she is taking me shopping!!! You know what that means? Ages spent alone with her – just me and her! I am so nervous it’s like going on a date with her or something. Look well if she wants to stop off in some secluded lay-by and ravage me – sigh!